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Pho's visit

Dec 29, 2009 - 0 comments

We had Pho and Na last night and today.  They are from Viet Nam.  It was wonderful to see him again and know he is doing so well.  I worried that I wouldn't be able to feed them foods that they are used to.  I had felt overwhelmed earlier, but we had a good time.  It turned out to be a nice event.

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Therapy John

Dec 28, 2009 - 0 comments

Still felt some confusion about BPD diagnosis which was finally put to rest. I don't have.  Whew!  Nervous about Pho's visit and that I need to have everything right to make it a success.  Use shopping as a fix for my anxiety.  No big purchase.  A suit.  I would like to stop shopping.

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Mood 9-15-09

Sep 15, 2009 - 0 comments

I have lost 70 pounds, including that which I lost before I started the weight tracker.  This is due to lifestyle changes I took.  But my kidney function test results are abnormal.  I have been advised to disc. three meds.  I did this.  However, I also stopped my medication for Bipolar, and for OCD.  Therefore, I am taking no psych. meds.  On the surface life is OK but inside me, I feel prepared to die.  I don't feel I have anything to live for anymore.  My blood pressure is ideal.  No problems there.  I feel normal physically, except for kidney pain.  But if I were told I had a terminal illness I would refuse any treatment and expense and just let my life come to its conclusion.  I don't care anymore.  Husb. refuses counseling.  Believes it is of no benifit to anybody.  Doesn't believe in it.

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Sep 03, 2009 - 0 comments

Greatly stressed resulting from acculumulation of husband's family side issues.  Manic behavior, constant talking, constant attention seeking by g'daughter, being verbally attacked by b'in law for nothing I did or said, and s' in law family problems I had to basically handle because nobody wanted to "offend anybody" by taking action and throwing a lifeline to one that truely needed it right then and there.  After a week of this constant stress, I couldn't take anymore.  Then my husband verbally attacks me once home.  I just lost it.  After he left for a trip I had a psychotic break, but caught it by the next day and stopped it.  I just want to run away.  Husband lives in a clueless state of mind.  He cannot understand me, much as I try to communicate in simple language.  I am exhausted!

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