Feb 18, 2014
Time to go be a 'Martyr' :-D Took mg 50mg for the day Oxy's still got 1 Diazapam left but i been on them ssooo long i probably go in ti 'Withdrawal' while taking it. Thats a thought? I wonder how many people know that happens with Valium? You get WD on a regular dose? I keep forgetting and it's WTF??time again but its that as welI was told by a DR wh owas a pill head, him and his wife another DR were in it bad!! writing out scripts for God knows what?
BUT their both clean and working as Drug councilors and they must be GREAT at it too. Being MD's and EX users they know how it is not because it say's in a book> Those 'books' kill people? i can't get my head around how many different drugs in big doses for year's some people take and sail through CT and WD? We're all different thats why its dangerous to use a 'One size fits all' with everyone. Anyway about Diazapam (Valium) the Dr's used to do a show you could ring in on a local radio Station here and i used ti tape it and send the tapes to friends in London and abroad who used then to get off Drugs and the radio DR sai that people that take big handfuls of Valium (Benzos) have a way easier time stopping than people like me that stixk to my prescribed amount or lower?? But once your on your way your way as long as you can be as comfortable as possible then carry on and take the rough ride as long as its not unbearable but when you REALLY want off i suppose you'll put up with anything? I'vr had heart stopping pain both from pain its self and then WD?? But if you got some one you can relax with by talking on the phone or they'll call to your home than that's a great help.
But many times one minute i been thinking 'If only some one was here' and when they are? wishing they weren't? Only people that have been there or helped some one else out with CT and WD before and are kind caring and loving and any good around you at times like that. I gave up the last time when i asked my Brother then a friend to come here? They were NO help at all So isolation isn't ALL bad at all, at least you can lay on the floor in your vomit if it gets that bad and i had the runs from hell, could barely walk, projectile vomiting and my Richard Head Brother was suppose to come in and help me? Huh? all he did was bum Cigs, ask if i had weed or did i have money he'd go get it Drank the beer in my fridge as i didn't want it and leave me on the floor in that lot? My body weight in waste and a hip replacement 6 week's before and CT off Opiates which in the end i had to take 3 Codine a day just to give myself a window.
And i had a support worker who called once a week as i was ill and all he did was tell me all his problems and mess up paper work he was suppose to sort out for me so there you go. I am a very HUGGY person i love cuddling up to my partner when i have one and i hug and kiss my friends and even people i chat to and you can tell their lonely or they tell you their on their own so i hug them and kiss them on the cheek. I will never forget 31 year's ago i was going through a terrible time in a very dark place i was homeless it was winter freezing. I had no shoes just an old pair of slippers down down down.
And i been to see a hell hole of a flat and if your not working and ill people treat you like a sewer rat and rent places i don't think a sewer rat would stay in to you? And the Land Lord had Mega bucks and i had to go give him rent and a bond in advance and walking to hand it to him, and was at his 'Gentle mans Club'??? ^%$£"! He was not!! I gave up end of, i was going to give him the money get the key and kill myself and i had the means to make sure it was job done. Anyway 3 men were coming out the door of the Club you could see the money all over them as it was a 'You ain't coming in if you got less than ten mill' place . I waited for the usual sneering and jibes and recoiling away in case they catch something off me and? THEY NEVER....they a said 'Stand back and le 'The Lady' in and all said hello and smiled the most lovely 3 smiles i'd evr seen and made sure i was ok and waited until i came back out as they could see m,e at the desk and did it again?
In that moment EVERYTHING changed my whole perspective the world, my life. All because of kindness and a smile? I used to do that before myself but i made extra sure after that that people knew i cred when i say hello and smile at them and i talk to evryone at the shop. M e and a teen age assitant sang 'Mannfred Mann Do wah diddy'' along to the music iover the speaker together the other day really loudly :-D And it made everyone smile Cool! I wont be doing it today going to wobble to yhe library and take these books back as im not going anywhere just for a walk if i can. I am grateful i can do that today pain and wobbly head or not. Was going ....NO! I AM GOING TO SHOWER FIRST!! Im not doing 'Excuses' im able to at the moment and if im sick when im out? Im sick!!