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So so so scared!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 18, 2009 - 3 comments




Today im writing to tell you of my experience yesturday, i had a cat scan yesturday morning but even before that i felt wierd. last night i was sitting there and all of a sudden i got a tingling sensation run through the top of my head, then it went right through to my fingertips. my heart was going ten to the dozen and i was so scared. i had to walk out of my front room and go upstairs, i know this was a dangerous thing to do but my kids were downstairs and i didnt want to scare them as well. i got to my bedroom and called for my boyfriend as he was in the bath, then it came, i couldnt see. i had to sit down and as my boyfriend was answering my cry for help i couldnt speak back. i lay down on the bed and my face was grey, my body cold and i couldnt breathe normally, it was very slow and i could hear my boyfriend but my eyes were rolling in the back of my head. then slowly i started to come out of it and as i did, i cried uncontrolably because i was so scared. everybody would think i should go to the doctor but its the last place i want to go to be honest, they just want to get me out really, well thats how they make me feel. anyway im going to the docs tomoz and then i will biter my tongue and tell them of my attack i had! i bet they will say its nothing or its alittle anxiety but i know its something else, i just dont know wot. why do i know, i know because ive had anxiety attacks.

What is wrong with me???????????????

Feb 13, 2009 - 1 comments


Today i didnt want to get out of bed, full of flu and in pain and was very disorientated yesturday so today i feel drained. Times are hard as well, the only reason i got up was to sort my girls out and the fact i have an appoinment at 11.20am today. its really starting to get me down, always very tired, always in pain and never know why im in pain or tired. What to do, i feel im screaming inside and nobody can hear me, my heart is sinking and full of rage all at the same time. So  i guess at present, whatever is wrong wiv me is dragging me into the depths of a deep dark hole with no light at the end of  my tunnel. Today is a very sad day but im sure when my girls get home, i will climb my deep dark hole and be the mother im meant to be x

Todays a good day!

Feb 10, 2009 - 0 comments


today im not in to much pain, although i have flu im so down. people on here have supported me and i know theres only one way to go and thats up. my mother has parking desease and alzimers so its hard, well almost impossible to reveal my true feelings and she lives over 200 miles away which also doesnt help. but i love her dearly and a happy phonecall does us both good, if you can understand that. i think i feel down as well because i have a daughter who is 5, she has brain damage and has only recently started physio for her left side. she can walk and talk and is actualy very inteligent but she does fall alot and the accidents she has is very serious. so when i say i feel down, its not just about me, its about those i love and hold in my heart. my heart does break sometimes but a smile from my little girl, a hug from my eldest girl or a happy phonecall to my mum makes me feel so much better x


Feb 09, 2009 - 0 comments

So down


Whos going to hear my crys?

Today i went to the doctor, i had to get another sick note to stay on benefits, she was quite abrupt with me, she said that i could only have sick notes for three months, that really upset me. its like having a time limit on your illness, i wished when i was sitting infront of Dr Theigh that she could feel for 1 day how i feel every day at the moment. I understand that i should be working but its hard when you have pain all the time and your either extremely constipated or you have severe diareher. What happens at the end of this month and they still dont know whats going on, i feel like no1 is listening to me and it makes me just want to live with the pain and somehow muddle through.