All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Back from Michigan!

Jun 17, 2009 - 0 comments

I went back home for my lil sisters graduation and i had a blast so did hubby. I didnt have any pills or anything on me the whole time and i didnt really think about it that much. I was there for a whole week. We went kayaking, tubing, went to the zoo for rich's first time. Had a couple partys got to see old friends and meet there babys! I came home and instant depresion. I had to go back to work at subway and nothing changed there still hate my job! Then my mother in law tells me to come over that she has something that will make me smile. So i go thinking she's got some vicodin for me. Wow was i wrong i walked in the door and she had a line waiting for me on the table. I havent done powder in some years and i kinda didnt want to but since it waS there and free why not. So now for the last week ive been doing coke. I know nothing in my life is going to change for me unless i change it but its so hard and all i want to do to be happy is any drug i can find. I had some money in the bank for bills and i blew it all away litterly.

wtf was i thinking?!

Apr 14, 2009 - 8 comments

I woke up this morning at 6 in the morning to begin wds! I didnt think it was going to effect me like it is. I only had 30 pills. ******* me i made it 80 days clean time and messed it all up with one bottle. My stomach is so messed up most people on here say they dont throw up but for some reason i do. I gotta make it outta the house to get some immodium. I havent ate anything all day cuz im scared its just going to come back up. I hope i can make it this time i know i dont want to feel like this ever again. I had to call off work and thats not an easy thing to do if u cant find somebody to work for ya u gotta bring in a doctors note. I cant afford to see a doc for other problems why would i go when i know whats wrong with me and its just going to take a couple of days!

Damn vicodin never ending story!

Mar 30, 2009 - 0 comments

I finaly told the neighbor lady that i ate all her pills the last time she gave them too me she said thats ok i got another one for ya and instead of the 750's i got the extra strength. I want em so bad. Its been 70 some odd days and thats about all i think about is pills and coke lately. Not sure whats up with that. I think my mind doesnt like to be sober. She's supposed to be coming over when she gets done with work so she can give em to me. I told her i ate the whole other bottle and it was like it was nothing. I want them but i dont i dont want to have to go threw day one again my stomach is messed up enough on its own. It gets rock hard and cramps up almost after eveytime i eat it reminds me of how my stomach was on those day one's! I need money so i really should just sell em but seeing them and knowing that she doesnt care makes it easier to just eat em all! Ughhh.

suicide

Feb 23, 2009 - 0 comments

I got a phone call from my best friend from back home. She left me a voicemail this morning talking about how proud she is of me and that she was going to miss me. She called off a private phone number and i cant call back. This isnt the first time she's talked like this. I dont know what to do. I keep on calling her girlfriends number but she wont answer my number because they just broke up. I dont know where she is or how to get a hold of her. I know her mom has a myspace and i left her a note to call me but i dont know if she ever gets on it. Im so worried and cant do anything. Any suggestions?