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Jul 02, 2012 - 4 comments

I've been TCC since July 2007..I've been through so much.. HSG tests that ruined my tubes.. pills.. shots.. surgeries.. BFN after BFN.. Then being told my endometriosis came back and  both my tubes need removed. I gave up on all of it.. I couldn't stand seeing or hearing someone was pregnant..  now 5 years later Sol Zacharia is almost here.. 5 weeks left. I know I can't be pregnant with him and feel him move inside me. But I will be his mommy and he'll love me and I'm already so in love with him. I need him with me so much it hurts, he's all I think of dream of.. I breath him.  I picture him with me and my husband and it's a dream come true..

I do NOT regret my fertility issues, if I didn't have my fertility issues it wouldn't have brought me to him.
life didn't have me carrying my own children in store for me.. it had Sol in store for me and it made me wait.
I have learned so much through my TCC journey.. I have patience I never dreamed I could have.. and an appreciation that is over whelming to my Bmom for giving me my son.  

He will be the most beautiful baby in the world and he'll be all mine.. I have given it a LOT of thought and if possible I would like to donate my eggs after the adoption is finale. I want to give a gift because someone gave me one.
If I could carry a child for someone I would do it in a heart beat.

I will never in my life regret what I road TCC took me and my husband through.. if I hadn't done everything I had then I wouldn't have been brought to my son.

I'm scared

May 12, 2012 - 1 comments

It's still hard for me to believe I'm adopting. It's so scary knowing I'm already to emotional and financialy involved and there's still the chance it might fall through. I want this so bad I can taste it. It's been such a long road for me to get to where I am today.. After years and years of BFN's and medications, and surgery's and nothing but dissapointing news time and time again to be told there's no chance I'll concieve on my own without IVF and removing both my tubes... I just don't know if I can handle this being the same.  11 weeks to go and I'll know for sure if I'm going to be a mom or just go home alone.. again...  We've gone through so much my husband has been with me everystep of the way and I could never thank him enough. He wants this so bad and talks about the baby all the time saying how he'll wake up every time with the baby and he's ready for dirty diapers etc etc. He's just such a wonderful man and I want this for him so much. I wish there was a way to see the future and just know it's going to be okay. But here I am 3 months away from knowing if I get to actually say I'm a mommy. Guess I'll find out if I get my baby soon enough..


Oct 26, 2011 - 5 comments

My HSG I just had showed my left tube blocked with fluid and dilated, my right tube is blocked the same right where the tube and ovary join. My doc has told me she recommends removing both tubes and undergoing IVF. I'm really nervous, and scared. I meet with her on 11/03 to go over everything and answer my questions. She told me to go home and think about it all. And really all I can do is think.....  I can get a loan for the IVF procedure, it's a lot of money... I know it's worth it IF it works, and I'm so scared to do all this and get thousands of dollars on a loan for it not to work. IF it works there would  be no amount of money that wouldn't be worth having my baby.. But how do you say , " okay take my tubes out"..  

I'm not a religious person, but at this moment GOD please help me!!

I'm going to tell her I want to do it.. remove the tubes ... and do nothing but hope and pray this will work for me.
I have very little knowledge on IVF and the chances of it working, here comes the horrid GOOGLE searches.

Good Luck to everyone still trying.. Whit


Feb 26, 2010 - 4 comments

I have now been TTC for 2 year and 5 months, 1 year and 5 months of that has been on Meds.
I've had testing and surgery to find endometriosis, adhesions, and both tubes being totally blocked needing reopened.
I've had many hard months seeing BFN after BFN, and it has gotten to the point I feel hopeless. I have lost my faith that it will happen for me, and my body feels like I've beaten it to death. My finances are getting so tight from all of this and it's straining my bank account and at times it feels my marraige. I need time to get right with myself again.
I need to concentrate on me for the next few months, get healthy and financially stable again. I want to be able to take a day off work FOR ME. Not to go to the doctors etc. etc.  If anyone would think I'm giving up I'M NOT, and if anyone were to think I'm not doing everything I can, I have. I just need time for me and to try and remember how to live with out worrying about Ovulating, the horrid TWW that always leads me to tears anyway. I feel like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders. Maybe now that's I'm not trying , I'll get pregnant......  :)