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Dec 09, 2008 - 0 comments







Self help



What can I say?
Through all of this anxiety, GAD OCD, that Ive recently developed, I've always tried to look at it as a way God was sending me a message.
And through it all, I have become more compassionate, loving, understanding, giving, and willing.
I've also been self teaching myself on many different issues, and I have noticed that we as humans "especially us with mental disorders" hate to have a crutch, EX: medicine
I have heard and read lots of bad, and good on both antidepressants and Benzodiazepines.
Ive read LOTS OF HORROR stories of withdraws from the both, and have come to the conclusion, that in this case Benzos, Withdraws are the worst for people who didnt inform themselfs when there DOC prescribed them to them.
and took them as prescribed, now in general I wouldnt suggest going past the DOC, but Ive noticed there is alot of moronic Doctors out there that have NO CLUE on mild tranquilizers. The only thing they know is that its a narcotic, and its addicting......
My Doc prescribed me klonopin "as needed" and that shows how stupid she is on the subject because Klonopin is not a "as needed" benzo like Xanax, it is a preventative from anxiety, and the physical symptoms.
I had to tell my Doctor about the what I have learned through my years of studying Psychology "before my anxiety"
and the effective use of certain meds, and I think that pissed her off...mainly because I was right, she responded to me as " I think your getting worse" I simply told her, no I am not, I educate myself on everything, knowledge is power.
I had to also point out and make her do a blood test, etc.. for Lyme disease, anemic and all the rest, even severe Candidias overgrowth. Which she had no clue on.
I told her to do a blood culture, and a blood count, to rule out possible problems, just in case, what does she care, im paying for it...right?
She simply asked me If I thought I had Yeast infection "Overgrowth of candidias = yeast infection"
then she mocked me and said it was highly unlikely that men get it...THATS **** I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MEN CAN GET IT AND DO ALOT OF TIMES WHEN THERE PARTNER HAS IT!
this was about a month and a half ago, about 2 weeks ago I had to go to the walk in clinic for antibiotics a bad tooth, and the DR there had some spare time, so we stopped and chatted.
He asked me how everything was going with my anxiety, and asked if the Klonnies was helping, I told him yes, but I wanted to start to taper myself off them "my minds not addicted, but my body is" and he loved my taper method and prescribed me some at a lower dose.
I also told him about what my other Dr said and he called her a absolute fool, and said she knew nothing "I agreed, lol"
I asked him if he could also prescribe me flagel on top of the Penicillin, because of the theory of Candidias, and he had no problem, and figured it was worth a try, because he had also heard about that subject.
Flagel kills bacteria that lives in non, or low o2 part of the body, candidias is one of them.
surprisingly Ive been feeling better, I dont know if it was the Placebo effect, or the theory.
I do know its not all the Candidias, but some of my own problems, but I do believe that it was heightened by Candidias.
Now talking to friends, Im getting so sick of hearing about how Doctors wont prescribe them the medicine they need, "benzos" well let me tell you, when a person gos through SHOCK, ANXIETY, AND EVERYTHING THAT COME WITH IT, they need a break first, before they can start to handle it.
Im so sick of hearing how people are against benzos because there addictive, all the bad effects on the body, and that "were just masking a problem" these people are the ones that has never had REAL ANXIETY AND SHOCK!
I hear it from others that are going through withdraws now.
and Ive come to the conclusion that most of these people are people that either didnt need it as badly, or abused the things "some people taking 4mg klonopin on top of 2-3 mgs xanax" come on give me a break.
There is a therapeutic way of using the things, and a form of SELF CONTROL with them.
and the whole story of "trying to escape the original problem" NO TRYING TO ESCAPE THE SYMPTOMS, AND TACKLE THE ORIGINAL PROBLEM!!!!!
Its hard to concentrate or even come up with what the problem is, when you feel like your going insane, derealization/ depersonalization,   dizzy, loosing it, tingly, becoming a hypochondriac, tired, fatigued and all the rest.
Granted antidepressants do work, but have side effects in the beginning that need to be addressed with a benzo.
and if we that need them for a few months to get us back on track need them, THEN TAKE THEM, and dont abuse them.
others are against them, I on the other hand am a strong advocate for them whether you need them for a few months..or you need them for life.
My theory is, take it if it helps, forget at first about the anxiety "for a break" then start to tackle it.
when you feel you have got a grip on what the matter is, or whatever the condition is, TAPER OFF, Ive talked to alot of people who tapered correctly and say they didnt go through HARDLY AND WITHDRAWS
So before all this happened..I hated drugs, narcotics, and all the pill pushing DRs, Considered people reliant on them to be weak, forgot about the needy, and cared about me and mine.
Now, I stand up for those who need a medicine, love the Drs who understand, Give as much as I can to the needy, and now care for we as humans as a whole, and not just me and mine.
So Thank you God, I understand now why this has happened, and I know it will pass completely when you feel it is time, I accept your decision, and put all my trust in your wisdom  

First day in a long time

Dec 02, 2008 - 1 comments

I woke up this morning, being the first morning in about 2 months where I feel almost normal again.
I had to go to the walk in DOCs yesterday for some antibiotics for my teeth, and the Doctor was great! He didnt look at me like a drug seeker or anything, and that made me feel really good.
He liked my idea of how I was taking my klonopin, and he was amazed that Ive kept it at such a low dosage, He also like it that I didnt wanna be on them for too much longer and how I wanted to taper them down in about a week or so, and he prescribed me .5's to cut down in quarters without me even asking.
I think hes had anxiety before and probably takes meds for it, because  only a person thats been there before wouldve only understood it as well as he did.
Out of all of this I can safely say that He has been the first understanding Doc.
I also think he really like the idea when he asked me if I wanted Vicoden or whatever, and I said no, because I dont like drugs. That couldve done it.
Last night was the 2nd night in a row where I was able to sleep for 7 hours strait... THATS A HUGE THING:)

Why dont "NORMS" get it

Nov 30, 2008 - 6 comments

Im so sick of the "normal" people not getting the issue with anxiety, they always say, "Just dont think about it" hahah what a joke.
Today, my uncle asked my wife if I was on drugs, because It seems like Ive become lazy, and different.
I told my wife to tell him HELL YEAH HES ON DRUGS, MIND ALTERING!
I wonder if he had ever though that maybe from going through extreme ANXIETY AND FEELING LIKE I WAS SHOCKED for over 2 months non stop THE LACK OF SLEEP, and not to mention the lack of being normal AND new medications that the DOC put me on could be causing a slight difference in me.
Or maybe he could think that  "Hey, Jakes finally getting alittle better, and can actually relax, maybe he just needs a day or 2 every now and then to just CHILL, and collect thought...or just to do nothing BECAUSE GOD KNOWS MY MIND AND BODY HAS BEEN IN OVERDRIVE UP UNTIL LATELY.

And I love it when normal people say "I know what your going through, Ive had anxiety too" hahahHAHAHA
Ive had NORMAL ANXIETY also, theres a BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAL ANXIETY, AND HAING A FEW RESTLESS NIGHTS OF SLEEP, AND GAD WITH OCD MIXED WITH LACK OF SLEEP!, not to mention when this all started to happen, I was missing sleep every other night!

The path to getting back to normal isnt a "Overnight" process.