I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I don't want to be weak or stupid. I don't need to be told to relax or stay positive. I KNOW a healthy pregnancy will survive day-to-day activities. I KNOW that pregnancy symptoms come and go. I KNOW that everything is in God's hands.
But none of that changes the fact that when I wake with almost no symptoms and then have to clean the house because my DH hurt his back (playing hockey, I might add...a self-induced injury), I get so scared that the baby's heart will just stop beating or I'll pull something in my stomach and hurt him/her.
I'm so angry at DH and I'm so sad that this is happening on my birthday. I just want to be sick...LOL! I want the twinges back, but the stomach pain to go away. I want to feel pregnant again. I don't know what I would do if something happens to this little one.
I have no one to talk to. No one understands that while I am a completely rational person, most of the time ;), I am scared. Not all the time scared, but when I get scared, it hits big! My family just says to relax and DH, well..I love him, but he's a complete idiot when it comes to offering support or understanding.
I wish I had an u/s machine so that I could just see my little sprout every morning.
I'm not a freak. I know that there's nothing that I can do now except be positive and enjoy my pregnancy, but sometimes...my mind is stronger than my will.