Feb 16, 2014
Home today with nasty flu..I have decided to keep journal through all of this. Maybe someday when someone asks me where the he'll I was for the last three years I can refer them here for answers. I also want to look back at the pain I am in and remember that I can do this and never look back. I want sobriety more than anything else in the world. Honestly I would not trade it for a million dollars. I would probably spend the money on pills anyway!!!
I am going to finish my profile on medhelp today and maybe add a few pics if I can figure it out...lol. I can't wait to start my daily tracker towards clean time. I wish I could start today but I know I have to get my business cleared up and I Don't have the strength to do it in withdrawals. Every dime I spend on my pills makes me sick to my stomach, but I have to keep my eyes on the prize, which this time next month will be my sobriety. If anyone besides myself ever reads this, I can only hope that you will be able to learn from my mistakes and never let yourself get as deep as I did into this addiction. If you are already there, let us walk this road of recovery together. Do not be ashamed of who you have become, just somehow find the strength to fix it. No one would ever suspect that I am a drug addict. I am a successful business owner (kids store to boot!!!), a girl scout leader, school volunteer, home owner with a wonderful family, five rescue cats, two rescue dogs from the pound (Newfoundland/Rottweiler cross).....what was I thinking?? I used to have a nice yard!!!! Lol.
I have an amazing and very handsome husband, a beautiful and extremely intelligent 10 year old daughter and I have traveled all over the world. My drug addiction has taken almost everything from me. I am not bragging, I just need to write this down to not only remind myself of who I am but to let anyone know who might read this that this addiction can happen to anyone. We are all ashamed, or we would not reach out in this forum. It is our first step to freedom from this awful dark place that we are in right now. We must help each other. We can defy the medical community!!!!
(Sorry, I personally do not have much faith in them as of late...when I reached out for help I was labeled a drug addict and dismissed in a very rude manner, just my personal experience.)
I will continue to post in my journal as I struggle to get my life back for myself and also for my wonderful family. I am so blessed and continue to threaten the very things that bring joy to my life. I wish myself and everyone out there in this big bad beautiful world the happiness of a drug free life.
Can't wait in the years to come to read back on this and know I am not alone in my journey and hope I can help just one person....until next time..maybe a week, maybe an hour, it does not matter. It helps me to write it all down, seems more tangible and less overwhelming. Thanks to all...Michelle from Montana.