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BEST FRIEND...MOM  is at PEACE Now!!!!!!

Feb 17, 2014 - 52 comments

Today is February 17th 2014. She died this morning at 5am. I got the call at 10:30 last night..Had to drive through a snow storm to get there. I sat with her and kissed her forehead and told her it is time to let go. Mom it is OK..You have fought this fight on Cancer for over 7 years and did a great job at it..You where a Trooper up until the last week..Please Let go and Let the Lord carry you.
When no one was in the room, I picked her head and shoulders up and held her SO close and as I cried my tears ran down her cheek..I knew she could understand me by the look in her eyes. She was SO peaceful looking..Thank YOU Lord for that one.
I talked about things we talked about over a month ago. I told her she will see her son (my brother) and to give him a Big Kiss for me. Give my Dad a kiss too and tell him I miss him..I still need to grieve a bit over his loss a few Months ago..I will take good care of Moose your Dog, if you take good care of my Boy Whiteface that just passed last month..Tell my hubs father I said Hi and we are doing our best..Give ALL the Loved ones that passed to the other side a Big Hug from me..OK?? We also talked about her sending me a sign through the TV or this Lamp on the side of my Bed. When my Dad passed there was this Lamp that went off & on when I had his wallet in my hand. Later I went over and the plug was in tight and I could bump the table or jump up & down on the floor it would not turn on..Well what was up with that..Hum!!! Then I told her that if I am over at her place then turn the TV to the Westerns and I will get a sign..Well our TV just went out in the bedroom and Her TV is at my house in the bedroom. We will

Dear MOM..There is a BIG Piece of my Heart gone..But the hole is filled with Wonderful, Beautiful, Loving, Caring and Very Funny & FUN MEMORIES.
YOU have always been my BEST FRIEND..I have always told you everything that had went on in my Life..Always came to visit me no matter where I lived or who I lived with. You were so much fun..More like a Sister in a lot of ways. When I was Young you looked so young and pretty yourself. Even as you aged you still carried that Beauty inside and out. When I was VERY young you would tell me...that it is better to tell you where I am going and when I will be back. Then to sneak out the window and wonder where I have been. You where always called the COOL MOM..The Mom that is SO much Fun and so Funny with the best since of Humor in the World. There is SO SO Much more MOM but you know how I feel..I will miss you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!

This is a SONG my Mom DEDICATED to me when I was 17 years old and I wanted to move out on my own. I still had to finish 12th grade in High School..I wanted to move to Lake Tahoe with a Friend, so I did..I worked, went to school, graduated and continue on to college for a while back in 1973-74


Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grivevin'

But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, Baby, Baby, it's a Wild World
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, Baby, Baby, it's a Wild World

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you a SAD GIRL
Don't be a BAD GIRL
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of Bad & Beware...

Baby I Love YOU..

"RIP" February 17th 2014


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by ariley13, Feb 17, 2014
Oh, Vic, I am so sorry for your loss. I sit here with tears in my eyes for you and your mom. She was such a fighter and endured so much suffering. She is at peace now and can finally rest. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and close to my heart. Please let me know if there's anything at all you need. Love you.

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by nonights, Feb 17, 2014
I'm so sorry and you are such an awesome woman. Sending prayers.

Avatar universal
by 10356, Feb 17, 2014
My tears I join with yours V. I'm so incredibly sorry but so Grateful you had this time with your Mom.. I send my heartfelt condolences to you and all who loved this tremendous lady. You are a Beautiful Daughter V.. I send warm hugs with love, lesa

Avatar universal
by ROSYouralright, Feb 17, 2014
Vic, I am sorry for your loss. She is in a better place where there is no pain or cancer to battle. If you need anything, I am here!

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by meegWpaw, Feb 17, 2014
I am truly sorry for your loss Vickiedoll.  I love you very much.  that is a beautiful tribute you wrote to her and I love that song.  loving you.  she will be at peace now and no more suffering.  im here for you.  --Meg-Pie

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by Sonrissa, Feb 17, 2014
Bless you Vic, and your family! I'm praying for your peace and comfort.  You are in my thoughts.

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by VICourageous, Feb 17, 2014
Thank You ALL who have walked with me for the last 3 months regarding my Cluster of Deaths. I am still very numb over this one..Only cried once with her when I held her. I feel like I am in a dream and I need to wake up..Very OUT-THERE right now..I know I will drop and flop soon..I will be floating across the ocean in tears

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by jugglin, Feb 17, 2014
I am so sorry for your loss.  I believe you get your strength from her.  Your tribute is very powerful.  Prayers of peace and strength are being said for you and your family. God bless.

Avatar universal
by digger1976, Feb 17, 2014
So sorry for your loss Vic, but grateful you got to spend some time with her. Beautiful words my friend, truly! She is in a better place now and at peace. You and your family are in my thoughts as always, love Dig...

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by VICourageous, Feb 17, 2014
Dear MH Family..ALL OF YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND CARING!! The Support through all of this saved my Butt from falling..Sure do not have it in my REAL WORLD..Oh! Maybe a

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by dominosarah, Feb 17, 2014
I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing Vic.  She is at peace now.  Now it is time for you to find your peace~

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by ThePhoenix75, Feb 17, 2014
Oh Vickie,
I am so so sorry.  I am in tears for your and your beautiful tribute.  you mom sounds like an amazing person and I am happy for you that you were able to have some a wonderful relationship. You were blessed to have each other and I am happy she is no longer in pain.  I am truly sorry for your loss.

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by VICourageous, Feb 17, 2014
AMEN to that..I need my PEACE Back..
I will turn this all around for the best..
I made that a promise to her before she left this earth..
One big thing is giving up the Cigs..My Hub & I both..
Very Dumb since that is what gave her Cancer..
Brand new Life Change just like when I got clean 17 months ago..

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by clean_in_ks, Feb 17, 2014
Thank you, Vickie Lee, for letting me be a part of ALL that you experienced as you held her and talked to her and all that you were able to say to her.  I found myself crying the minute I saw your journal title....and then each line you wrote, I cried even harder.... I was wanting to be WITH you...and cry WITH you my sweet friend and soul sister.  You have this amazing gift, Vickie just DO...of sharing your heart and your life in "real time".

The song you shared....that "did it to me too"..girl..!  I read it thru your Mom's eyes....and then wept again.  Some day I'll share how "coincidental" it is that you shared that particular Cat Steven's song.  I have a precious memory attached to it, too.  Now EVERY time I hear it....I will not only think of my own precious memories....but also of YOURS that you have willingly shared today~

I carry you in my heart today....and will be in touch with you when you've had some more time.  Thank you again for sharing from your deep places.....and including us so that we might in some slight way, lighten your burdens.
I love you, Moose Lips.....(((((HUGGING YOU TIGHT))))))
Connie Lee

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by nursegirl6572, Feb 17, 2014

I'm SO very sorry for the loss of your Mom.  You're right, she's at peace now.  Please know I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.  You have my deepest sympathies.  Please PM me if you need to talk or vent, or anything.  I'm here for you!  XOXOXOXO

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Feb 17, 2014
I'm sorry to hear you lost your best friend and mom today. I'm grateful you had some time to share some heartfelt words with your mom before she passed. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with her and you have many wonderful memories. No doubt it's been a brutal few month for you and hubs. I hope that once she's laid to rest you are able to process and heal emotionally from it all and things are much better. Sarah is right, your moms at peace now and you will be too in time. Sending my love your way

Avatar universal
by weaver71, Feb 17, 2014
You are an incredible lady. Keep that spirit alive.

Avatar universal
by msdelight, Feb 17, 2014
Oh Vicky honey. You really got me with that Cat Stevens song. My heart is so heavy for you my dear. My love goes out to you and Craig and Moose and Summer. I wish had words to comfort you baby girl. But you sound at peace with this and that is good. I am here for you now and in the coming months. May our Lord shine his peace upon you, may you know NO MORE HEARTACHE for a very very long time. I wish I could just give you a hug. Love and all good things to come, MsD   <3 <3 <3

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by ricart70, Feb 17, 2014
That was beautifully written Vic. My thoughts are with you and I know it is going to be a great year for you!  You are such an inspiring person and not just for staying clean but for life itself and I mean that ;)   Big hug for you Vic  

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by atthebeach, Feb 17, 2014
hey Vic your mom is in the presence of JESUS, surrounded by HIS glory, I  can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by Your side, I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When Your face is looking at me..... Amy Grant - "imagine"

so sorry vic , what a beautiful tribute from your mom to you, and now from you to her.
praying for your peace and comfort.
much love

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by VICourageous, Feb 17, 2014
OH! Geez I am blushing..Just kidding..Well my MH Buds..What was said by all of you really hit home. It also means SO much to me coming from the ones I know so well on here...Also the Love that is shown by my new friends too. I am very, very numb and have not cried since I held her..I know I will, but right now it is not real to me..It has not sunken into this thick head of mine. I bet I get up in the morning to take off and spend the day with her being the Mother Hen that I have been..This is when it is really going to hit me..Been so busy doing all of this I am going to feel lost for a few...BUT I am a big girl and I will just put my Boots (snow) on and just go out and face the world like a big girl should. AND you bet your sweet ash I am going to take some down time for just me too!!! lol

Bless U All from the Bottom of my Heart to the Top..It has some holes here and there with these missing pieces, but I still feel blessed by all of you..Thanks!!!!!!!!!

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by dominosarah, Feb 17, 2014
The tears will come Vic and with each passing day healing will happen.   She lives thru you now grasshopper~

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by Bubbleguppie100, Feb 17, 2014
Aww Vic, I am soo sorry! :(

Avatar universal
by vicki595, Feb 17, 2014
I'm thinking of you and how much you've been through in the last weeks and months; it's an unbelievable weight for one girl!   You're pretty strong and I think your Mom was very fortunate to have Vickie Lee in her life!

Losing a Mother is an indescribable hurt but maybe all the love from your friends and family will be a comfort.  

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by lizbuzz, Feb 17, 2014
Sending you a big hug and lots of love...lizzy

Avatar universal
by addict3, Feb 17, 2014
Sending my condolences. I hope you find peace with this. Keep your guard up.

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by mzkity, Feb 17, 2014
So sorry Vic, God Bless.

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by Barb135, Feb 18, 2014
I don't know you, but this showed up on my home page.  I'm very sorry for your loss and I, too, hope you find your peace.  ((Hugs))....

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by zerokewl123, Feb 18, 2014
Hey Vic sorry to hear about your loss. But always remember those good memories as I know most would not want to be remembered in tears but only for what joy and blessing we have created for all those around us. We all have to die sooner or later its the cycle of life. She was lucky to have you as a daughter Vic. You are truely a wonderful women. Keep that up. Love you and may peace be your journey from here on out.

Avatar universal
by FourJays, Feb 18, 2014
I am so sorry about your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you my dear friend.

Avatar universal
by weaver71, Feb 18, 2014
I'm so thankful you had family who taught you to love so deeply. Those who come before us have given us the greyest gifts their are. Someday I will be gone and I pray I make sure there are people to carry my love on as sure as I hold the torch today. The deeper in hurts, the deeper it buries the love in my spirit. We are just shuttling this love back to it's source, passing it on through the generations. Thanks for  being so lovable Vickie.

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by dontworry_behappy1, Feb 19, 2014
Your Mom will always be alive in your heart.   Hope you find some comfort in your time of loss.  

Best to you

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by 007Bunny, Feb 19, 2014
"Sometimes tears say all there is to say..." The Script
Crying with you Vickie.

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by toothfairie, Feb 19, 2014
Vic I'm so sorry about your suffering now, no cancer to fight....stay strong my friend as I know you ya girl..  I'm around if you ever need me.  

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by Shannon79, Feb 19, 2014
I'm so sorry to read this, Vic. But she is at peace now and not suffering anymore.

You were very strong for her even when you felt you couldn't do it anymore. You are an amazing woman, and I hope that you take comfort in the fact that we're all thinking of you and you're in all our prayers.

I hope you find some peace in this difficult time.

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by melimeli, Feb 19, 2014
I am very sorry...  she will always be with you..  

Avatar universal
by Jenelle2020, Feb 19, 2014
Hi Vickie, just read this now, I am SO VERY SORRY! I can't add much here, everyone has said it all already, please accept my sincere condolences! You are a very brave, determined, loving and courageous person. Sending healing prayers out to you.

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
Thank You ALL. I am still doing OK. I must say this with all of my heart, that I might not be here today without the Support I have been given since day one. Because of your support I am still clean and sober. This was the hardest thing I have gone through in a LONG TIME. Cluster deaths are no walk in the park. I do feel so much stronger and very proud that I did this time clean and sober. I now can turn it around for the best. I have no cravings at all "Today" and maybe not for the rest of my Life.."God willing". I do feel a big change right now for the best..Thanks to my MH Family for Supporting me all the way. You gals/guys are the best Angles out

Avatar universal
by Heather8448, Feb 20, 2014
I love you vic I just read this...if u dont have my number still Rosy does...Im not on here often...but I am here always for u!! NO MATTER WHAT!
PS I am bad with this stuff u would think I had something profound to say but...yea
it *****
your not alone

Avatar universal
by weaver71, Feb 20, 2014
You can close your eyes and faithfully fall back, we will always be there, you don't even have to look. Change brings limitless potential. I am eager to see what miracles you will be sharing soon. I love you dearly my friend, you inspire me, which is a very hard job. Thank you for that, for everything.

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
Geeez Thanks..I will always be here for all of you too! Maybe I am a few steps ahead of this and maybe a few steps behind. BUT we all know it is not easy to go through any Deaths. BUT if you can make it through without running and hiding under a substance, then you do feel this power of strength that you can beat this addiction too. One day at a Time and how true is this??? lol

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by dominosarah, Feb 20, 2014
Just make sure to keep your Guard Up~

Sending love and hugs your way~

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
ALWAYS GRASSHOPPER, ALWAYS!!! That right there is the God honest Truth..and nothing but the Truth.."GUARD UP" Always and Forever...

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by dominosarah, Feb 20, 2014
You have to be extra careful now as when things settle down we start feeling our grief more.

Your a good student grasshopper!!

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by ActingBrandNew, Feb 20, 2014
My condolences dear Vic! Im sorry for your loss!

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
So True said the little Grasshopper to the Bigger Grasshopper. I have not really let this out about my Mom yet. I am just trying to settle down and then it will all blow. I have been trying not to think about it. I guess I am kind of in that Denial state. I keep finding myself thinking about going to see her or bringing her something from her house. I know deep down it is real, but I am not ready yet. Too much to Grieve for and my Older Heart can not take it right
You are so right there Girl...You always bring the best out of me and this is the truth be

Thanks ABN and everyone..Bless

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by dominosarah, Feb 20, 2014
We go into a shock like state, with bumper pads all around us......Denial is very much alive during this time.  Keep things real simple right now.  Trying to tackle big things brings out nasty anger, trust me on this one!!  I made the tasmanian devil back down.......

I am always here for you~

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
Thank You..I know you are and you sure do know the truth of this all. I am trying to take it real slow because I Do Not need to flip out and have to fight that Devil again. No Thanks he can go away from me now and forever..ha!

Thank You for the Wise words there Grasshopper!!! lol

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by timothy141, Feb 20, 2014
Sorry for your loss, take it easy on yourself. It has been 103 days since Travis, my 22 year old took his life. At times it feels as if it is all a lie, and that is just out for awhile. Then the truth hits very hard very fast and almost immobilizing. I still struggle with it and most surly always will. Tim keeps tiring to help but somethings are just to deep to gloss around, my son is dead and at the deepest levels I hold myself and Tim accountable. Had we not been so engrossed in the side effects of his treatment we may have been able to have taking a more leading role in his getting acclimated and awarness of the side effects topamax.
Still pushing Life's Evening From the 1800's away, my son's death was such a shock, and then the world moves forward as if nothing had happened.    

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by timothy141, Feb 20, 2014
Opps I wrote this from Tim's computer sorry. MJ

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by VICourageous, Feb 20, 2014
Timothy!! I am SO sorry to hear this. This has just got to be the worse. I know how it was when my Little Brother died and all of his friends went one by one behind him..That was a Shock for sure. I knew my Mom, Dad, and Father-in-Law were dieing..It still hurts but it was no shock..Putting my Boy whiteface down was a shock and hurts so bad every day. They all hurt..I think loosing a child has to be the worse pain of it all..My Prays go out to

Avatar universal
by JustHelp123, Feb 20, 2014
You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm sure she is smiling down on you right now.

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