I keep thinking that any time now I am going to wake up and be normal feeling again. Maybe I expect to much to soon. After all it took 15 years of abuse to get me to this state and it's only been a month since I have started my journey back to normal. Just I get so tired so easily and can't seem to get motivated to do anything. Yesterday I was shocked I ran the vacumn cleaner. I had to sit down once or twice but I got it done. Actually it's been less than a month to get some recovery so I suppose it does take time. Plus I'm no spring chicken anymore. Hubby and I took a ride this morning because it was so cool outside but just an hour in the car wore me out totally so now we're back home. We used to travel a lot and going west was our thing, will I ever get that travel bug back again. I can't imagine feeling the rest of my life like this.  I fight with myself now to get over the hump of wanting to get back on the vics just to get me over this tired feeling but I know in reality that they won't work like that and the end result is just what I put myself through for a month. I keep looking at the brighter side and realize it's been less than a month since I was in detox and then less than two weeks since I went cold turkey from even the soboxone. So I guess in the long run I'm doing ok in sorts. I really need a new body...lol....

When will I  get my energy back, I want to play again!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love to grow orchids, this is one of my pride and joy's.

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Wow it's Saturday and I slept all night last night, well not all night woke up for potty several times but was able to go right back to sleep. I'm going to force myself to mop the kitchen floor today and pull some weeds. I have to get this energy level back up and that means to push myself a little harder each day. You know this is one of the greatest sites around for people that need people. Hum sounds like a song doesn't it, People who need People, All of my wonderful friends on here help me succeed each new day, you all make me stronger, you all make me look a little deeper with in myself, and you give new meaning to the word caring. How lonely my life would be with out all of you now. I could not imagine waking up  each morning without venturing onto this site to help me through my days that are still tough at times. I set a long term goal for myself of six months to get the energy back, after all that actually is a short time compared to the length of time I abused myself with drugs. But each day I do feel stronger, and feel more in tune with my real self to whom I had lost for a long time. I'm not crazy about the new Doc. I have helping with the anemia but I'm going to give him a chance. He has a horrible bedside manner.
I think I like the real me, yes I know I like the real me. We are all so very lucky, we found each other, people who care, and people who succeed in life, it's a wonderful feeling being counted in with all of you....LOVE Jan
PS. I want to come back as one of my dogs, This is Sadie...shhhhhhhhh don't mention to her she's a dog...she has no idea....lol

I have a little irritabillity today but I find coming to the site helps me get over it. I suggest anyone feeling that way make a trip to the site to help you over it. I think I'm just tired of the fatigue. I want my energy level back. We'll see what the vit. do now for me. Oh by the way my new Doc. I don't like but will go with him for awhile and see if he can bring my cbc count back up...hugs to you all....Jannie Bannie lol

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