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Long term affects on Adoption

Jan 10, 2014 - 1 comments

This is not as much a statement as it is an issue I want to put out for other adoptive parents who have or have had this issue as I've seen no posts related to this topic.

We currently are in a fairly open adoption with the Birthparents of my son who is now 17 months old.
They are currently expecting a baby they are keeping due the same week as my sons 2nd birthday.
I've had mixed feeling about this trying to look at each angle of the situation.  I thought as the pregnancy goes on she would stop reaching out to us and concentrate more on the new baby to be. She messaged me last night asking questions about when my son was born like how long did he stay up at night, how old was he when he started doing certain things because she's thinking about when this baby will do the same things. I've been extremely open telling her everything she's been asking the whole time having my mixed emotions.

I worry about my son in the whole aspect of the situation and now I have to think about how he'll feel knowing his birth brother/sister and knowing they kept them and not him.. and how having an on going relationship with them will affect him in the long run.  The birthmom asked me " How do you think Sol will do when the baby comes"... I responded, " well he'll do fine he won't understand the who he is for quite some time and he'll only get upset if I hold the baby because he'll get jealous"... I didn't know exactly how to respond to this because I feel like she doesn't quite understand that Sol only knows me as mom.. since he's been born they have now seen him 3 times in a year and a half and this is because they've only asked to see him these 3 times and have stood us up for a visit in the past, so it's not as if he's going to actually remember them either.. babies forget people quickly..

Any way to stop rambling because I could go on for a long time, me and my husband have decided to make an appointment with a child therapist and go over the pros and cons of our situation as a long term affect on our son.. I want what is absolutely best for him, and if I'm told in the long term this is good for my son to have this relationship with his Birthmom/dad/siblings then it's something we can keep exploring, but if it's something that can mess with him emotionaly in the long term then we need to figure out where to go from here.

Again just wanting to put this out their as it's not a situation you can just google.. hopefully this helps someone else!

Birth parents 2nd visit

Feb 04, 2013 - 5 comments

Friday the bmom texted asking if they could come over Saturday or Sunday.. I said we have plans because of the superbowl but said we would meet them at the mall Sunday (today) at 1... She never responded i was sure she would this morning but nothing so it must have upset her we said no to her coming here.. Now this IS a good thing.. BUT it frustrates me they ask to see him we agree after a lot of debate and they blow it off.. It's not about me it's about sol and i guarantee you they will NEVER get another chance again.. Nice Whitney is officially gone
One thing that frustrates me is when he gets older and asks if they saw him and wanted to see him.. I will NOT hurt him but I will tell him the truth Iwill Never lie to him about this experience.  It makes me upset that she thinks she can come see him when she wants and then not show up.. Me and my husband go into a panic everytime she texts or wants to see him.. I'm just blabbing now.. but I promise you she won't get another chance.. Court is in 10 days and we're DONE DONE DONE with it all.. I can put all of this behind me and move on being a mother to my son with no one interferring!!

First visit

Oct 23, 2012 - 6 comments

Well the visit went okay.... pretty much what I expected. They held him, played with him, kissed on him.. said how much he looks like the other, they took pictures of him and I took a picture of them both holding him and I'll post it soon. I was prepared for the jealous emotions but my hubby was not! After they left he was really emotional about it and still is. I don't know where we'll go from here.. I have a happy baby naturally and he was giggling with them and I think that was the hardest.. a part of me didn't want him to like them and me have to go in and do a rescue mission... but he smiled and played. They stayed about an hour and half, then it was time to get Sol ready for bed so they left.. I dunno.. at least it's over.. It just felt weird after they left, it was a reminder that I didn't give birth to him.. a reminder that biologically he's someone else's.. Now this does NOT change how I feel towards him I love him now more then I did yesterday.. but it does make me more Protective of him because he is MINE. and it's up to me as his mother to preserve our emotional bond if that makes sense.. I dunno now I'm rambling.. I need a nap lol

We did it

Aug 09, 2012 - 0 comments

We finally did it! We went to court today and got custody! Sol is officially a Smith! It was very emotionally nerve wrecking.. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought this is where I would be headed in my life, and I'm so blessed it where I ended up! If someone would have looked at me 1 year ago and tell me then what I know now, I would have laughed in their faces. It just goes to show you can do anything you put your mind to.

Me and my husband where determined we would get him and we did.  
I love him so very much I can hardley contain it. I want to stand on the roof tops of the tallest building and let the world know  I WHITNEY RENEE SMITH AM THE PROUD MOTHER OF SOL ZACHARIA SMITH!
I've waited YEARS to be a  mother and it has paid off in amounts I never imagined possible..

I could write forever but he's fussing wanting me to pick him up.. and how can a mother deny her child that :)