Hello MH!! I have missed you all so, so much! I just wanted to first off say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that everyone has a fantastic day filled with love, friends, family, and good food! I also wanted to let everyone who has been concerned, or wondering what happened to me know what has been going on. I have been without internet for almost a month. One of my lovely cats jumped on my router and broke it. It has been awful trying to find a new one while out on the road. And of course I also had to deal with the lovely run around with my SO who wields all of the money and power. I finally got a new router and a new plan last night. I have missed all of you so much. It has been a  very isolated, lonely month without my MH. Thank goodness for my dear friend EvolverU who has been my lone connection to the outside world. Thank you, thank you for all of the phone calls and all of your time. I am still sober. No drinking, no drugging, though this month has been the biggest test for me so far. I have made it through and am stronger for it. I am truly thankful for that. I am also thankful to be able to be back on MH and amongst my friends who understand the battle that we all fight daily. Love you all and hope that you are all well. Can't wait to catch up with everyone. Happy Thanksgiving MH!!!!

How could you? How could you lie to me over and over again? How could you risk your job when you have your children, your kitties, and me depending on you? How could you blame me for all of your shortcomings? Why do you feel it necessary to repeatedly deceive me? How could you put that poison in your body and force me to be terrified for 2 days straight that you are going to kill me or yourself? How could you hold me down repeatedly and beat me? How could you blow all of our money and leave us with nothing to live on for the next 2 weeks. How can you tell me this is what I deserve? I can no longer believe a word you say. Any trust that I once had has gone out of the window after the past couple of days. I am heart broken and in tears. I dealt with this growing up with my addict.alcoholic father and in my marriage with my ex and his benzo addiction. I cannot and will not do this again. My body and heart are broken tonight, but I am sober and dealing with it. You can't and won't take that away from me. Here is a song for you, you mean, heartless SOB.

'Song to Say Goodbye'  by Placebo

You are one of God's mistakes
You crying, tragic waste of skin
I'm well aware of how it aches
And you still won't let me in

Now, I'm breaking down your door
To try and save your swollen face
Though I don't like you anymore
You lying, trying waste of space

Before our innocence was lost
You were always one of those
Blessed with lucky 7's
And the voice that made me cry
My, oh, my

You were mother nature's son
Someone to whom I could relate
Your needle and your damage done
Remains a sordid twist of fate

Now, I'm trying to wake you up
To pull you from the liquid sky
'Cause if I don't we'll both end up
With just your song to say goodbye

My, oh, my
A song to say goodbye
A song to say goodbye
A song to say goodbye

Before our innocence was lost
You were always one of those
Blessed with lucky 7's
And a voice that made me cry

It's a song to say goodbye
It's a song to say goodbye
It's a song to say goodbye
....

This song is dedicated to my sis. Thank you for reminding me that the power begins and ends with me. (SO easy to get worked up and forget that simple, yet crucial fact.) Love you!

'11th Hour'  by Rancid

Hey little sister do you know what time it was
when you finally seen all your broken dreams
come crashing down your door
they demand an answer and they demand it quick
or the questions fade and the wasted days
come crawling back for more

do you know where the power lies? and who pulls the strings?
do you know where the power lies? it starts and ends with you

the face of isolation
well that's one you recognize
well you can't get straight
it's a lonely place and
it's one you do despise

boredom is for sale now
and helplessness you feel
it's a wounded dove and the hawks are above
blood splattered on a reel to reel
I was almost over my world was almost gone
in a sudden rush I could almost touch the
things that I'd done wrong
my jungle's made of concrete
through silence I could feel
my aim is true I will walk on through
these mountains made of steel.

Lift me up on my honor
Take me over this spell
Get this weight of my shoulder
I've carried it well

Lose these shackles of pressure
Shake me out of these chains
Lead me not to temptation
Hold my hand harder
Ease my mind
Roll down the smokescreen
And open the sky

Let me fly then I need a release
From these troubles of mine
Fix my feet when they're snowing
And well, you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Dig me out from this thorn tree
Help me bury my shame
Keep my eyes from the fire
They can't handle the flame
They've cut out from my brothers
When most of them fail
I carried it well

Let me fly then I need a release
From these troubles of mine
Fix my feet when they're snowing
I guess you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Now hold on, I'm not looking for sweet talk
I'm looking for time, time for towering sweet folk
All because it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes, hold on

You know it's gonna hurt sometimes
When you call me
Hold on, hold on, hold on

I'm gonna come with that symphony home
And make it mine, and this pleasure is mine, mark my way
See all these pestilence pills, expert on pills came to drag me down
So I could use this to shelter what could I've found


'Sweet Talk' By The Killers

Been listening to this a lot.