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Still waiting...

Jul 20, 2012 - 0 comments






I just want to know now... Am I, or aren't I...? It's driving me mental.  I wish I could remember how I felt when I was pregnant with the twins. I felt bloated and some had some cramping since at least 10 days before my period was due, and I don't normally suffer much from that month to month...  How did I feel last time...? Monday won't come soon enough. I am so anxious, I am so very desperate to be pregnant and have more kids...  I wish for another set of twins. I wish I would have 5 kids all up.  I think that is my number. But am I going to be even lucky enough to have one more...?  Sme times I wish that we had had sex after my last ultrasound, because I had one primed and beautiful egg that was ready and waiting.  Even the nurse sat me down and explained to me how dangerous it would be to have sex at this time, but I wanted to take the risk and I should have. Gosh I just want a bigger family and more kids.  The hassle and bussel of kids and babies taking up my days and driving me crazy, and loving it all at the same time. Is this my calling, family girl, mum, looker afterer, caregiver...? I think it just might be.  I would even adopt, but my husband say that there isn't way he wold be happy with that at all. I think he is crazy, because if I'm not lucky enough to be b,Essex with more kids, why couldn't we love a child, for whatever reasons has been made available for adoption? Surrogacy, it is what I am going to look at in more detail right now. I did find two places one Australian and one Indian that look like they are worth instigating further.

It's my twins 2nd birthday party this weekend and I am loving getting ready for it and think its gng to be a great time for all. Including me! Well I think the twins will be beside themselves with the sugar, fun, family and food and games! I love them to pieces and I wish I could just kiss and cuddle them all the time and read to them and pla with them and teach them how to count and learn the alphabet and play pretend and dress ups. I love them more than I could possibly imagine loving nothing in life at all. I want to love more kids and have them look up to the big brother and sister and have the twins look after and guide younger siblings. What an important part of life that would be. I think without that, they are really only like having a single child as they are experiencing the same things at roughly the same time; starting school, making friend, starting music and sport. You know the everyday stuff wherein would be great to give advice about it or get some advice from you big siblings.

I want to be a mum, I'm so happy being a mum, I think I,m actually good at it ans how often does anyone actually get to do what they love and feel passionate about.  I just want to tke my kids to sport and music classes, theatre, dancing whatever they are interested in and find a way to coordinate all the pick ups ans drop off Amy family support team.  It's just the coolest thing int he entire universe and I want it! It's funny to think how frustrating it can be, and how tiring and the rest, but I still want it. I want it so bad that I can't find anything else I am so wonderfully passionately excited about.  I want more kids, please god can I have more, please. I love you Ann I I've my kids, but it's not enough I have more to offer and give and I want to give it timy kids... All 5 of them please...

Waiting waiting...

Jul 19, 2012 - 0 comments

Two week wait



This is a tough wait this time around. You think after all these years it would be easier... Bu it's not, it's harder...

On the road again...

Jul 13, 2012 - 0 comments

So I'm on the IVF road again. After 8 attempts and having twins, now I'm on my 5th round at IVF again... I've just had two frozen embryos implanted from my last batch in 2009. All the rest of which were fresh cycles came up empty. Am I too old, am I not healthy enough, and am I meant to be happy and satisfied with the twins I have...? All I know is that I'm not finished and I desperately want more children. This time around is tougher than even the first, because I've been lucky to get pregnant, give birth and have two wonderful kids. It feels that it should be easier this time because my body has done this before, mind you I was about 3 years younger...  Ok just needed to get a couple of thoughts down on paper (so to speak).

Tests... Tests... Tests...

Mar 11, 2009 - 0 comments




So I'm having blood tests to see why I keep having miscarriages.  They took so much blood yesterday that my left had vein ran out and they had to start on the right one.  I've also organized a hair test which will be really interesting.  It just seems funny to me that this still isn't happening...  My naturopath suggested that I could not get pregnant until I fixed up all the depression issues.  Now that could take forever!  Over all I feel better in relation to the Clinical Depression, but not having any luck with pregnancy is taking it's toll.  The Doc said that because I was responding well to the hormones and drugs that I should continue to try, and also I am still young enough to not give up and start looking at other options.  He said that if I can manage to keep going I should.  So I am.  I really want this t work.  So I'm going to a clinical Psycologist every week and the Naturopath is making me feel a hell of a lot better with the remedies and she is going to give me a Kineisiology session next Monday.  I'm not quite sure what that means, something about balancing the body and checking it over...

So here we go again.

Oh and I'm going to do another fresh cycle, rather than using the frozen ones.

Oh and the Doc at IVF also said that it will be interesting to see the results of the hair test and that they may want me to detox before doig another cycle.  So that is going to be interesting,