May 01, 2014
I know I should never use the word hate but I just wish that things would go my way just once on a Thursday! Nothing ever good comes to me on this day of the week ever!! I should count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have but they seem meaningless if I don't have my way. I ranted and raved for three hours today and yelling at absolutely no one but it seemed right. I managed to get my say in the argument but without the other person there to yell at me back it was stupid babbling. I am sick and tired of things not going my way!! I and sick and tired of people just giving me the cold shoulder! I am tired of being overestimated and underestimated in my life. I know there is something wrong with me and I am tired of people calling me lazy!! I am in the process of trying to get a job but no one is hiring me. I have done all I could do but it seems that I am not good enough for these jobs. So naturally I am not all smiles and giggles at this point in my life. I will put on a happy face and go into the interviews and yet I never get the call "we want you" so I call them and they rudely tell me to wait for their call. Like any other sane person I smile and move on...until it becomes a routine then I start losing my cool. I am not sure what I am doing wrong but it's driving me insane literally. I haven't eaten or had any water in over 24hrs due to my stress. I normally go without eating a day or two until my stress level goes down but it seems I am hitting rock bottom. Today I was texting my mother and I totally lost control of my emotions. I was texting her but I was screaming and cursing her out for not attending to my needs when I was younger. I mean I have done some crazy stuff in my life that I am ashamed of and I tried to call out but I was denied help. I was cleaning house(while dealing with my mother which took me 7hrs non-stop and then when I finished I went straight to bed because I am exhausted. I know I need to keep my chin held high and move on but when you have several months of "No" or "We will call you"(and it never happens) I just wish that I could get mine and be happy with it.
-Not a happy Camper