today i am having alot of pain with my fibro, i have been over doing it and really paying the price physically. I feel like if i dont do anything i am worth nothing. I know i know . But thats how i feel sometimes. my whole body pain is 7 right now.
Steven moved out the majority of his stuff yesterday. He has only a few more things here. He had been staying with others until he got his own place. I am a bit ticked that he gets well over 2x what i do money wise (i am disabled) and here i am having to try to figure out how to come up with covering my bills here. This is the first time since i was 19 that i have lived by myself. It is refreshing in a way that the stress that he put me under isnt here . Cleaning up the house as i can, and putting things where i want them, this wasnt allowed prior. I over did it yesterday so i am really paying for it today. I am walking alot better though. Speach not slurred as often. I was nice when he came to get his stuff and gave him part of the kitchen stuff, stuff out of the freezer and cabinet also. This is just the type of person i am though, i am not a mean person. I am angry in the failure of this marriage though. I guess i will go thru the grief process. Loss of a dream. I have no thoughts of ever getting married again. Heck i have never been on a "date" before.. what does that say. Once i am feeling better, have this conversion disorder stuff under control i will most l move to be closer to the kids. I miss my kids and grand babies more than anything i just dont think that it is good for me to go now. I do know that it would upset them to see me using a walker. They may have to deal with that. I will be glad when i hear back from my lawyer on some stuff that would help me financially. I wouldnt have to worry about anything for abit. Somestimes i get sad thru the day. Thinking about how i am by myself, just me and my cat. I dont want steven to keep thinking we are going to be talking on the phone everyday etc. He is going around his friends more, which he would never do when we were together, even though i kept telling him to go hang out. he still hasnt come clean with me on lies that i have proof of. i guess he thinks i still have "stupid" writin on my forhead.
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