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Mar 21, 2014 - 4 comments

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, what a rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' our tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start

To everyone i miss in my life, i dont know if ill get yall back....all the hard times and bad spots i put you im from my addiction!!! Only time will tell but i am sorry !!!

Skip forward (i suppose)  

Mar 18, 2014 - 4 comments

sick of waking up everyday
wishing and hoping somtimes pray
knowing i was  raised innna much better way
skip forward hit play
Life lost at a cost numbers dont lie
yet somhow i fly like MJ in dem nikes 23 flavors of flav
crept up from creeping 2 others dismay
want it need it dieased so i feed it
greeds got me crumbling now its a crack
started changing scenes n utilmintely my dreams
easy breezy 2 da creme da la creme
f-ing ppl over without knowing or thats how it seems
skip forward to the light im fighting the fight
its powerful and its demanding all day n all night
hurting  and flirting with danger always in sight
skip forward i know how i wana do it only time will tell if i blew it


old friends

Mar 17, 2014 - 3 comments

i got many calls and emails today ....some from ppl i shouldnt be talking to  others i should......its sad that the ppl i shouldnt be talking to i find myself conversing with in the hope i can sway there minds and show them the light and that light isnt death  its the eye opening adventure called soberiety but the best call i got today is a old druggie friend that was addicted to methadone when we met i was addicted to Oxys.....soon thereafter we both found heroin well i found out after he did but i dont blame him for that!!  I always grew up on pot and drinking but thought of myself as pretty normal and told ME that ME would never do heroin and always laughed that how could ppl do something so crazy sounding in the first place!!

Well after my druggie friend (im a druggie 2 so dont thing im pointing fingers) introduced me to it i was hooked we remained friends for quite a time after and he b4 me tryed gettin clean he has been 2 mulitple treatments  and in some way shape or from weve gotten outta touch....during the years it was me that got clean for under a month or it was he that got clean for a short amount of time and we really didnt speak during our clean times beacuse we both knew that he or I would be eachothers demise ......well today is my bday (not a big deal) but he tried gettin at me for that reason my old phone is not active for reasons we all know and he got in touch with this chick i was involved with and said how do i get ahold of Jake so she gave him my info after she asked of course......Low an behold hes been clean for almost 6 months!!!!  

Talking to him today made me so happy 1 cause my buddy is clean but 2ndly because of the stories he told me that got him clean....after his 5th stint in rehab he found himself in a detroit treatment center that he said he thought his detox was hell but soon found out that ppl there were sh+tting themselves during the night and didnt even care or were so sick they didnt even get up 2 clean themselves and after 8 days he removed himself from there but everyone he callled to come pick him up, hung up on him and/or  said we dont want u here .....he walked the streets for a cpl hrs and ended up walkin back to the treamtemt center and said i wana go 30 more days....he ended up staying 38 days b4 the treatment center drove him home and after he got back he realized that even if he had a million doses he was guna need a million and 1 to get him thru  and since then hes been clean and sober for 6 days under 6 months!

Hearing this just about made me shed a tear and when he heard from my "using" friend that i moved he himself knew that the only reason jake (thats me) woulda moved would be for good reasons and we had the best convo today.....granted we  were reminiscing about the days of using but we didnt glamourise it we mearly stated where we came from and how lucky we were to be alive.

This has prompted profound feelings of exictement and exuberation in ways i cannot describe.....the weird part is my still druggie "friend" has connected me with my old druggie friend which is now sober  longer than i am......i pray that all my old so called friends can do the same but im grateful that my friend tried gettin ahold of me 2 say happy bday not knowing i left the area or knowing i was sober at all but thru this usuallly normal day (even if its my bday) we have reconnected and for the first time in our truly benign friendship were both sober   .....AMEN!!!!

found this was from 1-8-14 i got clean on 1-25-14 wow dont eveen remember writing this lmao

Mar 16, 2014 - 7 comments

Gettin clean its been my dream 8 yrs now livin life life as a Fein
won't c me without her we're now  onna team
losing or lost all my friends still gaw all dem foes doe
staggering thru steam  walkin wit a Detroit lean  hangin on by a sliver or so it may seem
the time has come yet  imma continue to go hard
even though I know i should ween
if idda knew what I know now I'd known Id b all alone
no one around comparable 2 a dog without its bone
reap wha u sew but look wha I've sewn
time to own up 2 my demise at the end there lays a prize
ive dug myself a rut only way up is 2 rise
run as I climb up stairs like sly stone it's rocky mountain steep boy
pick ur fights n comb over a new leaf
raked  up racks on racks skyscraper high  
burnt down 2 rubble i feel as im imma die
my office is no longer in the sky  
feelin froggy so it's time 2 leap into action n finish da  feat
I'm tried n tested FDA approved
shoulda meet the mortishen somehow I'm still thru n thru
fully awake alive n kickin  so its time 2 grove
dem legs just wana move like gumby wit no shoes
riddled wit RLS sleepless in Seattle
sneezing  like da guniness book world bestest
shattin like William shivering as I shake with cold shivers for gods sake
feels as if I joined polar bear club n jumped inna lake
not sure how much more I can take n to think its only day 2 I should b gettin better afta day 8
date with da devil for goodness sake
listen 2 the sang its never 2 late
opiates r a b+tch but that b+tch ain't sealin my fate !!!