All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

So Frustrated

Oct 11, 2009 - 11 comments

Ok, im not sure anyone will read this but i guess it will make me feel a little better by writing it. Me and Trinity's father is not together anymore and he moved out end of August.  He actually had the nerves to say he wants a paternity test, WTH, how could he ask for one when he was the one layn down with me everytime i said im ovulating or asking me when will i be ovulating, oh well, we go to court next month.  Im pissed bcuz i have PPD, anxiety and major lack of sleep, i dont think i been sleep since the day i went in for my induction on 9-17-09.  He comes over to spend time with the baby but has not spent no longer than 4 hours the times he comes, it s-u cks he gets to sleep in at his place or dont have to get up and warm up bottles, and on top of it, he wants joint custody, WHAT, are you kidding me, we are talking about a person who feeds her and says i cant get her to burp after 2 min then hands her to me, or say why is she cryn, here take her, i dont no why she is cryn, well i am RELEARNING this all over again myself, my son is 14 i am rusty at this.  One day he came by for an hour, fed her, held her and said ok, i ll be back in 3 days wth, why waste our time.  Im on the verge of not letting him come by and letting the court determine his visitation days/hours.  As far as joint custody, i dont plan on givn him that while she is so young, mayb in a few years we can talk about it again.

Im also pissed off bcuz here i think i have found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with and here i am AGAIN a single parent.  I did not wait 14 years to be a single parent again, i did not wait 8 yrs to get into a relationship and let him in my sons life for it to end.  I did not invest two years of long distance traveling and supporting him, i practically should have paid taxes in Georgia, thats how much i was there, not jus for 3 days but i would be there for like 2-3 weeks at a time, and sometimes i would be there twice a month, ughhhh, i am so freakn angry its unreal

i no i have to do what is best for my 2 kids, and i will. im jus so upset at the moment

Induction 9-17-09 Baby arrived 9-18-09

Sep 18, 2009 - 3 comments

Went in at 10am to be induced on thursday 9-17-09 got situated and hooked up to the poticin at 11am, i was having contraction when they hooked me up to monitor, i thought it was braxton hicks i was feeling all this time but she said no those are contractions so i figured wow i should be having this baby within the next 8 hours.  Contractions were every 2-4 min, at 3:15 the broke my water bag and contractions got stronger,at 4pm i was getting an epidural and i was fine:)  I was only 4cm dialated. she checked me at 5pm and i was still 4cm and only 60% effaced at 8pm no change at 10pm i was 6-7cm and 70% effaced.  From 10pm to 3:30 am the next day i was still 6-7cm, by this time my mother and sister went home, my sister had to work at 8am.  My ex-fiance was there with me. 4:30 im crying and upset that i have not changed and i was very uncomfortable with my legs being so numb, i told the nurse to cal my dr and tell her i want a c-section, i was out of it and was having hunger headaches, last time i had something to eat was 9-17-09 at 8:30, felt like i was being starved to death. The nurse told me my dr was on here way to the hospital bcuz she had a total of 4 women having babies. 6:30 im on the call light crying when is she coming i cant take it any more, then the nurse checked me and said well your ar 8cm, i said i dont care 8.9, i want the baby out now. I said my water bag has been broken since 3:15 and i dont want to wait to 3:15 pm to be told i have to have a c-section, she said as long as the baby is not in any distress your dr may make you wait b4 the 24hour mark of having your water bag broke.  Of course i was pissed.  Then ex-fiance gets up from sleeping bcuz he hears me yelling and rubs my head and say just relax and take deep breathes you cant get threw this.  My dr shows up at 7:30 and said if you didnt make any progress we will do a c-section, she checked me and i was 9cm and told the nurse to put me in position to start pushing, she was going cross the hall to deliver a baby and wold be back. so at 7:45 i started pushing with contractions and boy did my bottom hurt, i was like i thought the epidural takes care of this pain. i pushed and pushed and then she says stop, i can see the head, we gota wait for the dr.  how do you just stop pushing, dr came in, i continued to push then i started crying, they had me do 4 sets of pushing and after the 4th i was out of breath and could not push, my mom came and held my hand saying she is almost out, ex-fiance was like you can do it.  So one last push and she was out. No stitches, i was amazed she was only an ounce away from being 8lbs.  Dr put her on my chest and i got to bond and nurse her right away, it was a joyful moment, i was so emotional and i just love her to death.  She is so beautiful, I was crying, ex fiance, my mom and even my dr, she said she was happy for me bucz of how hard i took the m/c in june of 08; I just cant beleive my induction took that da mn long:(  but it was worth it in the long run.  I got go home and find my baby pic, i swear she almost resembles that pic. We are not settled in our room.  

39week appt.

Sep 11, 2009 - 0 comments

Well i had my appt, didnt gain any weight, belly measuring 40weeks.  Cervix is still hi and firm:(  OH i did not want to hear those words ughhh.  Did not dialate anymore, im still 2cm.  OM goodness did it hurt when she checked me, almost felt like she was trying to stretch my cervix, i started having some cramps after that but now they are gone.  I am due on the 18th, and of course i asked for a scheduled Induction, so it will be Thursday the 17th at 10am if baby does not come b4 then, which dr thinks she wont.  WoW cant beleive im going to 40 weeks, sheesh.  So anxious to meet my little girl

38w dr appt.

Sep 04, 2009 - 0 comments

Still 2cm, cervix still hi and firm, babies heartbeat is good.  Will discuss about induction at 39week appt.