Oct 04, 2008
Obedient loyal orthodox Catholics don't see a lot of gray areas, so forgive me or don't :-==)/ if my attitude is a bit polar but
I have reared two fine boys that have had their problems, and they are now fine young men who love God and their momma. I love my boys. I would do anything to still be able to rock them in my arms and play legos again and snuggle for nite nite stories. Life is too short- have fun with your kiddos.
When I was younger I could not imagine spanking my children- I didn't have to do it much - but I know the times I did were well thought out- I decided it was the approach to use at the time, and I followed my heart- and I never saw the behavior again that I punished them for....used sparingly and lovingly it is a wake up call- call it intimidation if you'd like. I respect authority and I got a few when I misbehaved.
I leave it to you to decide if you have to go that far- if it causes her emotional or physical harm, you are sinning. If you lose your temper and react in anger while you spank- you are being led to sin.....which of course is unacceptable.
Spankings should be few and far between- and a last resort and don't tell me you tried it and it didn't work- do NOT hurt the child but spank hard enough for them to feel it- do not leave a mark- that is abusive. If you are rational and unemotional when you administer corporal punishment you are doing it correctly- If you have a belt in your hand and are yelling- you have already "lost it" before you take one swing!
Have you tried to control things for a short time and are giving up because let's face it- we want things to happen- we like fast food- we love to be entertained PPV is awesome - I KNOW!- we love to have control whether or not we will admit it- we want our child to mind now!!!!!!! Well sometimes parents have to work HARD at changing a behavior and it will not come easily and it will not change instantly. by the way- your smarter children will not learn to behave right away- they will learn to react and manipulate right away- forcing you to try to control the situation even more so you change tactics- DUH- the child got what she wanted! and you get confused! "well I've tried and it didn't work so I tried this and it didn't work"- tell me you tried for 90 days and it didn't work and I will have sympathy for ya LOL
that being said- try something for 90 days and it doesn't work- fine- change tactics-That is a parent that is Proactive and not Reactive!
Try loving prompts first counsel- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"
next try thinking time- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"
Spankings- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"
Have 2 rules- these are basically all society expects from us:
do not expect perfection and do not punish a child for accidents, mistakes, forgetfulness.
Deal with the hard stuff. Their brains will be "adult like" when they are adults!
when a child does not respect another's feelings:
this includes harming herself
bringing emotional or physical harm to another
If this behavior is worrisome to the point you have tried something consistently for a period, and it is bad enough to send you to these forums I beg you to get help and work with your health care professionals until everyone is satisfied. Please do not tell us in the forums you do not want to medicate or you took a break to let your child be medicine free for a bit without a dr's advice- if my child needed insulin and I decided to take a break from giving it, I would be a neglectful parent