Apr 19, 2009
As humans, we experience a wide range of emotions, some stronger than others. There are those of us however, who do not wish to feel our emotions. We want to stuff them back down, smother them, and make them go away. As emotional eaters, when one of these emotions starts to surface, our first reaction is to reach for that food; “please, make it go away, I don’t want to feel that!”
We can go on like this for years, in fact we can span our life in this manner. The problem is that if we live like this, we are not fully experiencing life, we aren’t giving ourselves the chance to shine, to be who we truly are. Emotions are a part of the human experience. In order to be fully conscious and present, we must allow ourselves to feel.
What if we are afraid to feel, afraid of all that may be lurking beneath the surface? Perhaps we have things in our past that we don’t want to think about, we just want to forget. If we don’t acknowledge them, they will just go away, right? That is where we are wrong. Whatever it is that we are trying to ignore, it won’t go away, in fact, it will only try harder and harder to be heard. It’s like a child who is being ignored. He will only cry louder, scream, and then shout the more he is ignored. He will be heard, and if you continue to ignore him, he will resort to negative behavior, anything to get your attention. This is what it is like to ignore that which you are trying to deny and cover up. It won’t go away, it will still be there, no matter how hard you struggle to pretend “it will just go away”.
So what do you do if your feelings are simply too overwhelming for you, if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel for decades? (Yes, there are numerous individuals who exist in this manner.) First, you must be willing to change, to begin to release that which is knocking and dieing to be heard.
Feeling our feelings won’t kill us, it’s more so that not feeling our feelings will, as we continue to attempt to stuff them down. Our emotions aren’t going to go away. They are patient and will wait as long as it takes until we are ready to listen. An affirmation from one of my favorite authors/teachers Louise L. Hay is: “It is only a feeling, it will pass”. If you allow yourself to sit with the feeling and just feel it, instead of trying to run from it, cover it up, or just ignore it, you may be amazed to find that you do not fall apart, you are still intact, and the feeling does eventually pass.
Feelings can be fickle, here one moment, gone the next. A thought that I like to remember is “If it’s coming up, it’s on its way out”. Whatever you feel is coming up to be felt; if you allow it, it will pass, it just wants to be heard so it can be on its way. It only wants to be heard, just like a child does.
• Grab your notebook or journal.
• Sit quietly and breath slowly and deeply to calm yourself.
• Notice what you are feeling.
• In your journal, jot down how you are feeling whether you feel numbness, anger, sadness, whatever you feel, write it down.
• Continue to write about how you are feeling while continuing your deep breathing. Try to remain calm while at the same time feeling your emotions.
• If you feel the need to cry then do so, if you are angry, pound that pillow.
• Keep writing, remaining conscious of your emotions.
• Strive to avoid feeling guilty, reminding yourself that you are now in the process of change, and that you initially learned to stuff emotionally as a way to cope.
In order to change, you must first be conscious of the self-destructive behavior that you have been participating in. Then you can take responsibility for what you have created, and you will be able to move on and change it.
Those feelings that so desperately want to have your attention must be recognized in order for them to be “cleaned out”. Even though it may be scary and not feel good much of the time, “the only way out is through”, and the way out is to feel your emotions.
Your goal is not to “solve” your emotions, it is only to feel, and to affirm to yourself that “it is only a feeling, it will pass”. Feelings are not a judgment; they are only feelings, however you need to allow yourself to experience them so that they can be released. The more you release the old feelings that you have been stuffing, the less you will have the need to stuff new emotions. The more you feel, the less fear you will have of those emotions that you were trying to cover up, thereby releasing the need to continue the cover up.
Feel Your Emotions
Feeling your emotions is very important if you wish to create a life you love. Many of us avoid feeling emotions we tend to think of as negative; for instance, anger, sadness, fear, hate, doubt, shame, jealousy, and resentment. These emotions (and others like them) become especially toxic when they are not fully experienced.
Here are just some of the reasons why feeling your emotions fully is so important.
* If you are not in touch with your unpleasant emotions, you cannot be fully in touch with the emotions we tend to think of as being positive, such as love, happiness, joy, excitement, hope, gratitude, etc.
* If you are not feeling ALL your emotions, it is impossible to live in personal Truth. Many of us are living under illusions of what is important to us, because we are so removed from our own Truth. When you feel your emotions, you begin discovering what is truly important to you. When you honor what is important to you, you begin to live authentically.
* When you don't experience your emotions fully, they stay with you, and you develop a "charge." These accumulated charges may cause you to react to life situations unpredictably or irrationally or see people and events through a distorted filter. Perhaps most importantly, you will continue to create situations in your life, so you once again have the opportunity to feel and heal the pain you are avoiding.
* There is incredible power in your emotions--power that can draw to you what you want. When you really feel what you desire and are in emotional alignment with what you desire, it begins to manifest in your reality at a rapid pace.
* When you "shut yourself down" emotionally, energy stagnates in your body, and over time it may turn into an ailment or dis-ease. True and permanent healing occurs when you allow yourself to experience the feelings associated with the root issue behind your dis-ease.
* We often think of our emotions as being separate from us, or "bad" things, yet they offer us wonderful information. Our emotions only become problems for us when we stuff them down. When you experience your emotions fully, you begin to see and appreciate their assistance and wisdom.
* When you hide your emotions, you increase the amount of conflict within you. When you have internal conflict, your external world reflects conflict back to you. You will find you have many difficulties and obstacles in your life when you suppress your emotions.
* When you bottle-up your emotions, you bottle-up your creativity. "Managing" your emotions is an incredible strain on you, and there is little space or energy left for your creativity to express itself.
* We often ignore our emotions and choose instead to look "outside" for guidance and answers--whether that be from another human being or a Spiritual source. If you feel inside, you will be guided step by step.
Experiencing our feelings is a natural process, yet for some people it is "easier said than done." Initially the process can take some time and effort, but it gets easier with practice. And there is great power in knowing you do not have to cower before your own emotions. I invite you to reclaim your power today. Experience your emotions fully, and create a life you love!
And remember… Unexpressed feelings are like weeds in a garden. They can take root and choke out any good feelings you once had. Unexpressed feelings lead to anger, resentment and depression.
Most people tend to deny their thoughts and feelings and hide them because they are afraid that no one would love or care for the "real person" that they are inside.