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Who am I?

Apr 16, 2014 - 21 comments

I'm sure everyone at one point or another has struggled with this same question. Who am I???

I know I'm a wife and a mother to 2 beautiful boys. Before all this I had my own identity. I was me. It seems especially when you have kids, you lose your identity. I've become known as Reilly and Preston's mom. And now I'm aka Dave's wife. I don't feel like I have my own identity anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death and would do anything for them. But it would also be nice to have my own identity back too.

Anyone else have these thoughts?

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by Moma_Cher, Apr 16, 2014
Well on medhelp you are known as SHANNON THE GODDESS EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!! I only know you for your witty spunky self. I don't identify you as only a mom or wife... I see you as one of the fun ones who is always there to support people and stays drama free. I love your spirit.
Sometimes we start to doubt ourselves and this is normal. Just know that while your identity may have expanded to include being Reilly and Preston's mom or Dave's wife... You are still Shannon and I hope your family and friends appreciate what a special, giving, lovely lady you are!

Don't let anyone or anything crush your spirit!

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by jugglin, Apr 16, 2014
Can I just ditto Moma Cher? She put it so well. I completely understand how u feel. I think I get a bit of a reprieve when I am working (albeit part-time). I am good at what I do so I get a bit of my own identity there...even if it is a fleeting moment. I, also, do not think of you as anybody's mom or wife when u r here...I know u are those things...but, I think of you as Shannon the very bright, supportive, witty friend!

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by melimeli, Apr 16, 2014
That is part of who you are.  You are also a protector, a counselor, a positive life force.  You are a lover a giver and a decision maker.  This is all of who you are.  If you would like to define some other aspects of your life apart from your family it is up to you to take some shannon time.  Volunteer, take a class etc.  good luck.  

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by nonights, Apr 16, 2014
Do you feel you are selling yourself short? I have felt that at times and you know what? I was. My little spirit wasn't being listened to. Like these pills are killing you and I would pop another. And I know with small kids this is hard but we are back to balance. You have to have some me time in order to give time to others.

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by Shannon79, Apr 16, 2014
Thank you Cher. I needed to read that. I think I'm just having a down in the dumps, beat myself up kind of day. Oh I think they do appreciate that. I think the only one crushing my spirit is me.

J - See that is some of the problem for me too. Since becoming a sahm, I can't even call myself a career woman anymore. And thank you for your kind words.

Mel - Thank you for the reminder about being a protector, counselor and positive life force. I hadn't really thought of that. I should really take a class or something.

Nn - Yes I think I do sell myself short sometimes. And I do beat myself up sometimes too. Unfortunately I don't get much me time. The extent of my me time is hopping in a nice hot tub for maybe 15 mins. And that doesn't even happen very often. I need to learn how to start taking me time

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by Risa615, Apr 16, 2014
Sorry are feeling down Shannon, I always read your post even though I don't always have time to reply.   Being a mom keeps us all so busy I think at times we all feel the same way.  Do you have family that can watch your sons so you can get out and go shopping or get your nails and toes done?  Pamper yourself a little, I know I need to do it! Sending hugs!

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by Shannon79, Apr 16, 2014
Not really Risa. The only family is my mom and we're not on speaking terms. (Long story)

I have my next door neighbor who has watched the boys. Hubby could always do it too. I really do need to get out and so something. Thanks! *hugs*

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by KTowne, Apr 16, 2014
I'm sooo glad you posted this because I thought it was just me feeling this way! Hoping it comes to me with time!

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by Shannon79, Apr 16, 2014
I think in time it will come to us k! I guess we just have to have patience and a little faith. (Though patience is not one of my strong suits)

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by K_Bmomma, Apr 16, 2014
Same here shannon, may be something about being a sahm. like the others said when working i felt like i had a few talents or interests, something other than just the kids and hubby although i adore them i feel all consumed by that. Talking to people on here and having little hobbies help. i will try and take classes in the fall and maybe even work part time to feel that little need of mine i think. occasionaly i take the time to write out who i am and all that. and have hubby tell me to ( helps when he tells me because i feel like im  nothing like i once was aka who he fell in love with) i just feel boring and nothing at times! have yours tell you what he loves about you and what reminds him of you and things like that. it deff helps when its in their words too (: good luck! Deff a struggle many have! <3

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by Shannon79, Apr 16, 2014
I think being a sahm is a huge part of it cause it seems like that's all I do. Watch kids, change diapers, cook, clean etc...I might have to try that k. Great idea! Thanks!

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by KTowne, Apr 16, 2014
Definitely think being a sahm has something to do with it, but I'm so blessed to be able to do it, I hate to talk negatively about it at all, lol!  Going back to school or class will help I'm sure!

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by Shannon79, Apr 16, 2014
Oh don't get me wrong, I do love being able to be a sahm. I wouldn't change it. Sometimes it just feels like there's something more that I'm missing out on

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by plumber43, Apr 17, 2014
Dearest Shannon, you have the hardest job in the world! I have never been able to be a sahm, I wish I could. I thought at 46 I would be able to but it just wasn't possible! I hope I can now at 48 with 2 under 2, I'm a bit frightened! I'm just going to have to figure a way! If I do get the chance I'm gonna lean on you for some advice! Everyone is right, your a great person and I mtoo think of you as Shannon! I can imagine that not having just a little time for yourself has made you feel like you've lost your identity, you have to find some way to get at least a few hours a week for yourself! Get your hair, nails done go to lunch with a friend, date night with hubby, these things are important not only for you but for your marriage! The truth is before you know it they'll be driving, dating, graduating, getting married and you'll be like me....how did that happen!
Love Melanie

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by heather727, Apr 17, 2014
I haven't read through all the comments... but I just wanted to drop my two cents. I don't feel as if the titles of wife and mother should overshadow a woman's identity. They are just additions to it. First she is a daughter, perhaps a sister. Then a woman, then perhaps a wife and then mother (not always in that order, etc. lol). But my point is that with each change it's just an evolution of self. It won't be long and the kids will go off to college and you'll be wondering who you are if not a mom. Just remember that each title you earn doesn't replace the one before - it's just another addition to you. :)

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by Shannon79, Apr 17, 2014
Mel - Thank you. It sure is one helluva hard job. One of the hardest, most demanding, underpaid, thankless jobs there is. I'm so glad I'm able to do it. It is definitely a huge adjustment. And feel free to lean on me. I know we need to have more date nights, but it just seems like there's never time. I know time goes by so fast. I'm cherishing these moments now cause they only happen once.

Heather - You are so right. I just have to keep that in mind when I start losing myself. Thank you for the reminder :-)

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by krichar, Apr 17, 2014
Hey S!! I was in the same boat.... And having a sob with disabilities i was consumed. I reached out to a local group on FB with kids with disabilities and happen to meet some amazing friends. We go an do things without the kids and it had re centred me. Ive taken on hobbies just for me and reached out to other SAHM.... If you can find sone great ones its a wonderful way to "redefine" who you are. With these ladies im a mom but im also Kellie! Abd im always home, lol!!

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by Shannon79, Apr 17, 2014
Thanks k! I'm gonna have to find a club or group or something. That sounds like fun! Wish we lived closer so we could hang out!

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by krichar, Apr 17, 2014
I just realized I said sob instead of son... HAHAHA!!! Somedays he is a ton of words i wont say, LOL

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by melimeli, Apr 17, 2014
hahhahaha Kellie!

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by Shannon79, Apr 17, 2014
Lol k. Both mine too!

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