All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

My SIL passed away last night at 7:30 West Coast Time

Jul 19, 2009 - 10 comments

My sister-in-law passed away last night of Lymphoma.  Her name was Connie and she was only 56 years old.  

Her and my brother married over 20 years ago and never had kids of their own.  My brother helped raise her 2 children from a previous marriage as if they were his own.  And, when the grandchildren came, he was their ever indulgent and loving "Popa".  Connie of course was also the loving and dedicated "Moma" as the kids called her.  

Connie was one of the casualties of our healthcare system.  Neither her or my brother have health insurance as their companies were small and weren't required to have it.  She actually had to stop working 2 years ago because she was having problems breathing and was told it was asthma and bronchitis.  Since her income was gone, she didn't want to be a burden by going to the doctor.  Well, 4 moths ago she had to be taken to the ER by ambulance because her lungs collapsed.  Testing came back showing she had a large tumor in her chest that was the cause of the breathing problems. They tried chemo, but the disease had progressed already to a point that there was not much more they could do.  She died in hospice after learning of this disease only 3 months ago.  

I talked to her a month ago and recall how positive she was that she would beat this.  We were all hopeful for her, but we knew what the doctors were saying and it didn't look good not even then.  My brother is distraught.  He is being helped by my older brother whose wife also died of Crohn's Disease 5 years ago.  The two have developed a bond they never had all these years.  

As for Connie, I am so sad that although she'd been married to my brother so many years, I never really knew her that well other than John's wife.  None of us really were introduced to her family and thought they just didn't have a good relation with each other and kept their distance.  But now I'm learning how untrue that assumption was.  She has a very loving set of sisters who stepped in to take care of her when things were at their worst.  I will probably learn more about you now from those sisters who I now have contact with than I ever knew all these years.  

I've had an epiphany of sorts since all this has happened.  I have relatives that I don't even know other than their names.  I am going to make my best effort to reach out to them and get to know them before it is too late.  It is sad to imagine that I don't even know my mother's brother's family.  There is no excuse for it other than laziness or not caring or whatever.  IF I don't do anything else, I'll reach out to them and get to know more about them than just their names.   I think this is something we can all do or at least attempt to do within our own families.  

It's Always Somtehing...

Jul 08, 2009 - 2 comments

...as Gilda Radner would say.  

Since my car accident, hubby coming home from overseas, the new job, the relapse I had last month, and starting the DMD, I sort of  feel that I am in a better place than I've been in a long time.  Most important at the moment is that the recovery from this last relapse has been the best ever.  I am walking again, not perfectly but much better than after previous relapses.  Everything is just so much more under control or so I thought.  

So, I feel I am better much better than I've been in almost a year and then something new, something I thought I was going to excape is happening.  Fatigue.  

I thought it was a passing symptom, but it has been lingering now for almost a week.  Its like my brain wants to go,go,go, but my body want no part of that at all.  I have energy to get a few things done around the house that have not been taken care of in months and then WHAM,  I am back in bed for a 2-3 hour rest because I am totally exhausted.  And, I don't fall asleep right off, but just lay there thinking about what I'd rather be doing than laying in bed.

I want to mention this to the MS neuro when I see him on Monday, but am wavering on it.  When I have mentioned fatigue in the past to my doctors they would tell me I was stressed out or depressed and want to throw an antidepressant my way.  Perhaps this doctor will undertand what is happening.  At least I should give him the benefit of the doubt as he has already proven himself to not be like the rest of his kind.

I had a dream

Jul 05, 2009 - 3 comments

I had a really strange dream last night.  I was packing and rushing around trying to remember to bring everything I needed for a trip.  I was even so diligent to make sure I had anough of my copaxone needles to do my injections showing I suppose how seriously I take this treatment that it is even getting into my dream life.  

It took me awhile to figure out where I was going on this trip, you know how funny dreams can be.  Well, it turned out that this was a trip to some unknown city somewhere that we all decided to meet up at with who else but our MedHelp forum members.  It was a mini-MS MSforum convention.  

I woke up this morning remembering this dream and thinking what a fun dream that was.  Not all the rushing around I did and almost missing a plane and whatever else happened that I can't remember, but the idea that something like that kind of get-together would even be possible even in a dream.  

I hope there is a Part 2 because I'd love to see how it ends.  

Breathing is bad, bad, bad

Jun 29, 2009 - 0 comments

I think the heat and humidity right now are the true culprits of the breathing problems.  What can i do but just stay in the house?  No fun.  I hate summers.

Asthma Tracker