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I just don't  have anymore answers about me, my life is a MESS

Jun 23, 2009 - 1 comments

To all of you that have been keeping in touch with me, offering me advice & supporting me, caring & loving me. You don't judge me. I want to thank you for that and accepting me as I am now and listening to what I have to say.
I appreciate all the notes, messages and giving me a couple of days so I could try to get my thoughts under control.The past 3 days were so emotional.  My head was pounding, I was mentally NUMB!  When my hubby Mike brought me home Thursday from our My IM Dr. to review my meds. I had no problem with that. I was relieved he wanted to do that. Mike went in with me I wanted him to so he help me explain how I feel or what I say or may forget what I was talking about, back me up. That did not really happen. My IM Dr. said that I was on all the meds because of the Fibro. and that there was no cure for Fibro. (No Kidding)!! My Fibro. is flared and he wants me not over do it. Then he tells I need to structure my day.. He wants to know what I do all day. I guess do housework or gardening is not exercise!  I told him I don't sit  all day I get up and do things around the house everyday. I do the laundry, etc. I was told I was just giving him excuses. I had no correct answers, no support really from Mike. I asked him what can we do about the chronic pain that is real. I was told I am on all the pain meds. I need. Which help at a medium level I guess.He just said take the pain management medications. I asked if my pain is extremely bad could I try 2 Morphine at a time and he did say let's try it. That has been the only I was able to say that he agreed on. I know I can be stubborn at times, and I am trying very hard to correct that.

So this past Friday 6/19/2009, I had an appt.with the Social Worker(that I thought was a psychologist) . I was hoping that I would be able to get some emotional help. Maybe to get some helpful direction or advice. Instead Mike and S.W. did all the talking and not so much about me. And I was just not asked but a few questions. He said instead of seeing each other we could email. Which we use to do it helped some. By this time we are going home of coruse I am crying. I am not sure what I was looking for. But I did not find it. I did not expect anyone to solve my Chronic pain, or Fibro and all of it's symptoms.

My Phsyciatrist  listened to my request.  I emailed him this past Monday  to let him know that I did not think the Cmbalta dosage was working. I asked him if there was something else We could try for the depression and fibro. pain?  We decided to go with Zoloft because there are less side effects. But I have to taper off the Cymbalta, I was taking 70mg of Cymbalta and he wants me to stop taking 20mg. now and also take the Zoloft. He is hoping I won't have much withdrawals from the Cymbalta as he weans me off so I will only be on the Zoloft that is if I don't have any did effects..

Mike and I have had some conversations,no fights.  But it just does seem like I can't say anything anymore because nobody understands me, or what I meant to say. I know that is hard to do,  .It is so damn embarrassing trying to explain to the IM Dr. anything, he wasn't listening

I still have not solved anything except for weaning off Cmbalta to start Zoloft ( which I started Friday 19th).
I don't know if anyone here understands what I am going through. I still feel emotionally numb, I wish  I could  be numb no pain.  I have to be honest, I am in so much pain I can barely walk because my lower back  and right knee are killing me, guess I will take another Morphine see if I can get some sleep.  

I am not sure if I explained myself to all of you so you understand.  I don't want to think anymore I just want my hubby to understand. I thought he did, he tries to. Thanks for listening to me rambling. I am tired,

Good Night to all & many Thanks,

Sharj

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by kitonthemoon, Jun 23, 2009
Hey Shar,

How are you feeling this morning?  I'm terribly concerned about you and hoping, and praying that there's somethin I can do to ease youe emotional pain, besides the physical ones.

I know how it feels when you're waiting for the answers you're expecting to hear from someone(s) and you don't get it.  It can get super frustrating, especially when our brain fog gets in the way.  Mind if I ring you today?  If you don't feel like it, I will email you please check it later today.  Okay?

There's always something we can do to help each other,hang in there, promise!!!

Love and gentle hugs,
Kit

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