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Oct 02, 2008 - 0 comments

Exhausted! Auto pilot like, I feel like I need matchsticks to keep my eyes opened, but my brain is still going,
Battery- that has needs charging again.  
I feel so alone, even though I have a the best hubby and 2 beautiful kids, I feel so alone... I am hiding bipolar from the world.. The only one's I feel I can really let out my real feelings and so on is on this forum, still I worry that someone I know will hop on this forum for what ever reason and pick up that it is me and freak out and tell other people and as you can see I am being silly...
well an ok day today, apart from being so tired... I have to live with that I guess.

Fat, Fat, Fat!

Sep 21, 2008 - 0 comments

I feel so Fat, and I just want to scream, I hate the way I look at the moment and I hate my clothes being tighter on me and the flab sticking out. I feel like ****.  
I can't let my daughter see that I am worried about my weight as this will impact on her and that's the last thing I want for her... Please my dear girl (love yourself for you) be healthy..
I am causing her to also eat bad food as she sees me eating **** so she eats it too.. It will catch up on her too one day (when she is my age) and it will be all my fault.
I need to be more active and get motivated, get off my arse and actually move vigorously instead of having excuses or saying I will start tomorrow.. I need to start now.
I don't know how to start and I have never had this problem before, I have always had a healthy weight and managed it quite well.
When I was in hospital they warned about putting on weight... I can't handle this i really can't.. I can't be bothered either doing anything about it but I want to (how sad am I ). I know I need to lose weight, I know I need to change my diet and exercise more and yet I can't be bothered.  That's what scares me so.  Not being bothered!!!
I need to get bothered and now!!!!

Please body stop putting on weight and lose it instead...

New Day!

Sep 14, 2008 - 0 comments

Tomorrow is a new day and the weekend is over... I feel better about my job now, (thanks to others insight and their great advice) I will go in tomorrow and give it my all again.... I need to be positive in my role as this is what helps me achieve my goals and will help me get through the day... The best part about my job is the people you work with....
I feel lucky that I have a job and that I am seen as a role model there (God knows how) I shouldn't say that really...
Well I am tired and need my sleep... I find the valpro makes me sleepy and I like to take it at least 1hr before bed so I know that I will get a good night sleep...
I wonder though, will I ever be off these meds? Or is this it for the rest of my life? I am sick of blood tests I hate them, I know they must check my levels and so on... But still I hate them!!!
I wonder what I will dream about tonight? Last night I dreamt about a turtle! Yes a Turtle and although the dream has faded from me now, I do remember the Turtle was dangerous and it was a big deal for some reason....
What ever that means hey?
I often do dream things and they come true or have some importance in my life....
Good night
Sleep tight
Don't let the bed bugs BITE.....

bp13 xxx

My kids...

Sep 12, 2008 - 0 comments

why is it that my kids really know where it hurts the most and what to say to hurt me???
My son has this attitude at the moment and I cannot seem to get him to do anything without an argument...
I feel horrible, and he will say things like "You hate me and you don't want me around" "Your being mean to me" "you never do anything with me but Dad does..."
The thing is I do do things with him perhaps not as much as Dad because lately he has been choosing to do more things with Dad and I thought that this was great (bonding)
I don't want to lose my son and I sometimes feel that he pushes me away - how can I connect with him?

My daughter cannot except no for an answer and must have the last word.... We don't give in to her (she is not spoilt)
My husband seems to have more issues with her at the moment than I.... But I can see what he is saying about her attitude and her stubbornness. But I find I am closer to her than my son, and I don't want it to be this way. I want to be close to both my children and to have them know that I am here for them both...

Is this normal or what?