All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Missing you my Friends

May 12, 2010 - 0 comments

I have been away as my husband Mike had double knee replacement surgery on February 10th. He just went back to work this Monday, May 10th. I did not have much time to do to much like getting on the computer. Well it was an interesting 3 months while Mike was recuperating. We had some interesting conversations. We had a few arguments about my health. Which hurt so much. He is frustrated as I am with the Fibro. and all of it's syndromes. We cried together and talked. We did watch a few movies.  We learned things about each other that after 37yrs. of marriage we did not know how we felt about some things.  But in the end we still love each other.
We had a couple of visits with our younger daughter and 2yr. old grand daughter from Arizona which was wonderful!!

I currently am dealing with a concussion from the MS walk, I accidentally tipped my power scooter and it was on top of me and I took a bad fall into the street the morning we were getting ready to take Mike to the hospital for his knee
surgery. I was showing our oldest son how to break down my power scooter to put into the trunk, I was handing the battery pack to Troy lost my balance and fell into the street and hit my head very hard twice in the street. My dr. told me that between the 2 falls I have a mild concussion that will probably last for weeks.or even a few months. That scared me as I had a severe concussion with multiple skull fractures when I was 14 and in a coma for 3 weeks, nearly died. I was told then if I got any head injuries later in life could kill me.  So here I am 40 years later with a concussion. So now I am suppose to take it easy.   And as a result my Fibro. is still in a huge flare.  My balance has been getting worse over the past year as well as my memory. It is frustrating not being able to remember what I was looking for or going to say. Having to rely on my walker, cane or scooter to get around. And depression still here I just am not able to get control of it.
Well I want all of you to know I have missed you very much. I just did not have the energy to type while I was helping my hubby recuperate. There are days I have trouble typing on the computer like today.

I will be in touch more, promise.

Finally more help

Oct 18, 2009 - 4 comments

I just wanted to take a few minutes to update all of you on how things are going now.  The Zoloft is working pretty good. And my Physiciatrist said I could take an extra Klonopin for anxiety or worse depression. And our IM Dr. said he can't take me off any of my meds he has me on. Mentally I am having a few more good days. As for the pain it is worse. In fact when I saw my Physiciatrist he said I should use my scooter more than my walker to save some energy. He recommended a book that will help Mike and in safety, understanding, ADA for ramps for my scooter. We just can't afford to buy a new ramp. I also got a pamplet on all ADA  requirements and measurements. So actually we don't need as long a ramp as he thought and I will not have to change anything in my garden. And the ramp will not be in the middle of the walkway that goes through our garden to the 2 cottages behind us.

My hubby Mike had an appt. with our IM Dr; and he was prescrbed Klonopin also. And was referred to Physiciatrist for his anxiety and depression he has had since we have been married. He also has been referred to see and Orthopedic Surgeon for his knees ( No Cartilage in knees). And on 10-29-09 Thursday he is going for some tests, Endoscopy & Signoscopy . I need to find away to get us to the hospital and back home because our car is broken.  The good news is he Klonopin is helping his mood, and he is calmer and more like the young man I married. I feel bad he is in so much pain from his knees. Please keep Mike & I in your prayers. He will see his Social Worker Nov. 3rd. I go see my new one on Nov.10th.

We are really working on living with our medical issues together. We are doiing better everyday so far.  I just can't seem to pace myself. Any suggestions? I start doing 1 chore and then end up doing more house cleaning. I am trying to do only one big chore a day, that is what my Home Health Care Physical Therapist told me to do. If I do  laundry, she said that is it for the dayl boy this not easy. I am the kind of person who just wants to get ii all done.
Doctors are telling me I need to save my energy, sleep, take naps rest. I am really trying. It is my fault that I am is so much pain and exhausted. So starting tomorrow I seriously am going to work on pacing myself.

I am trying to get on MH everyday, because I miss you all. I am here if anyone needs to talk or visit.  At the moment we are just taking our days minute by minute, day by day.  Mike knows that there are days he needs to help me more because I just can't do anything or barely use my can or walker in the house. I may have use my power scooter inside.  God will be there for us I just need to quit closing the door on him and all of you. I need you and I need to be there for anyone who needs help.  It helps me if I can help out also.  I want to come back I am so lonely without you. I am emotionally better so what do you say?

I do have a question has anyone else with Fibro. have had trouble focusing with their eyes. By the middle of the day and at night is very hard to focus, everything blurry. I just got new glasses.

Okay my MH friends & family I need to get into bed. Hope all of you sleep well:) I will check in with you tomorrow or Monday.

Hugs to all.

Changes too many but needed

Oct 09, 2009 - 0 comments

I have been doing a lot of sleeping as my Dr. told me to do. My IM Dr. prescribed me a new medication for my IBS from the stress I have been under the past couple of months. the medication is Dicyclomine HCL 10mg.  I have to take it 4 times a day it makes me groggy. So that is why I have not been on MH much. Now I am giving all of you an update.

One of my dear friends is helping see how I am dealing with the Fibro. and all the syndromes as well my severe depression as all of you are aware of that I have. So my friend lets me know that I have to fight the Fibro. I know I need to do this. What I am having difficulty with is all the changes we have had to make. Now in order for me to have a ramp for my scooter and walker I need a ramp. In order to do this I have get rid of a lot plants and furniture in our garden and this is my favorite part of the garden. I am sad about this. my friend and hubby have talked to me and said this needs to ge done so I can have some freedom and be safe. I have come to terms with this. But I can't promise I won't cry. I am working very hard on pacing myself so I don't use up all my energy. Not easy for me, but it is getting better for me especially I am groggy most of the day.

I have talked to my IM Dr. about my meds. that is when he prescribed me Dicyclomine HCL 10mg. I am having most everyday trouble walking no strength so I use my cane or walker in the house but dr. says I may need to use my power scooter once in awhile on those very bad days.  I am experiencing blurred vision more often. Which scares me.  But my new goal or challenge is to fight Fibro as much as I can. I don't know if I can ignore the chronic pain. I am asking for your support and prayers. I am scared, unsure. Is it normal to lose more of cognition? My memory is getting very bad.

I will be seeing a new Social Worker in November. But I can call the therapist that I saw when I went in as an emergency case.  

That is I have to talk about for now. Oh, my car is broke, no way to get it repaired right now. Such is liffe.
Thanks to all of you. I want to get to a point that I can help others again. I feel like I have let my friends/family here down. I love all of you. I hope you all understand. And I will be here more like I use to:) Okay I am going to bed now.  I will check in tomorrow. Probably late morning Pacific time.(I hope I made sense tonight, because sometimes the correct words don't come out). Please be patient I don't want to hurt anyone.

Good Night & hugs to all of you,


I just want to be normal what ever that is now

Sep 21, 2009 - 3 comments

I got through this past weekend my Hubby & I  had a calm quiet weekend. We stayed home. It took everything I had to clean the cats litter box that is a must!! I just was online or watching TV, and resting. I took a lot of catnaps. I have never felt so sick. Fibro. and it's syndromes are kicking my rear end big time. I just have no energy to fight it. I had the closest mental meltdown last Thursday 9-17. I felt like I was close to having a nerveous breakdown. I still feel that way, but not suicidal right now.

I barely have eaten, I feel nausea when I eat. I have been eating applesauce and crackers with peanut butter and watermelon. Mike went out and bought me some Power Aid (can't drink Gatoraid)that  I have been trying to get it into my system. If I get up and move around I get light headed and a migraine. Just no energy or will to fight with Fibro. &  it's syndromes. Does that make sense?

I still just don't want to think about anything right now. To much has happened which has affected the way I am thinking right now.  Oh, Mike and I will be fine. He has apologized and cried to the point of sobbing which hurts my heart deeply. But It has been a very heavy burden on him for some time. More lately plus his health issues the last couple of months. I told him I cannot do anymore fights like we had. I really am physically sick and scared of how bad I feel. Fibro. has reared it's ugly head and throwing everything at me. At times my eyes get so unfocused I can't see anything. That scares me a lot.   But Mike is doing what he can, we both are aware we said in sickness or health in our wedding vows and we took our vows very serious.

I just never thought I would end up like this. I still am angry with Fibro and what it has done to me/us.  I have had people that say just look on the bright side. BRIGHT SIDE OF WHAT!!! WHERE I AM NOW?  I don't see a bright side today, maybe in a couple of weeks. I don't want to hear that right now, please try to understand.

I feel safe with all of you, thank you and may God watch over each of you and help you with your battles.
I sorry I sound like baby complaining how bad I feel, when I know there are many of you are dealing much more than I am. I don't know where else to go. It is going to take a month before I get a new Social Worker I requested. My Psychiatrist on deals with medication for depression.  But if I being too much of a whiner you can tell me to move on for a while.  I know in my heart I need to fight this. Just need time to rest mentally and physically before I can. I hope my MH family understands. It is comforting.

I need to get a shower and a nap. Be in touch soon.