All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

DO YOU LOVE CHOCOLATE?

Sep 24, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

chocolate

,

iphone

,

Apple

,

mac

,

recipes



124161?1253833210
DO YOU LOVE CHOCOLATE??? Check out my iPhone App in the iTunes Store Now 'iChocolate'- http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=331562254&mt=8

Or Pictures Here -
http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii150/markdavidgill/iChocolateResipe1.jpg

First Panic Attack!

Aug 04, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

attack

,

Panic Attack

,

Panic

,

today

,

Heart

,

Chest

,

crazy

,

Crying

,

risk

,

Hope



Well, today i had my first panic attack in a very very long time! My GF mother was stressing out about something (she is a very stressed person i think it was about getting home on time to have lunch!! Totally stupid!!) and she was driving in the car like a crazy person, she was shouting and drivers at my GF cos she was annoyed with her over something earlier and swerving in and out of cars, she nearly hit one, and was speeding for again down narrow streets! and i just lost it, i couldn't hold it together it was to much, i could have screamed at her for being such an idiot! i started hyperventilating and when we arrived home alive thank god, i just droke down and started to cry right in front of everyone, i just totally couldn't control my emotions after what just happened, and i hope i made her feel terrible cos she put my life and my GF's as risk with her teenage fit cos she was angry! i thought parents were supposed to be MORE mature than there kids no??? anyway, i ran upstairs and couldn't breath, my GF ran up after me and tried to comfort me till i stopped crying and got my breath back, my heart was jumping out of my chest, i couldn't breath and i was totally uncontrollably crying it was weird, i haven't felt that in a long time, and i was so angry i let myself get into a situation where it could happen again! I went and told her that i will never get in a car with her again! it was a hard day but its over now and im ok again....

was very upsetting and hard on my though, i feel very tired and weak after it all... hope i feel better tomorrow and from now on im taking my bike if that idiot wants me to go somewhere! :( and i was doing so well....

Update...

Jul 27, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

updates

,

update

,

Headaches

,

nervous

,

meds

,

heat

,

pills

,

pill

,

control



Hello everyone, just thought id write a little update, i am doing great, i am doing so well i am thinking of cutting my pills back down to 5mg. Cos my headaches from the heat here and humidity and dizzyness is just to much for me, and i can take a lot!! i have been to a few places recently, been in the car for like 2 hours was ok, been to the beach, a day out at a fair and was fine at all of them! well, i say fine, i was very nervous but you no what, i didn't even let it bother me! i just said NO i am in control of me not panic and just went on about my day! so to be honest the worst thing about my days now are the bad dizzyness and headaches and im hoping dropping my meds back a bit will take the edge off that again like it did when i started! me and my GF like it here so much we got an apartment and are now going to stay here for a few months! she got a great job and is even supporting me in saying i don't need one till i am ready for that again :) which makes me so happy, so i will just relax and get better again and do my thing till i feel i am well enough to get back into the world...

Anyway, hope everyone on here is well! thanks for all the support...! x

Blind Spot FEAR!!!! :(

Jul 18, 2009 - 1 comments

I had this really weird thing happen me yesterday, i was cooking dinner and out of nowhere i got this REALLY TERRIFYING scary vision problem! over both me eyes was this big blurry stop, i looked it up and think there called "floaters" or something? i could not see anything in one part or my eye, like i had to lie down cos i was panicking a bit and my GF was sitting above me to help me calm down and when i looked at her a certain way i could not see her face or head there was just a body sitting next to me, it really freaked me out or when i passed my hand in front of my face it totally disappeared at about 2 o'clock in my field of vision i just could not see anything there!!! and then when i looked at my GF or my hand directly it was there again! i started to freak out a bit and have a panic attack, after about 20min it went away, it moved up my eye till it was gone! it was very weird, it was like looking into a kaleidoscope but just in one part of my eye! like colors but, like, just in one tiny area and not bright only if i looked at them, i hope im ok and it does not come back again....

God why do these things always happen to me! can i not go for more than a month without getting sick or something bad happen :(