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A New Year and A New Chance!

Jan 04, 2014 - 0 comments

new year



For those that have been following my journey, you will know that last year was a time for both extreme happiness and extreme sadness. Like so many PCOS sufferers me and my partner had been having such a hard time at trying to conceive but were blessed with a miracle. The miracle however was not meant to be and we lost our little one close to the ending of 2013. But as I had stated 2013 was also an extremely wonderful year! My lovely partner Adam had decided to choose Christmas Eve to propose to me and had chosen to do so in such a special way through a video he had made which I will link to all of you lovely people to watch for yourselves.

But as a new year starts as I stated in the title, it's a new chance for me and Adam to try once again to make our dreams of being a family come true. We received our new fertility appointment for the 25th of February and hope that this time we will receive treatment we so desperately need to enable us to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

So for those who are trying to conceive this year, I wish you all the very best of luck in making your dreams come true and I so hope that this year is the year that not only me and Adam conceive but all you lovely ladies out there do too! For those already pregnant with your blessings, I wish you a very healthy and successful pregnancy and wish you all a very healthy birth.

Love to all and a very Happy 2014!

The Big Heartache

Oct 05, 2013 - 1 comments






For 7 weeks we had hoped and prayed that the miracle god had given to us would make it into our arms and into our lives however this was sadly not the case..

Throughout our small time being parents, me and my wonderful partner got to watch our little miracle blossom and grow from nothing into a wonderfully small little baby however being small was our little ones problem.. After so many scans we began to realise that our child was rarely growing and then on our last scan was notified that he or she was only half the size our little squishie should have been and that there was a small bleed already forming due to abnormalities.

This morning the heartache came when our little squishie eventually passed through and all our hopes for the 1% chance survival had completely disappeared.. However.. Because we knew this would eventually happen.. We were prepared and as devastated as we were, we cried and talked of a future where one day our miracle will happen and for now.. In my eyes.. Our baby will be waiting for me and my lovely Adam when we get to heaven ourselves,. Goodbye is never forever and I know that in my heart my child will be there for me and I can have back the stolen time.

With this news comes to me though.,. A revelation.. Though our squishie is gone.. It's one more angel in the sky to help protect, love and guide mine and Adams future children through their lives, an angel that can give them the spiritual guidance and protection they will need that even me and Adam could never give. Our future children will never be alone and I know.. When our future children arrive that one day I will tell them that they have an angel to watch them, to protect them and to ensure they are never alone, they will know that like me they will have a little brother or sister always ensuring that they can feel free and loved.

But there's also one other thing that helped me through.. A poem I had found that put everything into perspective and I wanted to share it with all those who like me had lost a part of themselves but hold on to the knowledge that it's not forever and that there was a reason for all our lost little ones...

"Daddy please don't look so sad, momma please don't cry.
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.
You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So daddy don't looks so sad and momma please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!


My partner couldn't bring himself to read the poem I had found and I can't blame him, he questions why our child was taken from us after we did EVERYTHING right, all the right foods, bed rest, all the right vitamin and mineral tablets, supplements.. Nothing was done wrong and yet those that walk through their pregnancies who don't do anything right through continuous smoking, drinking and everything else can still have their children when we struggled for so long to have ours  and know it could take time once again.. I know his pain but I know mine and Adams time will come when we do have a healthy child.. I pray that day will be one day soon..

Thankyou for all your support and all the lovely messages I had throughout my pregnancy.. The support meant more to me and my partner than anything as we felt a strangers kindness through their words.. Bless you all and I hope that you all have wonderful pregnancies and healthy children.


The Big Surprise!!!

Sep 05, 2013 - 1 comments












Within my previous entry came all about how me and my partner had finally made the big decision to try to make our family complete with our own little bundle of joy.. Here's how things have gone!

Me and my partner Adam had made an appointment with our local doctor to see what would be needed to be done in order to help us to conceive the child that we had always wanted, we were prepared for the long journey ahead that we knew in the end would be rewarding and we were excited from the very beginning!!

The day of our appointment came around quickly and on the morning of the day of something new I had awoken to find my partner had not slept a single wink from pure excitement (cute huh?). We quickly got to our appointment in time for me to have my blood test to look at all my hormone levels and everything else the doctor needed to have information wise before seeing her face to face to receive answers, ask questions and to set everything we needed and wanted plan wise in motion.

The doctor confirmed that I would need the help of a specialist clinic and that the downheartning side would be that we would have to wait at least 3-4 weeks for Adam to have his tests done before anything could be placed in action for the both of us. Though the time period may seem short to some to others that are so desperate for a child, I believe they would know how I felt at that news, and to my surprise my partner felt the same disheartening feeling I did at such a long time to wait.

Though we were still downhearted my partner couldn't help himself when he spotted a tiny baby bath towel that he seemed to really like, and his grin all but made my heart rise once more knowing that we were in this together.

Here's the good part to this journal!!!

It had been just one day since our appointment when I was stood washing the dishes to feel an overwhelming urge to be sick.. With feeling tired all through the day, sore nipples and a few other symptoms combined that I had pushed to the side for the lack of belief that I could ever fall pregnant without a period I pushed all thoughts out of my head and decided that I would take a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side. What was merely seconds before a result returned to me simply left me shocked at the fact 2 beautiful clear lines had appeared leaving me with a positive pregnancy test!!

I rushed to my partner but both agreed that it could be just a one off result and that to be sure we would take another pregnancy test using a completely different brand.. Low and behold.. The same beautiful result appeared leaving me and my partner simply bursting with excitement!!!

For once.. Luck is on my side.. And I hope it continues as we book our appointment to confirm that we are carrying the child we always wanted..

May luck be with you all.. And I can't wait to continue my story as my life.. My partners life.. And the possibility of the life of our unborn child <3

The big desicion

Aug 29, 2013 - 0 comments




Ever since I was old enough i'd always wanted a family of my own and these wants were only ever increased as I grew up raising two beautiful twins for 4 years to help my neighbor as she balanced her work and sleeping through the years.
I was never what you would call 'regular' when it came to periods and as a teen growing up I became a little more tubby than usual which I never really thought about until I was 19 and fate had decided to be in my eyes cruel  as I was diagnosed with PCOS, a condition that could easily mess with my dreams of parenthood if they so wished.

Being diagnosed with something that could affect a major part of my life installed all the fears into me as I feared me and my partner would never have children.. A part of me wondered if my partner would still even want to be with me if it was proven that I couldn't have them.. However my partner showed me just how strong he was and that even with all the knowledge he now had he would always stick with me no matter what. The relief I felt was unreal but I was still determined.. Now more than ever.. That me and Adam would become parents.

After what seemed forever in my eyes, my partner finally broke the news to me that he was ready for a baby and that there was nothing more that he wanted than to become a father. Family is what we wanted and we decided there and then that we would take any and all steps needed to pursue our dreams of parenthood.

Since the talk and decision of coming to an agreement of what we both wanted in life we jumped so far ahead we even decided on names for our future children, though boys names were something we just couldn't agree on.

Though the first entry to my journal is short, I hope it will be the first of many in my journey to become a mother and to enter the wonderful life of parenthood with my wonderful partner Adam.

Let the adventure for our family begin.