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Apr 16, 2014 - 9 comments

Today I am really learning about what forgiveness really is all about, as a preachers daughter I should know what that word means and live it everyday however it's much harder to do!! Being sober and doing my programs and therapy forgiveness is really talked about plus I want to be forgiven as well so why wouldn't I want to forgive? I have just had such a hard time with this one issue for the last 7 months and I have been throwing it in my husbands face on a daily basis due to my heart then today I was told forgiveness is about letting go of that anger and hurt and not throwing it back in that individuals face anymore it was like a slap in the face!!! I have been hurting my husband and myself over and over due to my own anger and unforgiveness!! I do not want to do that any longer so I have placed positivity cards all over my house with quotes of forgiveness to remind me that forgiving is for me not only for the other person!! I do not ever want to go back to using pills to hide my feelings because I can't forgive! God is really working on my heart and soul right now and I am just opening up and allowing him to which is so wonderful I find myself crying at times just because my heart is so full of raw emotion!

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by jugglin, Apr 16, 2014
Wow...what a beautiful journal.  Very strong and inspirational.  Forgiveness is very powerful.  When we forgive, it doesn't mean we agree with the actions, it means we let go of the anger.  Not always an easy thing to do, but a very healthy, spiritual moment we give not just the other person, but ourselves as well.
Love this and what a wonderful journey you are on!  Keep moving forward ad you will do GREAT!  You ARE doing great!

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by VICourageous, Apr 16, 2014
I always found to SURRENDER and give this to God has been working. Keep feeding your Soul so you can keep Spiritually Growing..It has been a wonderful Journey so far!!

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by Quietwoman40, Apr 16, 2014
Thank you both!! This has been a growing time for me as hard as it is I am just opening my heart and allowing the growth to happen! I want real happiness for a change not from pills and for once I am fighting for it on my own!! It's such a blessing what God is doing and what he has to offer when we are ready to receive it :)

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by weaver71, Apr 17, 2014
To me, forgiveness is first and foremost for God, then it is for me, then my family, then for the person I am forgiving. That first year was hard in that department. I had to start by asking for forgiveness myself, for judging, playing God myself, for being so made at God. I had to digest just how human I am and accept that condition of all other humans. Adam and Eve are profound, not because it DID happen, but because it DOES happen to all of us. We seek the fruit of knowledge and find deception, corruption, pain, and work. I think taking a good look at the planks in my eye, I have turned many resentments into gently trying to pluck the speck out of my brother's eye. Eye for an eye is the old covenant, we are new creations of peace. We seek to be forgiving as we are forgiven. I realize you grew up hearing these things, so they become cliche. Much like Peter who denied he even knew his master, he had to be born again of the Spirit. Sometimes in takes the believing awhile to catch up with the living. We have to live what we think we believe, until we find out who our master really is. There can be only one master. I wanted to flee, still do sometimes, but I sit with this. Nothing lasts forever, hold onto the big picture and what your intentions a beliefs are. Faith without deeds is like a body without a spirit. So DO things to show you want to forgive, admit you can't feel it yet, but know you will. Let me believe for you until you can feel it, it would be my pleasure.

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by nonights, Apr 17, 2014
I too struggle with this one. Its hard to forgive ppl who use their evil authority over you to hurt you. But this helps no one. I think I'm forgiving and the hurt resurfaces. Work in progress I guess.

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by Quietwoman40, Apr 17, 2014
Weaver you have brought tears to my eyes with your post in such an honest good way!! Yes I have grown up hearing about that on a daily basis growing up on a Christian home going to private schools and church always shoved down my throat I should know all this by now however it's not so easy to do when you have been hurt so badly by the one person you think of as your hero!! I always thought my husband could do no wrong in my eyes he was the perfect man everyone thought that then one day that changed and my whole world changed and I began using pills to hide those feelings and I became numb and angry and it seemed forgiveness was not a factor. When I got clean and he stood by my side and I started to throw things in his face out of anger he still stood by my side I went to my meetings to my therapy sessions and realized I needed to foregive now I'm at the point where that is the biggest struggle, I am working on that so please pray for me I would appreciate it because I am finding out that's it's harder then I thought it was going to be. Your right though I do need to forgive myself so that God can forgive me and hopefully the rest will fall into place. I just want to be able to have no resentments in my heart so that I can be that happy person I know I can be! It's a work in progress. Thank you all for all your support!!!

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by clean_in_ks, Apr 17, 2014
Quietwoman.....what a name :)  I LIKE IT!!!     I don't know you....but I feel like I kinda do by some of the feelings, struggles, and emotions you have shared here..  I am FOR SURE.....NOT....a quiet woman....hahaha!!  But I am learning to be quiet in my soul/spirit.

First, let me say that this line of Weaver's above:  "Let me believe for you until you can feel it, it would be my pleasure."
is an offer that literally melted my heart.  It expresses who Weaver is....and it is an offer you can't refuse.  LOL

As I read your initial journey here, I thought of something that helped me quite a few years back.  I'm gonna take the liberty of sharing it with you, ok?....and I REALLY run my, I apologize for that ahead of time.  LOL  

It was suggested to me that I think of my resentment/old hurt/anger as a huge thorn in my hand.  The longer the thorn is in begins to turn red....and then the wound in my hand where the thorn is fills with puss.  Then it drips and aches non-stop....then the thorn begins to poison my circulates through me infecting more and more of me.  Soon, my entire hand has become an infected mess.....if I don't find the courage to take out that damn will cause me to, at the least, lose my hand if not poison ALL of me.  

When I ask for the courage to pull it out......I am given what I ask for.....and once I pull the thorn out and treat my hand with loving begins to heal.....and so does the rest of me.  Does it leave a scar?  Most certainly....but is it infecting my entire being any longer?  No.....the healing process began the minute I found the courage (in His strength not mine) to pull out the f'in thorn!

I love this analogy......because resentment is really just old anger that festers......and our anger usually comes about from something that hurt us greatly.....and that particular hurt came from a HUGE disappointment about something I valued and cherished. you describe how you had made your hubby your hero...and that he could do no wrong....I thought of me.  For SO many years.....I put different men in my life ( my boyfriend, my Dad, my Grandpa, my Husband, my Pastor, etc.) on this pedestal.  I got hurt over and over and over again by those men in my life.  By the time I dealt with my hurt and resentments, my counselor said I castrated men with my mouth and that my anger was off their charts.  They couldn't "grade" or "give a number to" my anger because it was literally "off the chart".

I tell you this because until I learned that the ONLY man Worthy of being put on a pedestal was God Himself/Jesus Christ.....I would only repeat the same behaviors.  And I learned that my husband, my dad, my grandfather, my pastor....they are only human men.....they are fallible....they cannot help but make mistakes and hurt me at times....not necessarily intentionally....but they are HUMAN....and they will falter at times. (just as "I" am human and will hurt others myself at times too!)   Putting the Right man on my pedestal TOTALLY changed my life!  And I was able to eventually forgive.....not in my own strength...and not necessarily because I "wanted to"....but because I needed to in order to begin the healing process and move forward...... gain that inward peace my heart longs for all the time.

If I haven't already "worn you out" with my talk here....I wanted to share some forgiveness quotes that I have written down through the years that have helped me.  Maybe one will stand out or touch your heart in a particular way.  I don't know....I just feel led to share them, ok?

"You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk"

"Forgiveness is not something we do for OTHER people.  We do it for OURSELVES - to get well and move on"

"Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself"

"Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate.
It is the power than breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness."

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the hell that has crushed it"

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior.
Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart"

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past---but you sure do change the future"

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you"

I hope you will receive this rambling of mine as a gift of love.  I used to be in bondage.....and learned that freedom was mine for the asking~

Blessings to you~


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by clean_in_ks, Apr 17, 2014
*****minor correction....I SURE wish we could "edit" our comments....oh well

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel.....(not hell) that has crushed it"

Avatar universal
by Quietwoman40, Apr 17, 2014
Connie I hope it is ok to call you that, thank you for sharing your feelings with me I have read it quite a few times just as I have read Weavers as it helps me so much! I am not one to ask for help on my own so YES I would love to have Weaver believe for me until I can feel it! :) I had to take a big breath and let it out as I typed that just to surrender that I always think that I could handle things on my own yet here I am struggling with such a big issue.

You know you put things into perspective for me that putting my husband or anyone other than God on such a high pedestal is setting them and myself up for such failure not a good thing! I have always just had such hurtful people in my past that I finally found someone that never hurt me until recently but you are right he is human as I am and I myself am not perfect how can I expect him to be? I guess I just wanted him to be so badly. I really like the analogy about the thorn it fits how I am feeling so badly! Thank you for the foreignness quotes they will help me a lot I need to rely more on God and stop playing God as Weaver stated in his message I tend to do that with my husband due to lack of trust I need to focus on me and my recovery and stop worrying about what could happen or what is going to happen and just embrace the happiness and love he is giving me and stop throwing it back at him because of my unforgiveness and anger and resentment otherwise it will set me up for trouble.

Today I celebrated my 41st birthday it's the first time in 10 years I did it sober I had a great time with my son and my husband there was no arguing no throwing anything in his face or even a jab of any kind I thank each and everyone of you for your words of wisdom that you have offered up to me because I wasn't going to do anything with my husband at all because I have been angry with him but my therapist has been helping along with all you wonderful people!

I must admit I have also been a little angry at God as well too feeling like he has abandoned me when I know he has not because when I read my bible everyday I feel him it's me that has been angry and has abandoned him I realized made my heart very sad :( because God has always been a part of my life growing up! I know I have a long road ahead of me and I know it's not going to be easy but I am ready to travel down that road! Thank you all for allowing me to share and also for sharing your thoughts and feelings!

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