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Apr 05, 2010 - 3 comments

lets try this again!

i have this cyst on the cleft of my buttcheeks..its a pilonidal cyst.. i got it back in november for the first time....then again in janurary and now its april and its coming back... so in the past 5 months i have has 3 flare ups.....not good numbers... usually it will get swollen , but to the point that i cant sit down, cant bend over, and can barely sit on toliet to pee....eventually it will get so big that it will pop... i included pics of the last times i got it...not this bad yet but getting there.....

i have been to a general surgeron and he said "well it could come back, or it could never come back..i dont know"..."u could do the surgery but there is still a small chance it could come back"....ugggggggggg

and this surgery is not the prettiest....they tape your butt cheeks open...slice you ALL the way to the tailbone and clean it all out..then they LEAVE A HOLE at the end of your tailbone to drain.....the dr said healing time is about 2-4 months that they hole will be there.....i mean you can see the layers of skin the hole is that serious!....

im about to finish school in 4 weeks and should be switching jobs, and sitting on a dental stool all day.... so if im going to do it it needs to be now, while i have insurance and a job that will let me take the time off to get the surgery.... but without the word that it wont come back .....and the general anesthesia .....its just scary

what should i do???

p.s....i had a pic of my purple tailbone and MH deleted it.... they said cause of the photo... i posted in a private group and they deleted it... im just shocked....from what i understand this is a medical website for answer to symptoms and other people with the same problem.... but how come im getting in trouble for askin.....this pic is just showing my tailbone and all the swelling.. nothing else... not even close to my anus.....but if you go to the STD community they have ALOT of pics of penis with desease and other things going on ...

whats WRONG with this scale????

Mar 25, 2010 - 19 comments


i weighed in on monday and i was 175..... i been eating good....i been working my butt off so hard that i can barely walk due to all the pain from the 100 lunges i did yesterday and then walked a clothes seem to be a little loose then they were from last week, even wore a shirt that was too tight a few weeks ago, but fits now,,,,

but i get on scale this morning and it said 183!!!!!.... WTF!!!! #$()&#($&W#($&*@#()$*!..... what am i doing this for??...this is a joke right????? gimme the right scale back please.....not funny....

seriously what the point of even trying...i try and try and try and freakin GAIN weight????? and i quit smoking today......would have probably had 3 or 4 by now....... but not today.....i am going to quit!!

think im going to do a slim fast type of diet....shakes for breakfast...i need to drink more water.....but wtf is going to take the weight off?????.......jeeez im gunna starve myself soon!!!!!

my dad is a drug addict??

Mar 18, 2010 - 9 comments

today has been the WORST morning ever!!!......

my stepdad( who been my dad for 18 years) had knee surgery about a year ago....he has been prescribed vicodin (sp?)....i  noticed he had started taking more then normal and was just "out" of it most of the days.

this morning he left for work...he left something in the house and my mom ran outside to give it to him... he was in his truck SNIFFING the pills.....WTF???

i was in my room getting ready for work and my mom came in SCREAMING at him... told him he WAS NOT going to work THAT HE WAS GOING TO REHAB OR GETTING THE HELL OUT!.......she told him to give her the pills and he said "he cant".....she told him again if you go to work get your crap cause he cant come back and he sid "well maybe i should just move out!!!!!"....she also mentioned something about him cheating on her, that he denied and ir eally dont have a clue even tho i had suspected something as well but im not his wife and didnt really have anything to go on besides him ALWAYS WORKING....and about 5 years ago...we went out to a bar and had some drinks and he got drunk and was crying to me at the bar saying how he and my mom havent had sex in 3 years and he wanted to have sex...and i just told him i didnt wanna hear that wasnt my business

WTF?!?!?!?!...... am i really standing here watching my family fall apart????

i was so upset i left the house this morning with my purse (my bf usually picks me up we share my car) and just walked for about a mile.....i just went....i had to.... finally my boyfriend found me and now im at work... my mom was all upset when i left and he called me and said he was going to be off of that crap in 2 weeks.... do i believe him??...drug addicts can hide things better then anyone.....

this is just insane......if he goes.... then my mom gunan be in trouble with the bills... that means i wont be moving out cause my mom cant just get an apartment cause she has 10 damn ??.....

someone help.....please lord....

my valentines day dinner

Feb 15, 2010 - 9 comments

some of you know i was asking about ideas for me and the hubby.... yea well last week i BUSTED my btt to get things perfect making a cake and decorating it WITHOUT him knowing is just a job in itself!..we dont do suprises in our relationsip but i said wth its v day and i can NEVER keep my mouth closd long enough. but i pulled that off...made a beautiful cake (pics soon to come) it to someone else's house for storage....i made reservations for a very expensive restraunt that is supposed to be awesome. its like a laua with the hula dancers and tiki men every where. I called and spoke to MANY people about bringing this cake, and how it was a TOTAL suprise for him and they assured me all would go well....i had one of my friends drop the cake off at 3 pm, our reservtions were at 8:30 friday night....i was sooooo nervous!

so we get dressed and im looking extra cute ( i had to add that ! and head out for dinner....we get there and its PACKED!!...i mean they had the table Sooooo close to each other we were rubbing elbows with wit couple next to talking CRAMPED!!!!...and im already nervous about edward gettin the cake and now everyone around us were going to be involved cause we were soo close...

so the hostess walks us over to the table, we sit, she gives us the drink menu and says "you wanted to bring a ake right?"...ARE YOU SERIOUS??????...edward looked at me having NO idea what she is talking about, my mouth DROPS to the floor and i say "it WAS A SUPRISE!!!".....she says "oh...well did you bring the cake??".......i told her that the cake had been dropped off hours prior to us gettin there, and that se etter find it within the ext 5 mins or im going to cause a scene.....she left te table and i was in such shock i just started crying!!!...

omg!!... i worked sooooo hard to pull this off and this dumb little girl ruined it!!!..... oh so im sitting there in tears an edward is trying to make me feel better she COMES back and says. "is it a birthday?"......i almost came across the table on her......i woulda hurt her,seriously......i finally found a manager and said that this was UNEXCEPTABLE and that he better find my cake, and he was going to pay for our $30 drinks and we would NOT be coming back, no matter how good people said it was!

it was horrible!!