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Aug 21, 2008 - 0 comments

I am fried.  I have not cleaned a single thing to get ready for Barb's visit.  The place is a mess, mess, mess. Dirty.  I just couldn't make myself do it tonight.  i don't know what's wrong with me.  I am so stressed about Barb's visit.  This place is awful, I don't know what to do.  ANd I'm especially upset because she said she was upset with me because I don't want to go to her friends's service. I know my counselor would support me asserting myself.  But I don't want to get into this ******** immaturity thing either.  I'm fried.  I should've cancelled this visit. Oh well. Now I've got to take a shower and it's 1hour past my bedtime.  Talked to Mike briefly, though.  That was nice.

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Got to sleep

Aug 20, 2008 - 0 comments

Up a little too late again.  Went to bed after work and counseling. Did go to get lunches, did get gas, but blew off workout.  I know I should make myself stay up this afternoon, but I was so psychically pooped out. Got to catch up on class tomorrow night.  I just want to get used to this goig back to work thing and get my life back.  Missing my workouts is no good, but I've made sleep my priority this week. Gotta be fresh for tomorrow as I'll be running arouned quite a bit with new kids, new classes.

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Aug 19, 2008 - 0 comments

Back to work for 2 days and need to go to bed 1 hour ago, but I just woke up from my nap (!).  Missed morning meds for 2 days.  Missed workouts for 2 days.  Just came home and slept both days.  I'm not even going to take a shower, I spent my time wating tv for an hour just to escape, I guess.

Having  a problem with my online class -can't open some files.  The instructor emailed me some suggestions but I'm blowing that off tonight. I don't know what I'm doing!! I don't know how to use the website!!  I feel so old and out of it.  I think there is an assignment due Thurs., but I'm not even sure about that.

I can't sleep my life away again this year. I just can't.  Feeling quietly panicked tonight. Damn this depression.  I'm so sensitive to stress, and no one understands. I'm thankful to have this site for support.

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Back to work

Aug 17, 2008 - 1 comments

going back to work tomorrow morning. Picked out clothes and going to bed early.  Big risk of triggers for not looking good enough, not having stylish clothes. envy re above as well as money.  

Skills may be rusty.  Got to stay aware of this stuff.  I don't want to let it get me down. Going to try opposite thinking: I think "god, I'm fat" but counter it it with, "God, I look good.  I'm healthy." Gotta go, gotta work, got bills to pay. Ugh.

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