Ugh, I have cramps. I haven't pooped the whole week. I'm out of Benefiber and Miralax. I don't understand why they can't prescribe refills. Same thing with Adderall. It's such a pain.
So today is Mother's Day. I'm obviously on my computer which means I'm not celebrating it with R. Why? I had been planning on going but my stum hurts like crazy. Same with this stupid ganglion cyst. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. It hurts a lot and I think I'm going to need surgery. This is bad news. It may help, but it may come back. The seriously bad news is that of finances. R wouldn't take me to the hospital even if I was on the verge of death. I'm not exaggerating. R and D never believe me - even though I'm always right (I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" (I hate that saying)).
For example, my last car was a 2001 Jeep Liberty. It was driving horribly. I was having a hard time steering and I thought it was the tires, then I thought it was the engine. D said I was just complaining and you know what I said? I told him that if something really bad happens to me or I die, I hope he feels like sh!t for not believing me. What happened next was a recall because of the faulty steering AND the engine AND the brakes. A-hole.
Since there are zero sidewalks and no public transport in Winston-Salem, you HAVE to have a ride. When I was living down there, gas was extremely high. Since I had constant doctor appointments and Bok-Hee didn't have a car, I was constantly driving. I had to fill my tank about twice a week for $100 or more.
So I suggested to R and D to think about a more gas efficient car. They said maybe over the phone, but when I came home to visit, they said no. I told them I didn't WANT a new car, I just wanted them to THINK about it. Also, when I came home, after being lectured and downsized, what do I see in the drive way? D's super new fancy car. A-holeS.
So I'm feeling bad today. I haven't been motivated to do anything since I've been so depressed. Kristen and I talked about the ramifications of missing appointments. As of now, if I miss more than three, our contract is null and void. The problem with this is that she spoke to her supervisor and was able to cut me a deal on my copay since my health insurance doesn't cover mental health. Instead of $110, she asked for $60. She didn't have to do that for me, nor does she have to call me every morning when I have an appointment to remind me.
She's very nice and I don't want to see someone else. It's not that I'm not taking this seriously. The last time I couldn't go was because I didn't wake up. I dropped my phone in my pee (my jeans that doesn't hold ANYTHING). It worked for a bit and then it completely shut down. So my alarm didn't go off and then I had to call her after I woke up and schedule another appointment, also telling her my phone was dead.
For the next appointment, I have a loud analog clock (the kind with two bells with a swing). But for SOME reason it didn't go off. But as soon as I woke up (thank god) I tried to fiddle with it to find out why it wasn't working. Then I said eff it. When I came home, it was working. WHY DOES THIS STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? I don't have BAD luck. I have ZERO luck.
I have so much stuff I need to do. I don't want to do it, though because I'm lacking motivation because I'm so down. Bleh.