Feb 14, 2014
Woke up in a foul mood, which was triggered by my dislike of Valentine's Day - I always would come home empty-handed or with sympathy cards from people who saw I had received nothing while my little sister would come home bogged down with cards, candy, and trinkets. As I got older my boyfriends would celebrate the first Valentine's Day with me and then forget subsequent days... this included my fiance today, who then justified the forgetting with "Valentine's Day defeats the purpose of love - if you celebrate it, you're basically saying every other day of the year means nothing." I was angry and cynical for a while... the severe headache didn't help.
I went downstairs to do the dishes, take my vitamins, and have something to eat. Discovered that Daddy found the Valentine I'd made for him and saw he left me a small note in return, which cheered me up significantly. I further calmed down after a cup of coffee and some cupcakes, and my fiance and I began to banter and chatted via FaceTime for a while before his power abruptly cut out. During his absence, I indulged in a hot shower while listening to Three Days Grace. He returned and we talked until he went to sleep.
Heard a song from Five Finger Death Punch, "Diary of a Deadman," the lyrics being EXACTLY what I hear in my head when I dissociate or feel extremely depressed/suicidal. I listened to it a few times before I discovered I'd been crying and trying to dissociate. I changed to my driving playlist (my favorite playlist) and proceeded to make supper for Daddy and I - nachos, our current favorite.
Enjoyed having supper with Daddy when he got home from work, but wound up rushing him off to bed because he was sore and tired. After he went to bed, I had a small manic event and cleaned the kitchen (washed the dishes and scrubbed the counters/range) and tended to my laundry. After the mania eased off, I found myself distracted by an old cartoon that I used to enjoy that doesn't come on much anymore.
Overall, today was one of the better Valentine's Days I've had. Stuck Daddy's little note to my bedroom mirror as a reminder that this day isn't always so bad.