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Being alone is hard ...

Jul 04, 2009 - 13 comments










The holidays are a glorious time of relaxation and get-togethers; a time for celebration and remembrance of our freedom and the cost of it.  However, holidays can also be a time of severe loneliness for those who have no one around them.  Today I am feeling such loneliness and, despite all I've learned, I am truly struggling today.  

Normally, this could trigger a binge, however, today I can not eat.  The one item I have eaten so far, is not on my list of foods I should be consuming.  

My refrigerator stopped working at a time when it was FULL of food and despite our best efforts, it is not repairable.  The refrigerator is 55 degrees, the freezer food has thawed and I must simply wait until Tuesday evening to put it out in the garbage bins.  

Am normally most resilient and find positive thoughts in everything .. am simply overwhelmed with this latest event and my 30-year shingles (about 10 years old) are cracking into little pieces and falling to the deck and sidewalk.  If not repaired soon .. at least by fall .. it will affect the structure and the house will be lost.  Being unemployed there is simply no money for repairs.  It is hard to see your last asset disintegrating with no means to stop it.  

And, by the way, the stimulus package passed by the government to be of assistance to struggling home owners .. is only eligible if you've had a decrease in "wages" ... not if your "wages" have been decreased to unemployment.  If you've lost your job and are on unemployment .. you are on your own!

Normally shiny me hesitates to be this honest and admit this much sorrow .. but to fail to do so would not be sharing the truth.  The truth is .. I will feel this and survive somehow .. and will work again to count my blessings.

1.  My granddaughter is in remission.
2.  My mom is still alive.
3.  My heart still has the capacity to love and to hurt.

Food Diary
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483733 tn?1326802046
by TrudieC, Jul 04, 2009
Ranae, I so wish I could be there to comfort you, celebrate with you, and to offer up my family's services to repair your roof.  I do pray that a human angel is watching over you and that they will send a solution your way soon.  Can you join in your community's celebrations - perhaps take your Mom?  A big hug is being sent to you across the miles.  You are loved.

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by peggy64, Jul 04, 2009
Hey, sorry you are feeling so bad. But I have one more thing you can add to your grateful list. I just saw your photos before and after. Man, you did great!! You have a lot to be proud of.

Avatar universal
by teko, Jul 04, 2009
Can you call where you got the shingles and make them replace them? I know that works for windows. And your refrigerator, OMG, all that food to thro out! My heart goes out to you, and then you still look at what the positives are even tho the feelings are not there? You are a strong soul!  I would be doubled up in the corner bawling my eyes out, that is for sure! The bright side of this is that you will wake up in the morning, this too shall pass and you have US. :D Would it not be great if we all could get together somewhere as a group? So many neat people here and I think you are one of them! Hang in there!

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by Barb135, Jul 04, 2009
Am so sorry to hear about these latest developments - and on a holiday weekend to boot....  

teko had a good idea - about the shingles?? If they are supposed to last 30 years and did for only 10, there SHOULD be recourse.  

Hang in there - hopefully something will come along that will help you out.  How about a church affiliation where people can come to repair the roof; or Habitat for Humanity?  


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by peggy64, Jul 05, 2009
Hi, Ranae,

Hope you are feeling better and have a better day today .  

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by twehner5, Jul 05, 2009
Ranae, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this...I don't know how much one person can take.  I sure hope that you are able to get the contractor who placed the shingles AND the manufacturer OF the shingles to stand behind their work and their product.

As for your refrigerator, not much you can do for that.  My mother-in-law once actually made a homeowner's insurance claim for items lost.  I always wondered if she fudged about having a whole cow in there or something, but depending on how much you have in there, maybe you have a claim...?

I will be praying for you.  I am glad you let us know what's going on in your life and that you could use a few HUGS.  They're on the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!       Take care.

Avatar universal
by helenl89, Jul 05, 2009
I am in the same boat you are in,but at least i'm trying to keep working, although part time, it's very difficult, I know. My fridge hasn;t gone yet, but I shouldn'y say that, it will proably happen next, It's just my luck. With all the rain the N.E has had lately I discovered that surfs up, inside my house!!! the other day. somedays I would like to just give up!! By the way if we get a good wind storm, i can count on finding shingles all over the place. I used to say well at least it isn't leaking., but  now it is, i put a bucket under it and said oh well for now. However we still have plenty to be thankfull for, we are alive and we keep going. Like you my mother is still alive, i have my daughter, who i very rarely see, and I have two brothers, who will only show up if didaster strikes, but they are there If I need them. you have us and we are always here. Sometimes god just test us more than others. by the way my family wants me to give up my house and move to a small condo or something. I think I would be miserable if i couldn't putt around outside, and what if you don't like your neighbors, etc. and with what money etc. I beleive god has a sense of humor, but I think it's really warped and demented sometimes Ha ha   Lately I think he's down right masochistic, with some of us. I can feel for your lonilness, I get that way too, but then I come on here and I feel much better, It's the fact that we need human contact, outside of the family, someone who is a third party , that can just listen and not judge, and sometimes give a suggestion to a problem , that we just didn't see. take care, Let me know what happens

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by peggy64, Jul 05, 2009
Twehner, that was a good idea about the refrigerated items and home owners. I never thought of that.

Helen, you have a wonderful attitude and are an inspiration to me.

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by Njsweetnlight, Jul 05, 2009
It amazes me how many lonely, single people there are out there who have to struggle and survive on their own. I recently got divorced June1, 2009 and can relate to the financial struggle of paying and repairing things on my own. I have 3 kids, 2 mortgages, 3 cars and one income now oh yah and 2 cats LOL!! I look to God to provide and believe things will work out in the future and He will provide the right man in my life to be a blessing to me. However, my advice is to not only pray but be positive in your down time. I know it is hard but keeping positive does turn things around in some way. You can try to fix the small things around you house yourself and you will find out how handy you are and look for programs that help with repairs such as energy assistant program they have information about help with home weatherization which helps with roof repairs, heaters, AC units and much more. I applied and when they came out they said my home didn't have enough repairs so they couldn't help me, they even were going to give me a refrigerator but mine was brand new so I didn't qualify for that either. There are alot of programs out there and the only downside is that they take forever to approve you and you have to continue to call and check up on your status but in the end it pays off and it sounds like you could benefit from these types of services. Good luck!!!

Avatar universal
by PerimenoWorried, Jul 05, 2009
I'm a newbie to this area but, in reading this posting, I wanted to say that sometimes, having a bit of a pity session does us all good.  We need to vent these feelings and feel them, acknowledge them and allow ourselves to just go through them in order to get past them.  

It sounds really, really tough in what you're going through and it makes one wonder why in the heck one person should have so much dumped onto their plate while others seem to be doing so well by comparison.  That inevitable question always comes along as to "why me"?  I wish that I had the answer to that question but, I don't.  I can only say that when we are faced with so many problems all at once and there's no seeming answer right in front of us, it's usually a time of great personal growth that we're going through.  I know it all sounds rather cliche to say all of this and right up there with the old, "It's always darkest before the dawn" type of many people have gone through these periods of time in their lives, only to come out the other side of it all and realize that by having gone through all of these struggles, they've been "forced" to look at options that they'd not normally have thought of or tried and in doing so, other doors have been opened to them that they'd never have found had they not needed to go looking!  

In saying all of this, what I'm really trying to say is that we've all seen people like J.K. Rowlings (of Harry Potter fame) who was down to her last dollar as a single mom and came out the other side as a millionairess through desperation.  We've heard stories about people who were lonely and down to their last dollar, meet the partner of their dreams after having needed help with something.  Sometimes, Life/Destiny/The Universe/Higher Powers...or whatever you, personally call higher energies/powers....have a very direct path they are urging us to take and sometimes, it's because we won't listen that drastic measures get taken in order to make us change our direction/paths to better ones or ones that we're meant to take.  

Just a thought here and a wish for you to hang on because I'm sure that even though there may be more that needs to be dealt with....something good is going to be put in your life soon.  

How about a cyber hug?  Sending one your way with my very best of wishes!


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by missyaftc, Jul 05, 2009
I wish i could of been here for you yesterday. i thought of everyone here. god gave me strength to get out and go catch a fish.
imagin that....................maybe that will make you laugh...........
i will get down on my hands and knees and pray for you and everyone here.
Im thinking of you.
Your too prettyf to feel this bad............
Im at $475 mth and have not a for anything........
Im floating this boat with you.
Plus my husband deserted me.
its been since june17.
im praying for strength to do/organize my divorce papers which are many.....
I'll check in with you in a bit
Hugggs missy

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by lucindamartinez, Jul 10, 2009
.....My thoughts and love via private email to you my friend.  May love and peace wash over you now and always.

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by stella5349, Oct 26, 2009
Hi Friend - Just wondering how you are? Has the job thing changed?

Thinking of you  :)\

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