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Ms Connie Lee or MH Friends

Feb 04, 2014 - 16 comments

I thought I would answerer your note in here. The other day when she was doing all of that strange stuff like she was on a acid trip or something..Well I found out that she got a hold of the KLONS. She was over at my House so my Hub had the meds locked up..BUT he had put the Klons out in the packet up high so she could have one in a hour or so that night..Well I guess she thought it was a pain pill and took a few. She was out there..It reminded me how I used to go on some strange trips when I would take a Klon to come down form my Methadone & Adderral Buzz. I would fall a sleep standing up in the kitchen..I would be eating and find it all over my Lap..I did many strange things when I was on the Klons..Kind of did not even know what I was doing..That is the Big reason I came clean back in 2012 as you know. I only took one or two at night or early morning. ANYWAY a friend of mine came up and we walked her back over to her home. She stayed all day and night and some the next day. My Moms mind is back again but she is just so weak.
I have been waiting and waiting on this room..They where waiting for the Welfare to send them something saying she applied for Medicaid..Well after talking to so many people from there it came down to where we were suppose to call and have a phone interview..This crap was going on for days..NOW finally someone called yesterday and said that she has to be in the home so they can re-evaluate the paper work in a different way. When we were looking for only home health they went by a pay scale. She was just a little above it money wise. Now she will be fine and will get it approved. The room has been open for a few days now..The lady from Welfare who knew here stuff sent a E-mail to a friend she knows at the home. So I just now called and they are waiting for the Dr to call and approve. Her Dr is out of town so it is a fill in Dr..I called the office yesterday and begged the Girl to have him call..Just pick up the dam phone and say YES. I told her I know he is with patience all day, but at the end of the day..Well I just called about a hour ago and no call from the Dr yet..I am going to call Hospice and the Drs office and get on them.. Come on now she has been ready for days..I need her in there so she will eat..They have some good equipment so they can blend her food. My girlfriend got her to do way more then she will do for her daughter here. She kind of orders me and with her she did not..She had A LOT more patience with her then I have right now. She is changing and going down way too fast. I am praying that they can get her to eat and drink and they also will have the meds more controlled to give her one every 6 hours so she will not be sleeping so much. I know she is very frustrated about not being able to do these things she was just doing for her self last month..She asked me to help put her clothes on and lift her form the toilet today..I could just see the depression of this all in her face.
SO this is where I am at with her right now..24 hour care..I do go home for a while, but always come right back..Well it is just a few steps through the snow to my back porch..I am telling you when she does pass I am going to be a pressure cooker that is going to finally blow my Top. I have not had much time to grieve for the Dads and my Dog I lost in the past couple of months, because of being busy taking care of her. When I got to be alone, when my friend was here, it gave me time to just sink all of this in..My reality is not here with this right now because of being busy with her..I know when she goes to the Home then all my Emotions are just going to come flowing out with the reality of it all.
So we are real close to moving her. It is 2 pm so I most likely will be moving her tomorrow..God I sure pray so..It is all for the Best..My quilt of moving her has somewhat lifted. I know it just has to be done. I am in early recovery and Stress & Drama can cause a big trigger..So Far, So Good. I have been getting some tight pains around in my chest area lately. Not sure if it in my Lungs from damaging them by snorting drugs for so long and still smoking these dam cigs. I do not know, but it scared the crap out of me..SO yes it is time for someone else to take care of her and I can just come and see her everyday and talk and go down memory lane with her about good old times.
I Love each and everyone of you that have been by my side since all of this came down..I will grieve for awhile when she goes and then it will be time to take me Life back..I want to come back on here and be the silly girl I used to be. Just want to be happy again and I know I will..Life is Life and we all have our ups & downs..That is just what Life is..A Big Wheel in the Sky that keeps on Turning, not sure were I'll be tomorrow..(Journey) lol
Bless U ALL

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Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Feb 04, 2014
I was hoping your mom was already at the home yesterday. It seems like there is always some red tape and hurdles to get to the next step. I hope the doctor gets on the stick and finds a min to make the darn call. I'm glad that your moms friend got her to be a little more cooperative. I'm glad you figured out she was taking the wrong meds.  You've been a trooper thru this entire period of grief and loss. You are 100% right and deserve to spend quality time with your mom from now on and let the nurses do their jobs. Much love and hugs coming your way!!

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by dominosarah, Feb 04, 2014
When the time comes for your momma to go home you will feel a sense of relief my friend.  I so know what you are going thru and i wish i could help you, all i can do is be here for you.  Please give your momma a hug and kiss from me~

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by VICourageous, Feb 04, 2014
Thank You so much Ellen & Sarah..I wanted to think you Sarah for getting back to me. I feel SO BLESSED to have the Support that I have been given here. I will give my Momma a big Hug from you..She is very aware of your name Sarah..She got a big laugh when you called her the form Mom.
Hospice got the orders from the Dr..Now they just need a few signatures and they are working there hardest to get this by tomorrow..The hospice nurse is pushing it hard because she is very worried about my Hub & I too..Thank You, Thank You and Thank You from the Bottom of my foot to the top of my Head. I will NEVER forget you gals/guys that have been with me.
I will be ME and back again some

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by clean_in_ks, Feb 04, 2014
I'm SO grateful to get to read this update, Vic~  Talk about delays and dilemmas and what too much of the wrong drug will do, eh?  You've ridden their arses enough you've got a choir of advocates SCREAMIN for you now, Vic!!!  That's what it takes sometimes, unfortunately....and I'm thanking God Elsie has you......I really am.  Seems sad to me that when we are doing our best to help, love, be there, do this and do that....we have to also find the strength to "crack the whip" and make sure they "get r done", ya know?  But red tape is a reality in our world....and you've overcome a lot since Monday.  All of you are ready for this next step...this next move....and the relief valve is already movin.....I'm so grateful for this progress/update, Vickie Lee.  I love you~

P.S.  Reminder....don't forget you were gonna have them note her chart in the home to notify you BEFORE they change ANY of her pain meds and put a patch on her...just helpin ya remember :)

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by ActingBrandNew, Feb 04, 2014
Wow Vic....your going through so much. I pray that God continues to give you the strength you need to deal with it all.

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by toothfairie, Feb 04, 2014
Vic i'm still praying for you and mom...hang in there girl and give your mom a hug from will be OK...God is taking care of it all...i"m here if you need to talk ok.  xoxo  

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by meegWpaw, Feb 04, 2014
sorry I sent you that pm.  I just read this.  I love you Vickie and I am here for you.  strength and love to you I wuv you. --Meg Pie

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by VICourageous, Feb 04, 2014
Ms Connie Lee I talked to the Hospice nurse 2 days ago and we are getting rid of the Klons..I told them maybe just one ativan at night only. You bet I am going to make it loud and clear that if they change ANY med without me knowing there will be BIG TROUBLE..You know we talked about this over the line about my Dad and how he was before I caught that patch they stuck on him..I will just FLIP my Cookie Big Time..No ifs about it..We will know when it is time..Maybe??..Right now she is just happy with her Norco 10s that she only gets so many a day set out for her by my Hub. And a Oxy 20 as needed. My Hub & Hospice does all of this and the Box is hid and locked because I told them about me and my Recovery..I can not believe she can deal with this pain, but she wants to be alert and not Rummie, Dummie she calls it..She has always had the best since of Humor out of anybody I have ever known. The stories I could tell you that she used to say to us Kids. That is why she always seemed more like a Friend then a Mom..She even went hitch hiking with me a few times to the Casinos when I lived in Lake Tahoe and was 17 still going to High School..I left home at 17. She always came up to visit. Now I wish I would of not and took another path..Oh well!!!
SO Anyway...Tomorrow will be a new day with more news. I have been over here marking all her clothes with a permanent Marker..That made me feel very Sad. I have her all packed and she wants me to spend the night..She was over at my House for days and now she wants to stay here until her last day. I just know the Reality of this has not hit me Yet..Little bye Little it is sinking in like a Big Ship that just hit a Ice Berg. (Whatever it is called)..I Love you all for being here for me. This here shall pass and Life must go on..I just am glad I had you all to lean on because I do not have many here in my real World.
Bless U ALL my MH Family.

Avatar universal
by katmandu516, Feb 05, 2014
Oh Vic...I can feel the desperation in your voice. My heart is heavy for you. I wish I could be there to help you too. Keep  fighting the good fight.  Everything will work out today, you just have to keep on their arses.  I know how dealing with Civil Servants can be. I pray that you keep your peace in knowing that you are doing the right thing. I am praying for you..
God Bless You and your mom and your husband,

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by VICourageous, Feb 05, 2014
OMG Just got the call to move her. I spent the night with her and had to help most of the night..NOW I can not stop crying. I feel like I gave up. I feel awful. I feel like I am abandoning her. I have been helping her for over 7 years now..All the Drs, Radiation, going from one town to another. To the Chemo..She was a Trooper and did not ever give up. Now it is almost the end of her Life. I can not stop crying. Oh!!! Lord why? why? why? so much pain. I know, I know, I know it is for the Best..BUT why do I feel like crap!!!

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Feb 05, 2014
I think you maybe feeling some relief in those feelings Vic. Your probably feeling lots of emotions actually right now. YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP!! You are making things BETTER for your moms care and quality of life. It's not like you won't be at the home all the time, I know you will. This is all new and unfamiliar territory with your mom and sometimes even good change like this can be frightening. To be with her as she settles in over there. Make sure everything is just so and get some rest this evening and I'm sure you will be right back visiting her in the morning a little more rested and refreshed. Hugs Vic. You can do this. I know you know you've made the right decision. Much love and hugs girlfriend

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by VICourageous, Feb 05, 2014
Thanks Ellen..I guess I just need to hear that I am doing the right thing. The Nurse from Hospice called and she helped me a bit. I guess it is just the shock of it all coming to Life. My main thing is that they let her walk back & fourth to the Bathroom and such. When I go I will be having her go for walks. I do not want her to give up on walking. I also just know they will get food & fluids down her..This will bring her back some strength..I know she will not go down to the dinner table because she is embarrassed of her face and all the dressing all over it. It has spread so fast all over. She will not feel so alone..They will be going in & out. Some of my Friends and Niece will be checking on her almost daily and walk her too. They all live in town..I am abut 30 minutes from town.
Like Hospice said, I now can just be the Daughter and be with her as just that..No move caregiver..Just a friend and we still can go for some drives. I guess this all is just hitting me and I will not be seeing her all day & night like I have been for Years since she was only a few feet away from my home. Her Dog "Moose" which is the Brother of my dog or was dogs, he is always hanging out with my Hub..He got to a point that he did not even want to come in here..He knows she is very sick. SO now we will have to give him special attention as he gets used to her not being here..He will just think she is at the Home..I will be taking him on my visit to. SO I guess this is it..I will no longer be posting about this anymore. She will be in good hands. I want to Thank Everybody Again who has given be so much Support during all of this. Now it is time to just leave it be. I will just post one last time when she is gone. Special Thanks to the Ones (you know who you are) that have been here everyday for me..
Ellen YOU have been one of my Biggest Supporters all the way..I will never forget this until the day I die..
Bless U!!!!

Avatar universal
by 10356, Feb 05, 2014
You are a Beautiful Wonderful Daughter V.. Do not let anything take that from you. your doubts are just that doubts You have done the right thing by your Mom Yourself and Hubby, even her much loved dog. This is your time to let things settle in your heart and enjoy the time you have left sharing your past life with your Mom. Sending love, lesa

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Feb 05, 2014
Please don't feel like you can't post about this anymore. We are here to offer support my dear in whatever it is you need. If you don't want to post anymore then that's completely different. Sometimes I find journaling helps me let things go.

Well I think it's great family and friends will be visiting her too. I'm sure you could call in and check on her when your busy or running late on getting over to see her. She will have more strength with more food in are right about that. I'm sure after she's been there a few days she will come around and leave her room to eat. How nice to have 24 hour maid service, pain control, friends and family visiting along with meeting some new friends. I hope you both can enjoy the time you have together much more now. We brought in a picture board and put it in my grandmas room for her. We also brought a few of her personal things too. I'm sure she could have those things too. I know you will do your best to make her feel at home. Don't forget to have them take some pics of you both together. My aunt found it painful when her husband passed but she is so glad she has them now.

Avatar universal
by katmandu516, Feb 12, 2014
Praying for you and your mom and your husband and your dogs always Vic......
Keep fighting the good fight. You can only do what you can do.  I know you would somehow like to wave a magic wand and have everybody cured of their ailments, I'm that way too.  But I finally realized that only God can do that. Let go Vic, and let God take over.....Praying in the meantime, you feel sweet peace in your heart and mind. Love ya,

Avatar universal
by BGirl14, Mar 24, 2014
VIC you are one amazing strong woman. I wish I was as strong as you. But there are days I just want to give up. But I just keep on pushing because of my children . They are the only. Reason I keep on.

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