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my life

Mar 03, 2014 - 0 comments

Major Depression

I have had a horrible depressive life. Depression, ADHD, Astma, some sort of social issue-got to where I could barely leave my home-even though I was highly atheltic, the gym was all I had-but couldn't even get out of bed for that. Many expensive medications...

Once my last child graduated, I re-located to Florida, had a new job, was ACTIVE outdoors 99% of the time-Hit the gym everyday-HATED BEING INDOORS- HATED BEING in my house! Even at work, I kept my patient outdoors as much as possible-I weaned off most of my meds! To top it all off, after a few months, I was living on the beach! All this was a natural progression, not forced, not a manic situation (not that i ever had manic before), it was just me and life.

After 3 months on the beach, the man I rented from, made me leave-apparently, paying rent on time, being clean and organized- even helping some with the grounds, did not ensure security. Got a call at work- had to be out in a matter of hours. The following day was the start of "the season", the three  busiest months in south Florida. He booked my place out from under me- went back on his word that I was welcome there as long as I wanted.

Since the only friends I had made-were him, other tenets, and families of my patients, I had no where to go! All the hotels/motels were booked and prices were jacked up for the season. I hit the road and drove 12 hours to my parents-the town where all my former misery took place. Took 2 weeks off from work, figured that would give me ample time to find a new place and head back to Florida. NOT! Its now been an entire month living with my parents, who would love most for me not to go back, so they are not supportive or offering any help-they have me where they want me-TRAPPED!

There is barely sunny days here-snowed/ice storms several times, nothing to do but be stuck in the house! As the weeks have progressed, it did not take long at all for me to turn right back into my bad issues. Had to go to the doctor and get back on meds, I'm severely depressed, hardly ever leave 'my room" - that is what everyone's now
refers to this room, not the guest room, "my room". I stay in the bed crying, watching tv, wanting to want to be active, but there is nothing to do. The gym gave me free days to use-10 actually, I've used 5 in three weeks-i'm right back where I started! Shut up in the house-with no will to leave, depressed, and being here reminds me of all the painful memories I had finally put behind me.

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