The holidays are a glorious time of relaxation and get-togethers; a time for celebration and remembrance of our freedom and the cost of it. However, holidays can also be a time of severe loneliness for those who have no one around them. Today I am feeling such loneliness and, despite all I've learned, I am truly struggling today.
Normally, this could trigger a binge, however, today I can not eat. The one item I have eaten so far, is not on my list of foods I should be consuming.
My refrigerator stopped working at a time when it was FULL of food and despite our best efforts, it is not repairable. The refrigerator is 55 degrees, the freezer food has thawed and I must simply wait until Tuesday evening to put it out in the garbage bins.
Am normally most resilient and find positive thoughts in everything .. am simply overwhelmed with this latest event and my 30-year shingles (about 10 years old) are cracking into little pieces and falling to the deck and sidewalk. If not repaired soon .. at least by fall .. it will affect the structure and the house will be lost. Being unemployed there is simply no money for repairs. It is hard to see your last asset disintegrating with no means to stop it.
And, by the way, the stimulus package passed by the government to be of assistance to struggling home owners .. is only eligible if you've had a decrease in "wages" ... not if your "wages" have been decreased to unemployment. If you've lost your job and are on unemployment .. you are on your own!
Normally shiny me hesitates to be this honest and admit this much sorrow .. but to fail to do so would not be sharing the truth. The truth is .. I will feel this and survive somehow .. and will work again to count my blessings.
1. My granddaughter is in remission.
2. My mom is still alive.
3. My heart still has the capacity to love and to hurt.