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Power I hold

Apr 11, 2014 - 5 comments

I hold in my hand,
more power than
I could ever
need.

I hold feelings for
many more ppl than
it seemed.

I hold gifts
of success
and failures.

I hold life
and the power to
end it

I hold so little compared to some
yet I am richer than
them all

The power i was given
seemingly raged
out of my control

Yet how I use it
is still
completely up to
me

Comments
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6990909 tn?1435275816
by jugglin, Apr 12, 2014
Really enjoy how you switched up your style here - shows your diversity.
Very nice!

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Apr 13, 2014
idk Jake your poetry has a sort of ... idk a sort of rhyme to it, anyway.  or it seems that way to me.  like ... you are still writing in the rhyme frame.  right?  your poetry always rhymes?  I mean have you written any other free verse?  I think in some ways your stanzas are bound.  maybe not confined.  but they are functioning within some framework maybe you are not aware of existing.  I like it though.  I wish that your lines could just be free.  in this one sense, you know?  like, make their way of their own accord.

I am just rambling.  idk.  its just my thoughts.  you know what you want to do with the words and where you want to go with them.  the last stanza is my fave it sounds very much like I would imagine your own poetic voice

I wonder what would happen if you drew the lines out that is took apart each of these stanzas and made each one into its own one line?

Sharon Olds is a poet who worked a lot with formal verse, I forget the name of the form she used a lot, octanelle or something but that's not it and she wrote a lot of contemporary themes but used formal verse / patterns and stylized / rhyme

ty for the read

mp

7808984 tn?1406680965
by dirtydirk, Apr 13, 2014
i tried not 2 have rhyme 2 this one ....lol   you could pick me apart for hrs meg, i kinda like it  so dont stop!! i started out with one about music i didnt upload it it was in sentence form just didnt seem worthy of what i wanted so i went with this maybe ill upload that one and c i f my other one seems a better fit  ha....i really dont care what ppl think of me but im somewhat self-cons of what my fingers put out there for sum reason.....weird yes but true!!  thx  again for your honest advice  i expect that from u  so thank-you

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Apr 13, 2014
yeah I didn't mean to be critical Jake and I just I mean I know how f*ckin hard it is to put your work out there believe me and I have been in Many a writer's workshop in school, university et al and so ya

but the thing is since you are so dedicated to your craft and your words ... and obviously have an affinity for it ... I am pushing you because I just have this gut feeling about your work.  I could be way off.  its all you.  its up to you.  but I would just hate to see something go unexplored that might tremendously benefit your work .. or not.   I mean alls Im saying jake is like if you were to explode those words out!  like explode these two recent poems you put up ... explode them out !  and then man after you get really far with them like beat the poem up lol then you can like put it back

and it might be put back in the same way you had it before but maybe not maybe its changed up somehow in some little itty bitty way or maybe a big way

you just don't know

and I think its worth a try to find out

im not trying to pick you apart.  im sorry!   I just seen a good thing man and I want to see the rest ya know ... ;)

aite Jake

and ya I so get it I mean putting our words out is like exposing our heart just by itself thrum beat and blood

your all good man good words!

Meegy

7808984 tn?1406680965
by dirtydirk, Apr 13, 2014
i dont think your picking me apart i know your helping me, so i apprecaite everything i can get ..... i need 2 hear what ppl like youself haf 2 say...i know i got plenty of room for improvement  so agian thank you for lending me a hand in helping me with fine tuning something i enjoy doing!!!  your a true inspiration meegan!!!  

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