Apr 15, 2010
So, lets see where I even want to start off on this one. I'm working on my independence and learning how to be happy without someone to lean on. I'm focusing on my friendships and myself right now. It's been about 3 weeks since my boyfriend and I broke up, and honestly at this point its weird to even think that we were together. I've already forgotten our relationship and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I think about him sometimes and I wonder what he's up to, but everyday it becomes a little bit easier to not think about him or want to text him or something. We hung out once since the breakup and it was cool, we just hung out at his house and listened to music, talked, watched a movie and hung out with his neighbors a little bit. It was a tad strange being over there as just his friend, but at the same time it seemed pretty natural. We always got along as friends anyway, but the intimacy was lacking so I think its good that we remain friends for sometime before anything sparks again, if it ever does.
I want to feel better about myself and I'm working on that so I can feel comfortable in my own skin and if I'm ever in a situation again where I'm exposing my body to someone else in a monogamous relationship. I think that was part of the problem in my last relationship. I was always apprehensive before taking my clothes off because I felt as though I might look gross and he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. I just want to be comfortable taking my clothes off in front of someone who I'm going to be intimate with. Therefore, I'm getting a gym membership to tone up so next time I'm in a situation like that I can confidently take my clothes off and be intimate with someone of the opposite sex. I want to feel good and feel pretty.
Sometimes I wish he would text me just to make myself feel better that he's thinking about me or a part of him still wants me, but from the looks of how we ended things I don't really think he's into me :/. I guess I'll just have to see what the future holds.