All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Brian's Biopsy

Apr 10, 2016 - 9 comments

First let me say I'm SO thankful we go what we needed from this biopsy.  I was completely shocked.  I always expect the worst because honestly, that's about all we've ever gotten. :(   They said we definitely have plenty for 1 round of IVF and depending on how many eggs they get from me and how many fertilize we may get 3 rounds out of his biopsy.  WOOHOO!!!

Ok now the hard part.  My poor husband has been through SO much pain.  They had him in recovery about an hour and a half and I finally asked how he was doing.  A nurse rang the phone up front to talk to me.  They said he was in a lot of pain and was trying to get it under control.  About 15 min later I was able to go back and see him.  They had already given him a pain shot but it wasn't working so they were trying to get some crackers and sprite in him so he could take pain meds. So got he meds in him and it was barely taking the edge off so we could come home.  A 2 hours drive mind you.   He said it felt like someone kicked him in the testicles and had god awful constant pain up in his lower stomach and down into the inside of his thigh.  Thankfully they only had to biopsy his right testicle.  So anyways, we get home and he's hurting but ok.  He was walking some (looked like a penguin poor thing) and the next day he was still trying to walk but hurting more and by the 3rd day his "fella's" were the size of an orange and he couldn't walk.  We were icing, he was taking pains meds and his antibiotics.  On day 4 it was still swollen but thankfully it hadn't gotten bigger.  She said that he probably had a hematoma and to make sure he doesn't run a fever over 100 degrees, no infection or oozing or bleeding.  It's been rough but here we are on day 5 after surgery and he's on the couch, the swelling has went down some but better.  He had a shower yesterday yayy lol.  Hoping that it's better and better every day from here on out.  I've emailed the fertility clinic because I was specifics lol.  I want to know about how many they got, I want to know the percentage of morphology and motility.  

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  We are one HUGE step closer to having our miracle!!! :D  

I'm an emotional wreck!!

Mar 30, 2016 - 4 comments

I can't help it.  I just am.  Every time I think about this biopsy coming up I just cry. I cry for some many reasons.  

I cry because I love Brian so much.  I know he chose to do this on his own and I know his reason is for me.  He wants to go through this because I want it.  No doubt we both do but I feel like it's my fault he's going through with it.  I cry because what if he goes through this and it's for nothing?  What if they don't find anything???  Then he'll feel even worse about things.  I worry that he feels this is his fault and it's not like that at all and if they don't find anything he'll feel even worse.  

I cry because this is going to cost us another $3500 at least.  You think "Finally, I have about $15,000 to go through with this.  Then his SA showed zero sperm again and the only thing we can do to "find any" and our last resort is this biopsy.  SO add another $3500 worth of stress and worry.  

I cry because I'm stressed.  I have these 3 pups that were in my brothers garage fire.  The ones I saved.  Thank God they're all okay.  They have scars but they're okay.  Happy, healthy 65lbs lab puppies.  The problem is they're all males and wanting to fight.  They're wanting to claim dominance and it's really stressing me out.  The vet  mentioned having them neutered but they'll all have to be fixed at the same time to prevent fighting when they get home.  I can't afford to fix 3 dogs at once!!!  :Plus the vet said even that might not fix the problem.  Ugh!!!   Most days they're fine..they don't fight but there's 2 out of the 3 that's not best friends either.  The 3rd one isnt' a big deal, he gets along with the others but the other 2 ugh.  I call them crazy.  One day they're all great, the next day it's "I'm going to eat your face off".  ugh!!!  

I cry because I now have 2 babies in my family.  My sweet amazing little nephew is going on 2 months old.  He's starting to coo just a little but it melts my heart and I put his little video on repeat.  Is it wrong that when I'm holding him I don't want to let him go?  I wished he were mine.  He's precious.  Then I have a new baby cousin that's about a week old.  Born to 2 people who drink and party.  The daddy doesn't hold a steady job and he does drugs.  Yes, he's my cousin, but still.  I just can't make sense out of this.  

I cry because I received Aunt Flo about 3 days ago and I'm a hormonal wreck!!!!  

HSG and Brian's Biopsy??

Mar 10, 2016 - 6 comments

I had my HSG done yesterday and everything looked great thankfully. :)  My question though is since we're going to have to do IVF/ICSI(praying they find some lil fellas) then why did I have to have an HSG done?  

So now on to Brians Biopsy.  He'll be having it done on April 5th. :)  They could've done it next week or the week after but I think it shocked him at how soon they could get him in. lol.  I let him make the decision since it's his "boys". lol.  I'm so proud of him. He's taken it upon himself to start vitamin's awhile back and just doing things differently, healthier since knowing he'll have to have this biopsy and we're both hoping and praying they find something to work with.  He'll be out of work from Tuesday until Monday.  I'm honestly not real crazy about the urologists.  That whole office is just weird other than the receptionists.  The receptionists are friendly but when they called to schedule his biopsy she was weird.  The Dr. is quiet and I dunno, I guess my expectations were a little different.  I guess more like the fertility clinic (which I LOVE everyone there). We have to be there at 9:45 am and his biopsy is scheduled for 11:45.  I reckon they'll do preop stuff then?  I know it's not like surgery surgery but does he not get like a little prep kit?  The antibacterial scrub sponge for the night before and so forth?  I'm panicking and it's not even close to time yet.  :S     Thankfully we'll know the results before we leave the hospital. :)  

When I had my first HSG done about 4 years ago the dr. said I had cervical stenosis and sure enough, it's still the same as of yesterday.  Brian and I were talking that even if he had great sperm, they'd have a slim chance getting in there because of the stenosis. :S  Anyone have any idea about a cervical stenosis?  IF and WHEN I get pregnant will I have complications dilating?  

I still feel like crap.  I'm so unbelievably stuffed up it's ridiculous.  I feel a little better but this head pressure and the fluid in my ears needs to go!!!!  I can't smell, can't taste either. :(  Day 8 of this crap today.  Yuck!

Lab results. Help?

Feb 18, 2016 - 14 comments

I have no idea what any of this means.  UGH.

AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) is 1.19ng/ml.  I hope this is a good number. :|

I have pages here of blood work.  Why do they check platelets? And what's all of this serum stuff?  Example:  
Glucose/Serum, Uric Acid Serum, Creatinine Serum and so many others!  My Bun/Creatinine Ratio is high at 23.  Normal says 8-20 but I'm pretty sure that's because of my bladder disease.  I've got cholesterol numbers and Triglycerides, this is overwhelming lol.

I guess it's relieving that even though I have no idea what half of this stuff is, it's at least in the "normal" range. lol.  Well except for the Bun/Creatinine ration.  

Also I have a question.  We did a blood test that tests Brian and myself  to see if we're a carrier for anything and if we could pass it along.  Having these tests done is that anything similar to having genetic testing on the embryo's(when they fertilize the egg?)?