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I hate being scared.

Jun 27, 2009 - 4 comments

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I don't want to be weak or stupid. I don't need to be told to relax or stay positive. I KNOW a healthy pregnancy will survive day-to-day activities. I KNOW that pregnancy symptoms come and go. I KNOW that everything is in God's hands.

But none of that changes the fact that when I wake with almost no symptoms and then have to clean the house because my DH hurt his back (playing hockey, I might add...a self-induced injury), I get so scared that the baby's heart will just stop beating or I'll pull something in my stomach and hurt him/her.

I'm so angry at DH and I'm so sad that this is happening on my birthday. I just want to be sick...LOL! I want the twinges back, but the stomach pain to go away. I want to feel pregnant again.  I don't know what I would do if something happens to this little one.

I have no one to talk to. No one understands that while I am a completely rational person, most of the time ;), I am scared. Not all the time scared, but when I get scared, it hits big!  My family just says to relax and DH, well..I love him, but he's a complete idiot when it comes to offering support or understanding.

I wish I had an u/s machine so that I could just see my little sprout every morning.

I'm not a freak. I know that there's nothing that I can do now except be positive and enjoy my pregnancy, but sometimes...my mind is stronger than my will.

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377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jun 27, 2009
You are definately not a freak and I understand. I really really do.  The days where we feel no symptoms are terrifying for us and no amount of saying relax will change that.  Hopefully you can enjoy your birthday a bit, and for what it's worth my friend, you are not alone.  Sending you a hug and wish I could be there to hold your hand.  I can't wait till we are far enough along to pick up the heartbeat on a doppler....I want to rent one so I can hear that heartbeat every few minutes if I want.  Remember, every day is a victory and one day closer to the end of that first trimester.  Thinking about you.  XOXO Amanda

525485 tn?1314361301
by Lance06, Jun 27, 2009
I hear you on this. I feel the same way. Hang in there girl!

949288 tn?1263738633
by niki_beth, Jun 27, 2009
OMG! I couldnt have written that better myself!! I completely feel your pain (well fear)! I am usually a VERY rational person myself, but in pregnancy... well lets just say all of that changes! I agree with Adgal! When I was preggo with my son I bought a doppler on ebay... spent $100 but I could hear his little heart beat (most of the time) at 10 weeks +!! It was a great investment (If you can afford it) I LIVED with that thing on my belly some days!! LOL!!
You are not a freak... and you are definitely NOT alone. Feel free to PM me any time you wish to talk. I could really use a girlfriend to be crazy with LOL! Most of my friends don't even begin to understand as they have all had easy breezy pregnancies, ahhhhhh... what that must be like...
(((((hugs)))))

936197 tn?1268663065
by daisiema, Jun 29, 2009
I think we are feeling the same way:) I too bought a doppler off ebay and heard my babys heartbeat at 7 weeks and it made me feel so much better so now every fews days I check on my little one.Hang in there and we are all here for you!

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