Jul 22, 2008
I have received great comfort from this site and I think it's time to share my story in the hope it might help others in some small way. I don't really have any pain. I wasn't in a car accident, I don't have Fibromyalgia, I'm relatively normal and healthy. When I started taking Tramadol, I was just a little depressed and thought it could help. I am completely self medicated. No prescription or evil doctor here. I started with one from a friend's prescription and I was off to the races. My habit never got too big, but it was big enough (100mg a day for almost a year) to cause some major withdrawal pain and suffering that I am still experiencing here, in the middle of day six. I am waking from a year long dream (nightmare) that I didn't even know I was having and the result, I hope, will be to regain my life.
I'm sure you've heard it before, but it bears repeating, Tramadol is a tricky little drug. Please don't believe anyone who claims that it is non-addictive and please don't allow yourself to start using it, thinking it will be an easy kick down the road. It is not easy. It is painful, it is lonely, and it is terribly difficult. That is not to say that if you are now on it, you won't be able to quit. Many have done it (check out emily post's journal), it's just a b*****. Sweating, shaking, aching, insomnia, but all worth it. How long does it take? I don't know. Everyday gets better though.
Here is a little bit about what Tramadol did to me, just to let you know how evil it is:
Tramadol made me want to be alone.
I stopped caring about what other people had to say, especially my lovely girlfriend (still have her, thank God).
Tramadol made me constipated.
Tramadol made me trivialize other people's feelings.
Tramadol made my gut hurt.
Tramadol made me freak out if I missed a dose.
Tramadol replaced all real beauty with fake drug beauty (might sound good. It's not. Trust me.)
Tramadol broke my spirit (temporarily)
Tramadol cost me money and time, both of which I would like back.
Tramadol stopped my dreams.
Tramadol never let me rest.
Tramadol damn near had me for life. I was ready to sign up for an endless nightmare rather than quit.
Tramadol caused more pain than it cured.
But I quit and you can too.
Here in day six, life still ***** in certain ways. The drug is strong in me and my body badly wants it back. I am prone these days to feeling like I am going to burst into tears at any moment, but I know it's just Tramadol. On the upside, I really enjoy being with my girlfriend again and listening to her talk about her day (absent with Tramadol as stated above). My legs go in and out on me and when I crash, I crash. It's difficult to focus in the afternoon and at night. Uh, and mornings suck too, but I have started to have a few golden hours during the day when everything seems almost normal. Be prepared for ups and downs. The road out is not straight and the twists and turns come without warning. In the middle of day two, I thought I was going to die and almost gave in, but something stopped me and it was the stories on this site. Just knowing that other people are fighting the same fight gave me the determination to make it this far. I'm not kidding myself. Day six is great, but it's only day six. One minute at a time.
Good luck and write me if you need support of any kind to get through your fight.