All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

TRYING TO GO ON WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST

Mar 04, 2009 - 16 comments
Tags:

hearts



How do you go on when all seems so lost. my ex put me in a mental hospital to break up with me cuz he didnt know how to do it any other way. He even saw here while i was in the hospital trying to pass a kidney stone on feb13 and then had the ******* balls to ask me if i minded if he went to the bar to practice pool on valentines day while i was still in the hospital.
Then when i got home on sunday he told me that i had to find a new place to live and i was so confused til he had me admitted into a psych ward then when they finally say i can get out he throws a hissy fit. I later found out that he lied to me and never had any intentions of ever letting me go back to his house he had packed my stuff the day i went in.
Then on friday i got released and he had to tell me the truth finally and that hurt so bad almost like it was just an every day thing now i am back at my parents where all the bull **** began and have no idea how to go on.
He tells me all the time that he wants to stay friends but each time i see him it breaks my heart that much more.
I have to go to the house because my niece or god daughter and brother still live there and he seems to get out of work before i xcan get out of the apartment.
My heart is breaking so much already he had someone lined up just waiting for me to go there and now my heart hurts so much i think i am going to die of a broken heart.Everytime i see him i just hurt so much more but i love my niece and refuse to let anyone come between me and my family
im sorry if i sound like a whine *** but this is the only place i know that i can express how i feel it seems so complicated and my heart feels so torn i just want to cry every minute of the day
THANX FOR LISTENING
Stephanie


JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT I WROTE

Feb 12, 2009 - 24 comments
Tags:

pills

,

hearts

,

feeling

,

child



A CHILDS FEELINGS PUSHED DEEP DOWN INSIDE
SO MANY THINGS THAT I CHOOSE TO HIDE
I KNOW THAT I CANT KEEP RUNNING AWAY
I KNOW THAT I WILL HAVE TO FACE THESE DEMONS SOMEDAY

I HAVE TRIED TO BREAK AWAY SO MANY TIMES BEFORE
BUT I SEEM TO ALWAYS RUN INTO ANOTHER CLOSED DOOR
SO MANY PEOPLE CHOSE NOT TO LOOK AND SEE
WHAT I WAS FEELING DEEP INSIDE OF ME

NO ONE EVER SHOWED ME THE RIGHT WAY TO COPE
SO IN THE END I TURNED TO THE DOPE
AND NOW MY HEART IS TORN COMPLETELY APART
SO NOW I LIVE WITH THIS BROKEN HEART

STEPHANE

HERES ANOTHER ONE


SOME PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO DIE
IN A COFFIN THEY WISH TO LYE
SAILING UP TO HEAVEN BY AND BYE
THINKING NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO CRY

FASTER AND FASTER THEY FALL ASLEEP
STILL THINKING NO ONE WILL CARE TO WEEP
THEY BEGIN TO THING ABOUT GOOD MEMORIES THERE TO KEEP
AND SOON THEIR HEARTS BEGIN TO LEAP

SO BEFORE YOU GRAP FOR THAT LAST PILL
JUST REMEMBER IT IS SURE TO KILL
AND SOONER OR LATER UP THAT HILL
EVERYTHING WILL LYE STILL

STEPHANIE


Just want to share this with every one

Feb 01, 2009 - 10 comments
Tags:

child

,

children

,

syndrome

,

movies

,

years

,

want

,

share



i just posted this as a comment to april2nd post in the social forum but think its such a good story that i want to share it with every one....

juRead to the end.  It is a true story.

KURTIS THE STOCK BOY AND BRENDA THE CHECKOUT GIRL

In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice
came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4.  Kurtis was
almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the
call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye, the
new check-out girl was beautiful.  She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was
only 22) and he fell in love.

Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find
out her name. She came into the break room, smiled  softly at him, took her card
and punched out, then left.  He looked at her card, BRENDA.  He walked out only
to see her start walking up the road.  Next day, he waited outside as she left
the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she
accepted.  When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again,
outside of work.  She simply said it wasn't possible.

He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a
baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter.  Reluctantly she accepted
his offer for a date for the following Saturday.  That Saturday night he arrived
at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The
baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well,
let's take the kids with us."

She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not
taking no for an answer, he pressed.  Finally Brenda, brought him inside to meet
her children.  She had an older daughter who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis
thought, then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair.  He was born a
paraplegic with Down Syndrome.

Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't
come with us?"  Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman
with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first husband
and father of her children had done.  Kurtis was not ordinary - - - he had a
different mindset.

That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the
movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him.  When he
needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him and
brought him back.  The kids loved Kurtis.  At the end of the evening, Brenda
knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life
with.

A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children.  
Since then they have added two more kids.

So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out girl?  Well,
Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona .  If you tune in on 1 February ,

you can watch him quarterback the Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl against the

Pittsburg Steelers!  Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was

not an ordinary person?  Some athletes are also great people.

It should be noted that he also quarterbacked the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI.

He has also been the NLF's Most Valuable Player twice and the Super Bowl's MVP.

On Sunday, 1 Feb I'll be rooting for Kurt and the Cards.  

    
my mom sent this to me in an email the other day
just remember who ever you want to win tonights super bowl.... this is still a wonderful inspiring story all in it self.....

just wanna give up

Jan 05, 2009 - 23 comments
Tags:

help

,

meds

,

give up

,

pharmacy



im having a bad day i just got a new job and my body isnt used to all the physical activity so im in a lot of pain and my doc is absolutely no help but then hes a quack anyway i have a better word for him but its not appropriate (sorry bout the spelling im not that good and i have no idea how to use my spell check on this site) for me to say here. my doctor never wants to help me and expects way to much from me he is actually expecting me to work all day without meds cause he refuses to fill my pain meds till the day they run out exactly and that leaves me with only one pill that day til i can get out of work and get to the pharmacy that means i have to go 10 hours without my pain meds i just dont know what im gonna do and i cant be late or call out cuz i just got the job and wed is only going to be my 4th day. i feel so lost and helpless