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Giving up breastfeeding

Aug 03, 2011 - 10 comments



giving up


bottle feedingfeed






Nipple Shield


Nipple Shieldy





I never realized this before I had to start breastfeeding, but aparently I have something my nurse called 'flat nipples'. Meaning I don't have inverted nipples, but they're so flat that the baby can't latch on properly. I've been using nipple shields from the very beginning and it's been a struggle ever since. Some days are good, some days are bad, some are worse than bad. Lately it's been so frustrating that Luca cries for 15 minutes, tries to drink, can't, get's even more frustrated and cries some more. It's become nearly impossible to enjoy, since it takes 1,5 hours to do one feed sometimes. Therefor I've decided to stop breastfeeding. The frustration is just too much and starting to outweigh everything else. I feel guilty, because it seems like I'm just givin up because it gets hard. Truth is that I've really given everything I could to be able to breastfeed. I wasn't able to go into labor on my own, can't do breastfeeding without accessories... It seems like I can't do anything the natural way!

Luca's birth story

May 27, 2011 - 5 comments

Quick! Before it's time for the next feed I'll jolt down our story :) As you might know if you read my other journals, I was due to be induced on Thursday the 26th. I had a CTG on Monday to see if everything was fine (which it was), but the OB/GYN was such a lame person. She didn't explain to me what inducing was all about (I was scared senseless about it) and didn't leave any room for questions. She just did an ultrasound, gave me some papers and off I was again, within 5 minutes! I was suffering from nasty swelling in my hands, feet and head and felt increasingly bad, so on Tuesday my mom (who is a doc's assistant) measured my blood pressure and did a routine urine test. My blood pressure was fine but she found some proteine in my urine, which combined with the swelling was a bad sign. I called the hospital and they told me to come in again. In the end everything turned out fine, no pre-eclampsia, but the stress was just too much. It took away the last bit of my energy and I sort of collapsed at the nurses post, feeling very nauseous. The OB/GYN on call (a different one) noticed and offered me a stay at the hospital for a night; they gave me a sedative that helped me sleep through the night (first in weeks, woohoo!). I woke up feeling much better and the midwife that came to talk with me said it made no difference if they'd induce me that day or the next. I was glad to get things started, so she came back shortly to do an internal exam. I didn't know that they had to put in some type of gel to get me effaced -thanks to the afor mentioned ob/gyn- and was glad to know things might start happening without them having to put an IV in me. I walked around the hospital for an hour or two, waiting for my mom to arrive. At lunchtime -this was at about 1 o'clock in the afternoon- I started noticing some light contractions. YAY! My mom arrived shortly after the midwife inserting another helping of gel and then things really kicked off. At 14.00 I was having contractions 1 minute apart and they very quickly started getting heavier. At around 5 they were SO bad I demanded to get a morphine shot (still refused to get an ED, didn't like the sound of it at all and I just wanted the edge of the pain), but it took extremely long for them to get me ready for it. Meanwhile I was screaming bloody murder (I remember because I thought "Dear lord, if this had happened at home my neighbours would have called the police") and begging the nurse to hurry up with the shot. Funny thing is that as soon as they said "Ok, your shot is on it's way" I started having the urge to push. This was around 19.45; the midwife had shook her head and said that it wasn't likely, because only half an hour before she had done an internal and I had been 4 cm dialated. I begged her to check again because I was in serious pain and couldn't control the urge to push at all. She barely touched me and said: "Yeah, you're right. You can start pushing now!" Damn right I was right, woman! I was moo-ing like a cow and felt my baby's head between going down! Anyways, I gave one big push and his head was born, huffed and puffed the second one away and gave birth to my gorgeous boy with the third. I was stunned when they handed him to me, couldn't believe he was mine :D

All in all, I had a perfect birth. Yes, it hurt like hell, but I handled it without being sedated and came out pretty much in one piece. I've got 4 stitches but I barely notice them, I'm tired but doing remarkably fine.

That's all the details I can think of for now. Will add some more later :) If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Being induced

May 23, 2011 - 19 comments

Well, my nightmare has come true. The one thing I didn't want this pregnancy was being induced (and/or get a c-section) and that's exactly what's going to happen this thursday. The doc I spoke to at the hospital wasn't very friendly; I had a 5 minute talk about my CTG and was out of the door before I realized what had happened. I think she was in a rush and not very interested in my worries, but I guess that's the way things go in a hospital. At least I got to see the L&D rooms (they're nice and colorful, with lots of room) and the nurses there were very nice, so I guess it's not all bad. The baby is doing fine too, I'm just not having any contractions nor any dialation yet. It could all happen very fast of course, but I don't think it will.

Keep me in your thoughts!

What NOT to say to a pregnant woman.

May 17, 2011 - 3 comments

Seriously, sometimes the insesitivity of people makes me take a step back and say: "Wow, did that really just come out of your mouth?" I'll write down a few, but you're welcome to add any!

1. Oh, you're just being hormonal!
Yes, my ovaries are producing more progesterone during my pregnancy than any other non-preggo out there does in three years. My brain is soaking in hormones that make me forgetful, worried about everything and not in control sometimes. That does NOT mean that every time I get angry at something, feel like eating something other than ultra-healthy food or cry at a sad part in a movie, it's down to my hormones. I am still a normal human being, thank you.

2. Lord, you're HUGE!
Eh, yes. I am carrying around a baby inside my belly. That, plus the fact pregnancy tends to make your body retain absurd amounts of water makes me bigger than you. That does not mean you need to comment on it every time you see me. You would not say that to me if I weren't pregnant, so why feel the need to do it now?

3. Whoa, not long now ey?!/How long till you're due?
Every middle aged female stranger has asked me that, at least twice. I hope it's not long now.

4. Have you had your baby yet??
No. If I would have, you would have known. There would have been pictures on facebook, you would have received a card/call/text to tell you the good news, I would have TOLD you somehow that my pride and joy has finally decided to come out, so you can coo over him/her.

5. Here, have another helping. You're the one eating for two!
Though I appriciate your kindness, please don't make me aware of the fact that I need to eat. A lot. Because it's something I have noticed already, and if you remind me it only makes me think of stretchmarks and having to exercise like a madwoman after I give birth.

Can't think of any more right this minute. I'm too tired and I'm having fake contractions again (grr!). Will think of some more tomorrow!