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My thoughts & feelins

Jun 30, 2009 - 0 comments




Well what a difference just over 24hrs or so can make!!!! I have been looking after my darling nephews since sun eve & yesterday I wasnt my usual self with them. Although we played games in the sunshine in the garden, then after lunch went to a nearby park I really wasnt my usual self. I think my bro & sis in law even noticed this in the eve once they returned from work, as sis in law was asking if I was ok!! I think I just lost my mojo for a day or two, I get like that sumtimes, as I said its the loneliness. I also find that nearly all of the friends that I do have (of which there are very few) are all in relationships or married with kids etc & therefore have busy lives. I enjoy being single sumtimes tho at other times that can seem all to glaringly lonely!!

I have woken this morning with a much more positive attitude, prob helped by feeling my 6yr old nephew crawl into bed with me and start heavy breathin on my face to see if I was awake (which I was)!!!! This was followed by a game of "Go Fish" - dont ask??!!! Now I have quickly *** online to ty0pe up my journal & put ystrdys mood tracker info on b4 going for a walk to a large park to keep them entertained as at this very minute I can hear them fighting in the next room - boys eh!!???

I have also contacted my local Drugs Action and they are going to call me back & arrange an appt to go & talk to sum1 in an evening as i cannot attend during the day due to work commitments, they also gave me the helpline number so I can call that as well if need be.

Tho finding this site has been great - even though our addictions may not all be to the same substances/chemicals/prescription drugs - whateva - addiction is addiction and its great to get support & to give support.

Im gona keep up this journal, even if its just to type up how my day has been but I think it will be a good tool to see if there is a pattern to my moods.


my thoughts&feelins

Jun 28, 2009 - 1 comments






Well I am 192 days free of all mind alterin substances. My drug of choice for many years was heroin, tho this was only after abusing, cannabis, ecstasy, cocaine then latterly crack, just the usual addicts journey I imagine!!
I have come on this site to post because I am strugglin with my feelins of boredom & depression & loneliness and also I want to talk to others in the same position as myself and get their feddback & support as well.

I have been feelin really low lately, bordeom & loneliness being my main factors. I struggle financially which limits what I can do in my free time. I work part time in the afternoons (A job given to me by my sis in law) for which I am eternally grateful as she knew the boredom was killin me and they have seen me get clean b4 & relapse thru the boredom as well as the people, places, things (ie startin to contact old using "friends" thru bordeom/loneliness). So at least I am busy for a good part of the day now.

Howeva its always the wknds that I struggle, tho once again my sis in law tells me to come see them rather than sit on my own, but I dont want to be a burden. Tho in my heart of hearts I know Im not as my family are just happy to see me getn on with my life and staying clean. The hard part is that none of them understand what Im goin through and to be honest I wouldnt want to burden them with my troubles anyway as it would only make them worry, which in turn makes them more protective, which in turn drives me nuts!!! Ha Ha

I just wanted to get my feelins down on paper/cyber paper and see what happens.

Im gona keep up this journal malarkey and track my progress ;o) xx