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Chapter 4 - Here we go again...

Nov 11, 2008 - 1 comments
Tags:

tww

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tww symptoms

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hoping



I got a call from one of the nurses from the clinic today to see how I was feeling and how I was going over all. I said to her that I felt great, no signs of any sort, but good.  Well she said cross your fingers, toes and eyes and hope for the best.  I even said that I was going to braid my hair, so that everything was crossed!

This morning I felt like I was going to get my period, but that stopped soon enough and I hope that it doesn't come back.  My period would be due tomorrow...  Am I supposed to feel something?  Should I be feeling pregnant, should I have sore boobs or something...?  So should I be feeling something?  I didn't really feel anything before, but maybe I should be if I am pregnant?

Well my pregnancy test is next wednesday and I just hope that I don't get my period and i hope (please, please, please) that this is the one.

Chapter 4 - Here we go again...

Nov 10, 2008 - 2 comments
Tags:

Baby

,

pregnant

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ivf implant

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positive thinking



So I had my implant on Saturday and I'm hoping this is the one...  If only this time, How wonderful would that be...  I've been acupuncture-d, herbed, relaxed and thinking positive!  This has got to be it.  Everything was different this time, I've not been in on a Saturday before, I had a different Doc do the implant and I made Marc come in with me this time.  The eggy was really plump and big and the scientists were really happy with how it looked and said that is was a great looking blastocyst.  I had 9 eggs harvested the Monday before and by the time I had my implant, there was only one ready to implant and one to freeze the rest were no good.  Well it only takes one good one hey.  This has got to be the one.  So I ad 18 eggs at the ultrasound and 9 harvested and only 2 good ones, but most importantly there was one REALLY GREAT ONE!!!  That's all I need, just one good one.

When I went for my acupuncture before and after the implant and it was really funny when I went back after the implant.  Well I go to Marc's best-friend for the acupuncture an blastocyst d his son Jack when I can back and sat on the bed getting ready for the needles said to me, "I can hear your baby talking, and there is an arm and a leg".  So that is funny and as he said this he had his hand and his ear on my belly.  I say that's a good sign!  Well I am hoping it is.  He was so cute and kept asking about my baby and that I wasn't big yet...  So I'm really hoping that is one of those things that is a good sign.

I want this to happen.  I want to be pregnant.  I want to start a family.

Please let this this be the one!

Chapter 4 - Here we go again...

Nov 03, 2008 - 0 comments
Tags:

family

,

scared

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Pregnancy

,

implantation

,

egg collection



So I was harvested yesterday.  I had 9 eggs collected and 8 have fertilized, so that's pretty good.  I feel a bit scared this time.  Not sure what it is...?  I was sore yesterday and this morning I felt a bit nauseous.  But for some reason I feel scared, maybe because I want this to happen so bad, I'm scared it's not.  I haven't written in my journal for a while as I have just set up my new computer and have been avoiding thinking about the IVF process.  But today I feel really scared, I've got butterflies in my belly...?

I've continued with acupuncture and have finished most all my tabs and herbs from the naturopath and I feel pretty good about that.  I've also been making a super effort to be social, as I really don't feel like interacting.  I'm feeling quite anti everything.  I don't even want to get out of bed to go to the shop and get food.  We have nothing in the fridge so I will have to go.  My washing machine broke today so I have piles of washing to do and no way to do it.  Well I will once it gets fixed, but you know how it is - you just want to get it done.  I've got some tiding to do in the lounge, that won't take a sec and then I need to tackle the study.  I've been a bit slack and just left it and threw other bits of mess in it, like the washing.  I've folded and put away all the washing in there, so that's a great start.

Ok so back to the topic at hand - why am I scared?  I just don't know, I guess it really is that about the fact that I am scared that there is the chance that I might not get pregnant this time and it's now been 3 years since we started trying to have a family.  Is it really a lot to ask to have a family...?  I didn't think so, but everything happens for a reason weather we know it or not.

I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and have my implant on saturday and see what happens - this time, it's got to be the one.

Chapter 4 - continuing on the road to baby making...

Oct 14, 2008 - 0 comments
Tags:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

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clinical depression

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negative behavior

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sick of being miserable

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miserable



Today is the first day I feel better, and by better I mean that I feel like my miserable self...  So in all that is good, because I have had the worst four days in a very long time.

I saw a Naturopath and I'm taking a heap of herbs, so now I rattle when I walk with all the tablets I'm taking.  And the stuff I have to drink and drip is AWFUL!  But I'm really hoping that it is starting to work, which is hopefully why I am feeling better today.

Now with the IVF treatment...  So for, maybe only the 3rd time since I started my period when I was 13, I am late.  The nurses said that the nasal spray can delay a period for up to a week.  So I was due last Friday.  I hope to get it really soon as I can't go back until I get it now.  I went for a blood test today and they said the levels still needed to go down and will as soon as I get my period...  So now I wait for a period!  Can you believe this!!!???

I'm trying not to be concerned about my period and everything, I'm almost at a point where I feel like giving up.  So I'm really just going through the motions...  They, (who ever "they" are) say that the most common thing is when women give up on getting pregnant (they just get over it) and then they get pregnant.  Well maybe, we'll see...  I just think it's not going to happen until it happens and maybe I'll be 40 by the time that happens, but if that they way it's meant to be there is nothing I can do about that is there.  Well I guess I'll be miserable in the meantime...

Listen to the misery in my voice...?  I'm so ready to expect the worst - but I think that is part of my Clinical Depression, which now according to the Naturopath could actually by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  Can you believe this, I certainly can't - I'M FREAKIN' BROKEN!!!! AGHHHH!!!!!!!

I really need to kick this misery in the pants.