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Phase III - Will It Work??  

Jun 14, 2009 - 0 comments

June 14, 2009

Here I am back again with the next phase of my diet experiences.  If you read my other 2 journals, you will know – but I’ll remind you that I went on “mission” to clear out my life of clutter and get rid of the excess tonnage I’ve put on over the past 2.5 years due to my thyroid issues….

This all started after I read a book called “If You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair” by Geneen Roth.  I’ve read the book 4 times now.  

Anyway, this book focuses on losing weight by NOT dieting.  I’m currently in the process of reading another book by the same author called “Feeding the Hungry Heart”.  It, too, is about losing weight without “dieting”.  

Anyway, in the process of bringing myself around to the point that I’m at now, I went through a couple of very hard weekends not long ago cleaning out my dressers and closet.  My husband completely rebuilt all the shelves and I’ve gotten rid of everything I owned that didn’t fit, didn’t look good, or I just didn’t wear.  I got rid of multiple boxes and bags of clothes, belts, shoes and all types of other stuff.  I’ve cleaned out my bathroom closet, medicine cabinet and gotten rid of all the old meds/vitamins/minerals, etc that I no longer use…….  

The idea behind these two books is that when we start “dieting” we are telling ourselves that we can’t be trusted with food; therefore, we have to limit the types and amounts of food that we eat or we would eat the whole world.  Her adage is: for every diet we go on; there is an equal and opposite binge………  Somehow, I tend to believe that –

I have tried to change the way I eat – no sugar, white bread, white potatoes, etc.  I can easily give up sugar – I’ve never been a big sweets eater anyway.  White bread – that’s not hard to let go either, because I love whole wheat, or other grains.  Potatoes – well, that’s another story entirely.  

But let me back up and think a different way.  I was raised on a farm in SE South Dakota and our “staples” included homemade white bread, mashed potatoes and gravy, various meats, etc, along with whole, “fresh from the cow’ full fat milk and cream.  We often even made our own butter.  Although we now know that was not the healthiest way to eat it was the custom at the time and through it all, I never had a problem with weight or food at all.  When I was growing up, we didn’t HAVE all the prepackaged foods that are available today.  We grew our own livestock for meat, had our own garden, chickens for eggs, etc.  

Of course, it took a lot of work to raise the livestock, gardens, etc so there was plenty of exercise carrying feed to the animals, herding them, cleaning up behind them, milking cows  and doing whatever else needed to be done.  In addition to that – because we lived on a farm and our parents were not willing/able to DRIVE us every where, we (meaning we kids) had to walk a lot to get where we wanted to go.  Most of our friends lived within walking distance – 2-5 miles – anyway, so we always had lots of exercise………

Even as I grew older, got married and had my own family, I still NEVER had a problem with my weight; although there were times when I THOUGHT I was too fat and I’d stop eating for a day or two, lose a few pounds and be right back to “normal”.  

Somewhere along in my late 30’s, I suddenly gained about 15 pounds for no apparent reason; a few months later I lost that 15 pounds, along with a few more, also for no apparent reason..  Several episodes like this took place periodically over the next 20 years – maybe once every couple of years or so.  Also during ALL of this time, I constantly complained of fatigue that no amount of sleep would ease.  Ironically, NO ONE ever thought to check my thyroid to see if there might be a problem.  *I* didn’t know anything about thyroid issues at that time, so did not know to even ASK for any testing; I was relying on my doctor(s) to provide my medical care.  The closest ANY of the doctors came to touching on a cause for my problems, was the old country doctor who dx’d me with pernicious anemia way back when I was in my mid 20’s – and *I* didn’t listen to HIM.

In my other journals, I recounted the things that happened over the past 2.5 years that got me to where I am now……. I have hypothyroidism/Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, pernicious anemia and osteopenia.  That’s what we know of for a fact.  *I*, personally, believe that there are some other issues that have NOT been addressed – such as insulin resistance/prediabetes, which my current pcp won’t evne talk to me about, in spite of the fact that diabetes is rampant in my family.  There may be some other issues too.  

I’m going to be changing pcp’s this fall,  and am hoping that the new one I’ve chosen will be easier to work with.  I’ve heard from several people who go to him, that he listens very well and is extremely thorough…….

Anyway, here I am now with these medical issues and who doesn’t know that hypothyroidism causes weight issues for many, many people?  The thyroid controls so many of the bodies’ functions, metabolism being a major one of them.

We all know that somehow we have USE more calories than we take in, in order to lose weight.  What *THEY* (the experts) don’t tell us, is what to do when our metabolism is slowed down to the point that we’d have to starve in order to lose weight??????  

I believe when we make the decision to “go on a diet”, we set ourselves up for failure before we ever get started.  I agree with Geneen Roth in her books – “for every diet, there is an equal and opposite binge”…  I can safely say that holds true for me.  

Every time I’ve tried to limit my food intake, keep my mealtimes on a tight schedule, I end up GAINING in the long run.  I end up thinking of NOTHING except food – what I’m going to have for my next meal, how long away is the meal?  how many calories does it have? Is that more calories than I’m allotted at one sitting?  FOOD is the ONLY thing I can think of.  I can’t concentrate on work or anything else.  Often, I worry about how hungry I am, when I’m not even really hungry and my thoughts zero in on when the next meal will roll around and won’t go anywhere else.  

Every time I try to “go on a diet” – I’m telling myself that I am unable to act responsibly around food and I know that’s NOT true.  I have to keep reminding myself that “A DIET ONLY CONSISTS OF THE FOOD WE EAT”.   I’ve said this before – a diet is what you eat: a cow lives on a of corn, a dog lives on dog food, elephants live on a diet of plants, snakes live on a diet of mice.  

The term DIET should not be used as weight loss tool.  A diet is the food that keeps us alive, whether it’s good, bad or indifferent.  

The strategy I’m working to adopt is that if I allow my body to choose for me, it WILL choose the right things to eat..  I KNOW this because I never cared for sweet, sugary foods, chocolate, etc.  When given a choice of a chocolate bar or a bowl of popcorn - *I* would choose the popcorn….. Given a choice between pieces of candy or an apple, *I* would choose the apple.  That tells me that I’m NOT irresponsible in choosing my food and I don’t need someone to tell me what to eat for each meal, how much and how often.  

The idea is eat ONLY when you are hungry, but eat EVERY TIME you get hungry; then STOP as soon as you begin feeling full, no matter how much is left on your plate.  

This is the concept that I’ve been working on for the past few weeks.  Let me be the first to tell you -------- this takes even more practice than going on a weight loss “diet”.  *I* am so programmed to eat at certain times.

I grew up with breakfast (about 6 am), dinner (noon) and supper (6 pm) as the main meals of the day.  Lunch was mid-morning (10:00), mid afternoon (3-4 pm) and sometimes an evening “mini-meal” (8-9 pm).  Our lunches were what we now look at as “snacks”, and they consisted of maybe a sandwich, a cookie and something to drink (coffee for adults, most likely kool aid for the youngsters).  The evening lunch, if there was one, almost always consisted of popcorn.  The 3 main meals of the day were large meals that consisted of meat, potatoes, a veggie and/or salad, breads, dessert and drink.  

I have pretty much lived my life on a similar schedule; my husband was raised on a farm in Iowa similar to the one I grew up on in South Dakota, so his habits were pretty much the same as mine, which made it easy.  The one thing that made it even easier is that until the past couple of years, neither of us ate breakfast….. THAT meant I didn’t have to get up early enough to cook, clean up, etc.  A couple of years ago, *I* realized that I HAD to start eating breakfast – ok, I started, but my hubby still doesn’t – means I only have to fix for myself……

My current schedule no longer matches well with the schedule that I “learned” all those years ago.  I start my day at 3 am and end it at 7 pm.  That means that everything in between must change as well.  
On top of that, I have my thyroid meds to take, along with certain vitamins and minerals that can’t be taken within 4 hrs of the thyroid med.  This all presents a whole different challenge because: thyroid meds need to be taken immediately upon arising, with nothing to eat or drink for 30 min to an hour.  

The bottom line here is that MY eating schedule is NOTHING like that of most people and I’ve had to try to adapt and juggle things in order to be able to get in the meds, vitamins/minerals, etc without having them all “clash”.  

What I’m getting at here is that even though I “learned” to eat on a regular schedule and if we didn’t eat when food was on the table, we were out of luck.  NOW you see why it’s so hard for me to “eat every time, I get hungry”?? Whenever I get hungry, the first thing I do is look at the clock to see if it’s “meal time”……. And if it’s not, I find me trying to force myself into “waiting”.  

Anyway, I’ve been doing rather well at this over the past few weeks.  My hubby makes it easier because he eats a huge noon meal every day, so isn’t very hungry in the evenings, so he normally goes for popcorn…… That means that *I* can pretty much eat on my own “schedule” (which is whenever I get hungry).

I’m also learning to stop eating as soon as I start feeling full, because I know that I don't have to “stuff myself” since I have to don’t wait a specific amount of time before I can eat again – if I’m hungry in an hour, I can eat in an hour.  

I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone or not – BUT – I started out last week with the scale on 149 on Monday morning and I ended the week with it sitting on 145.  I AM keeping in mind that I have played “footsie” with some of these same pounds over the past couple of years – I’ve probably lost and gained them at least 10 times, so I don’t know whether or not this is a true “weight loss” or if I’m being set up for disappointment, but whatever happens, I feel so much better about the idea that I’m not specifically on a “weight loss diet”.  

I will choose the best foods, and only eat what I need to be satisfied.  That always worked in the past, I’ve got to trust myself enough now to let it work again.  

Phase 2 of my New "Diet" Concept

May 10, 2009 - 6 comments

Well, here I am again - for anyone who read my other journal, you know that I've gone on a "mission" to get my life cleared out and uncluttered.  

Anyway, after reading the book by Geneen Roth that I mentioned in my other journal post (I actually read the book 3 times and am currently on my 4th round), I decided that nothing I had tried so far was working for weight loss, so I would try her concept of losing weight by “NOT dieting”.  In the process of getting started, I needed to get rid of anything and everything that no longer fit/felt/looked well.  I am still trying to learn how to be as nice to myself as I try to be to others.  

I started this whole process by completely cleaning my bedroom and bathroom from ceiling to floor a couple of weeks ago; I've cleaned out the bathroom closet and my dresser drawers.  

The next thing was my bedroom closet...........  It took a bit longer to get at that for both practical and emotional reasons.  

All I had was one hanging rod with a shelf above it and everything else was either crammed on the shelf or on the floor.  I had my husband bring me some shelving material this past week in preparation for "THE BIG EVENT"..  While HE took the dog to the vet yesterday for her annual shots, *I* began the undesirable task of emptying out the closet.  I removed every single item and what a chore it was….  

Hanging clothes were laid across the bed, to be gone through later; all the other "stuff" was stacked up elsewhere, also to be gone through later.  I didn't realize it, but I had 12 pairs of shoes, still in their boxes.  Yep, shoes are my THING..  Most of them were sandals and/or dress shoes, which I can't wear on a daily basis since I am not allowed to wear open toed shoes to work, and my job, being mostly outside, makes heels very impractical and unsafe.  

Anyway, after I got the closet cleaned out, hubby began cutting the shelves to fit.  He first replaced the shelf above the hanging rod, since the existing one was all warped, etc.  After all, we ARE starting a whole new concept here. Then he added 6 more shelves (4 on one end of the closet, 2 on the opposite end).  

While he was putting up the shelving, I began the difficult task of going through my clothes.  Almost everything I had in there is size 6 or 8.  I wore size 6 for years and when my thyroid went wacko, I began gaining and went to the 8’s, not knowing that, like the Energizer bunny, I would keep going and going and going………..In fact, I gained so fast that I just skipped right over the 10’s and went straight to 12. So far, I’ve been able to keep it from going higher.    

I started the whole process with my belts, as I figured THAT wouldn’t be too hard.  Well, it was kind of, but not SO bad because I have a couple of belts that are my favorites and those are the ones I wear anyway, so I got through that – it was just the idea that a couple that I used to wear all the time lacked about 3 inches of the ends even meeting.

I had several pairs of pants that even still had the tags on, as well as matching tops, etc.  Since I have to wear a uniform to work every day, I can only wear “street clothes” on weekends, so I’d find something I liked, buy it and before I even had a chance to wear it, I’d outgrown it.  And of course, at that time NOT knowing that I had a thyroid problem, I left them hanging there, thinking that I would be able to lose the weight as easily as I put it on and that I’d be able to fit into them again in no time…….  Wow, how wrong could I have been!!!!!!!!!  

After I got done going through the clothing, I tackled the shoes.  Remember, 12 pairs still in their boxes……  My feet have gotten fat right along with the rest of me and a lot of them no longer fit.  Plus I had a lot of other shoes that were stored in shoe racks or just piled up on the floor, for lack of enough room to keep them anywhere else.  By the time I got to the shoes, it was late in the day and my feet were swelled as happens every day, so if I couldn’t slip my feet into the shoes easily, I didn’t keep them.  Again, nothing that doesn’t fit/look/feel well.  

Anyway, my closet is now very clean and definitely “pared down”.  There is NOTHING left in it that doesn’t fit me.  I didn’t save even 1 pair of “skinny” jeans or anything.  I had some things that I *CAN* still wear, but they didn’t look good/feel comfy, etc ----- they are gone too.  If I had any doubt at all as to whether or not I would wear something, I did NOT put it back into the closet.  

I ended up with  2 boxes of clothing that will be donated to Good Will.  Most of it is things that I used to wear to work when I had an office job and is all in very good condition.  The type of things we all say “oh THAT’S too good to get rid of”…….. Well, it’s all packed up.  Maybe the skirts, tops, etc will help someone who DOES have an office job, but can’t afford new.  Along with the 2 boxes, I have a large garbage bag of shoes – I didn’t do an exact count, but I believe there are somewhere around 20 +/- pairs.  

Besides the boxes and bags for Good Will, I have another whole pile of jeans and other things on my dining table that MIGHT fit my daughter or her “almost step daughter”.  I’m not too sure about my daughter – she was dx’d last summer with lupus and has also gained a lot of weight from the meds.  She’s a couple inches taller than me, but more “hippy”, so I hope she isn’t disappointed if she can’t get into them.  We’ll see.  She will be here later this morning to spend Mother’s Day.  

You know, I’ve had to clear out my closet before, but never for the reason I had to do it this time.  Usually when I go through this process, it’s because I’ve gotten some new stuff and just need to make room for it.  Or if I DID gain weight and could no longer wear stuff, I knew I’d be losing it easily, so usually just packed it neatly into boxes to store until I could fit into them again.  

I’d like to think that this time will be the same, but somehow, I suspect NOT….  I’ve never had SO much trouble losing weight, but then I’ve also NEVER had Hashimoto’s/hypothyroidism before either.  

I don’t know how this is going to work for me.  I have no intention of just “letting myself go”.  I plan to continue to eat well and exercise regularly.  I plan to stay involved in the WL&D forum and will do whatever I can to help get others started on the long journey to weight loss and I will ALWAYS advocate losing weight in a healthy sensible manner.  I will also always hope that others don’t have to go through what I’ve gone through to accomplish their goals.  

I recall that twehner5 made a comment in my other journal post about being hesitant to post much on WL&D because SHE doesn’t actually “DIET”; she might not diet by counting calories, carbs, etc, but she DOES focus on eating well, and I happen to know that she goes to the Y almost every day and gets plenty of exercise.  Don’t stop posting twehner……… Remember: a DIET is simply what you eat…….. monkeys eat a diet of bananas, panda bears eat a diet of eucalyptus leaves, etc.  

I am often reluctant to post there also, because *I* first advocate that anyone having a horribly hard time losing weight needs to be checked out by their doctor to make sure they don’t have underlying medical issues.  I know there are a number of medical issues, including, but certainly not limited to, thyroid, insulin resistance, PCOS, even some meds etc that can cause weight gain and/or inability to lose.  I always hope that by advocating that medical issues be considered at the start of the weight loss journey, I can help prevent someone else having to go through what I’ve been through.  I apologize for sometimes sounding like a broken record, but I firmly believe that one SHOULD get checked for those, and/or other issues.  I wish *I* could have gotten my doctor to check sooner, maybe I could have prevented SOME of what I’m going through now.  

AND I must also flip the coin here – because I’m sure it sounds like I blame the whole weight issue on my thyroid and pretty much I do, BUT I’m sure there are SOME things *I* can do differently as well.  Everyone says that weight loss comes down to a matter of “calories in/calories out” and I’m sure that’s right, but it still makes no sense.

I know that 1 lb = 3500 calories; therefore, I would really like a plausible explanation of how I can GAIN 5 lbs overnight when I haven’t eaten ANY calories…….  

OR – if my body requires 1200-1500 calories just to function + more for exercise, etc and that’s about what I eat each day (or less), how can I continue to gain?  I know there’s the water weight, undigested food, etc but even THAT can’t explain a 5 pound gain overnight.  

If anyone reading this has an explanation, I’d be the first to want to hear it.  

So now I have my closet all cleaned out and all the clothing/shoes residing there fit properly and are comfortable to wear.  As time goes by, I may find that I don’t wear some things often enough to warrant having them take up the space and will most likely continue to weed them out.  The idea is to keep everything uncluttered and comfortable. For right now --------- this has been a very taxing, emotional ordeal for me, so I’m just anxious to get the boxes/bags out of my house, so I no longer have to look at them.  

For everyone who is a mother: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.  
For those who have no children: HAPPY SUNDAY…….

A New "Diet" Concept for ME

May 03, 2009 - 8 comments

I've gotten very frustrated with the whole rationale behind losing weight.  As most everyone knows, because I'm sure I sound an "A, # 1 whiner" most of the time, I've got Hashimoto's Thyroiditis/Hypothyroidism.  My weight went from a very normal 115 lbs about 2 yrs ago to the astronomical figure of about 145, on a very SMALL boned 5' tall  frame.  What damage the thyroid situation hasn't done, the weight did.  I feel like a slug most of the time - fat, and barely crawling, although physically, I feel relatively well.  Some days, I get really tired and feel like I need a nap about 9:00 in the morning, but then I have to keep reminding myself that I get up at 3:30 am - what's so wrong with needing a nap at 9:00 ---- well, nothing except that's the middle of my work day and there's no way I can lay down and take one......... Another factor that I hate to take into consideration is that I'm 59 yrs old - well, for another month anyway.  

When I was in my late 20's an old country doctor in Iowa dx'd me with pernicious anemia.  I took shots for a while, but didn't think they did much - hmm, I didn't know that it takes a while to get the full effects - so I stopped getting them.  From then on, my # 1 complaint with every doctor I've seen has been fatigue.  Long story short - 2 yrs ago, I finally had the right symptoms and another doctor finally dx'd pernicious anemia again and I'm now back on shots - won't EVER give those babies up again.  Started on the B12 shots in Aug '07, which is the same time I quit smoking because of excess tissue on my vocal cords which was making it almost impossible to talk any more.  I was sent to an ENT who dx'd me with Reinkes Edema and said he could "fix it", but would do so only on the condition that I quit smoking.  

That was August 13, 2007.  I had a cigarette about 2 hrs before that appt with the ENT and haven’t had one since.  So- about 6 weeks after that initial appt, I was back with the ENT making arrangements to have surgery on my vocal cords that would remove all that tissue and let me talk again.  I had to have 2 surgeries, so they did the right one first because it wasn’t quite so bad.  That one was on Oct 19, 2007. After the surgery, I could not make any sounds for at least a week – doctor’s orders “don’t even try”.  So I carried a small dry erase board on a rope around my neck with appropriate pens in my pocket (different colored pens mean different things or varying importance).  

Because of insurance and the fact that my deductible was paid for that year (2007), I got the ENT to do the other surgery also before the end of the year, which meant that one was done on Dec 17.  I started voice therapy in Jan 2008 and continued until March 2008.   Why am I putting all this down now?  Very simple, read on.  

During all this time, I was going to my pcp once/month for B12 shot but still felt tired all the time, hmm.  Gaining weight like there is no tomorrow – we all, including me, ENT, pcp – put it down to the fact that I quit smoking…….  Made sense at the time.  

So, while all this is going on, I’m keeping a food journal (800-1000 calories/day), exercising my butt off – well, I thought I was, but unfortunately, it didn’t leave; instead, it chose to keep getting bigger and bigger AND BIGGER…………

At that time, I was still going to my pcp’s office to get my B12 shots and I was up to 2X/month rather than one.  Anyway, one day I mentioned to the nurse giving me the shot, that I still felt awfully tired and just couldn’t stop gaining weight, no matter what.  She suggested that I make an appt to see about getting my thyroid tested.  I took her advice and here I am.  Meds getting changed every time I turn around, pcp not cooperating – insisting that Synthroid is the ONLY med to take – I could go on forever with this stuff.  

Anyway, it’s been almost a year since I was dx’d with hypothyroidism, only a few months since I got the Hashi’s dx.  I feel better than I’ve felt in years, really – in spite of the tired times, aching muscles sometimes, etc.  If there’s one thing I can be sure of, NOTHING will be the same today as it was yesterday.  

So once the thyroid issue was dx’d, I was pretty much left on my own as far as the weight.  My pcp kept telling me I just “need to MOVE more” – don’t forget that I said earlier in this journal entry that I was exercising my tail off – trying to, but it wasn’t happening.  

Everyone says “calories in/calories out = weight loss” – sorry, that doesn’t work for everyone.  

So all this time – past 2+ years, I’ve been trying to get back to my pre-thyroid 115 pounds and it just isn’t happening.  

One day while I was in Barnes and Nobles Bookstore, I ran across a book by Geneen Roth called “When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair”.  The whole concept of the book is stop beating up on yourself, stop dieting, etc.  According to the book, we have to be able to accept ourselves the way we are and take good care of our bodies.  The simple act of taking good care of our bodies will allow us to lose weight.  Hmm – whole new concept for me.  

She advocates getting rid of everything we can no longer wear, so we don’t have the constant reminders.  Kind of like “declutter”/”destress”.  I’ve read this book 3 times and the first time, I thought , “yeah, right, this is gonna work for whom??”.  The second time, it started making a bit more sense.  They say “third time’s a charm” cuz I read it the third time and I’m going to try her advice.  

I started small by cleaning out the closet in my bathroom – got rid of everything I didn’t use, from old sheets to worn, frayed towels, some old meds, bandages that were yellowed from age and no one would WANT to use them if they needed a bandage, etc.  

Today, I started out cleaning my bedroom – yep, I CLEANED.  Got all the dust bunnies off the walls and everything.  Wiped down the whole room from ceiling to floor.  Then I cleaned out my dresser and threw away everything I can’t/don’t wear (yep, even the body shapers – they are uncomfortable anyway).  After I got that done, I moved on the bathroom again and scrubbed it from ceiling to floor and threw out a bunch more stuff.  BTW – still have more stuff to get rid of.  
Then I had hubby measure my closet for new shelving.  He will bring home some shelving later this week.  In the meantime, I will start going through my closet.  I have a few things that my daughter and her “almost step-daughter” might be able to wear, but my daughter has lupus and the prednisone made her gain SO much weight, I’m not sure how much of it she will be able to use.  

Today, I packed up 2 bags of stuff from my dresser – one bag for my daughter and one bag Good Will in hopes that someone else will be able to get some use out of them.  A lot of them were like brand new because I kept gaining so fast, I outgrew them almost before I got to wear them.  

It’s really hard to open the closet door and just KNOW that by this time next week, almost all of my clothes will be gone.  BUT, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it won’t be nearly so hard to have them gone as it is to have them there, seeing them everyday and knowing that I might never be able to wear any of them again.  

Just before I had the first surgery on my vocal cords, I had bought some new jeans – size 8 because I had outgrown the size 6’s.  Wasn’t too long before I needed 10 and now 12.  Well, those jeans (the 6’s and 8’s) are still hanging there and still depressing me every time I open that closet…….  Yep, by this time next week, there won’t be anything in that closet that doesn’t fit me.  

Anyway, this doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget about eating right and exercising.  My job won’t allow me to stop exercising even if I wanted to, which I don’t.  And I’ve learned to enjoy the fruits and veggies – even to the point of trying to find different stuff that I’ve never eaten and trying it.  For dinner this evening, I had a summer squash that my neighbor brought over last night from his garden.  I have many more in my own garden that are just about ready to eat.  

I’m going to continue to do the things that I know are good for my body, but I’ve decided that in order to be good to my body, I have to stop beating myself up all the time.  I never had a problem losing weight before my thyroid “wigged” out so I’ve never been through anything like this before.

It’s like a roller coaster and I really want off, but it won’t stop long enough to let me get off.  That isn’t MY fault and I have to stop blaming myself.  I also have to get rid of the things that are causing me so much stress (yep, hubby can go too if he doesn’t play nice in MY sandbox……

Well, I think I’ve pretty well laid out my plan, with permission to alter/optimize it at any time.  That’s what I’m going to allow myself the right to do.  I try to be nice to everyone else – now it’s my turn to be nice to ME.  

I feel better having made this decision and hope that I can just allow myself to relax and BE myself.  

Rough Night

Mar 08, 2009 - 1 comments

Don't have the foggiest idea about what's going on, but I had the racing heart for a while again last night right after I went to bed.  Fortunately, it didn't last too long and I was able to get to sleep; only to awaken an hour later with a horrible urgency to get to the bathroom.  

Well, to make a long story short and not get into the "information overload" mode - I ended up spending a good share of the night on the toilet with diarrhea, until there was absolutely nothing left in my stomach except for the bits of water I was drinking on each trip to the bathroom.  

This morning, thinking that I should really have lost some weight over that - I stepped on the scale just to check and believe it or not, I had gone from 141 to 144.6!!!  How in the world can you drain your body like that and still gain weight??  And I even ate well yesterday (meaning I ate like I was supposed to!!).  

Well, I have no idea what's going on.  The racing heart has slowed down, the stomach has settled (there's nothing left in it) and I don't really feel bad today, just tired because I certainly didn't enough sleep.  Have tons of stuff to get done today and of course, the dreaded (for me) daylight saving time - ugh!!  

The good thing is that on Tues, I will be seeing my endo and maybe he can shed some light what's happening.  The following week on Monday, I see my pcp again (this is the appt that takes the place of the one I canceled a couple weeks ago).  Of course, I don't expect any help to be forth coming from him, but maybe I'll have a chance to get in 2 cents worth before he tells me "there is nothing wrong with you"!!  I expect this to be the last visit to him and the only reason I'm going now is because he had ordered some blood work and I can't get the results unless I go see him!!  I have a line on another pcp, that I've heard some pretty good reviews about, so might give him a try for my annual physical.  

Hoping my day goes better than my night!!!