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My SIL passed away last night at 7:30 West Coast Time

Jul 19, 2009 - 10 comments

My sister-in-law passed away last night of Lymphoma.  Her name was Connie and she was only 56 years old.  

Her and my brother married over 20 years ago and never had kids of their own.  My brother helped raise her 2 children from a previous marriage as if they were his own.  And, when the grandchildren came, he was their ever indulgent and loving "Popa".  Connie of course was also the loving and dedicated "Moma" as the kids called her.  

Connie was one of the casualties of our healthcare system.  Neither her or my brother have health insurance as their companies were small and weren't required to have it.  She actually had to stop working 2 years ago because she was having problems breathing and was told it was asthma and bronchitis.  Since her income was gone, she didn't want to be a burden by going to the doctor.  Well, 4 moths ago she had to be taken to the ER by ambulance because her lungs collapsed.  Testing came back showing she had a large tumor in her chest that was the cause of the breathing problems. They tried chemo, but the disease had progressed already to a point that there was not much more they could do.  She died in hospice after learning of this disease only 3 months ago.  

I talked to her a month ago and recall how positive she was that she would beat this.  We were all hopeful for her, but we knew what the doctors were saying and it didn't look good not even then.  My brother is distraught.  He is being helped by my older brother whose wife also died of Crohn's Disease 5 years ago.  The two have developed a bond they never had all these years.  

As for Connie, I am so sad that although she'd been married to my brother so many years, I never really knew her that well other than John's wife.  None of us really were introduced to her family and thought they just didn't have a good relation with each other and kept their distance.  But now I'm learning how untrue that assumption was.  She has a very loving set of sisters who stepped in to take care of her when things were at their worst.  I will probably learn more about you now from those sisters who I now have contact with than I ever knew all these years.  

I've had an epiphany of sorts since all this has happened.  I have relatives that I don't even know other than their names.  I am going to make my best effort to reach out to them and get to know them before it is too late.  It is sad to imagine that I don't even know my mother's brother's family.  There is no excuse for it other than laziness or not caring or whatever.  IF I don't do anything else, I'll reach out to them and get to know more about them than just their names.   I think this is something we can all do or at least attempt to do within our own families.  

Comments
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867787 tn?1318936230
by Tammy826, Jul 19, 2009
I'm so sorry for your loss! She sounds like a wonderful woman! I'll keep your family in prayer. Remember to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I pray God gives you comfort & grace during this sad time.

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by saveone, Jul 19, 2009
Loss is always hard even if it is expected.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  terry

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by Stro512, Jul 19, 2009
So sorry for your loss.  

230948 tn?1235844329
by uk2, Jul 19, 2009
so sorry for your lost i so love what Tammy says as it is so true. I lost my mum and then dad in there fifties they never saw my children, its no age to die.God Bless you.

559187 tn?1330782856
by Sarahsmom46, Jul 19, 2009
Thank you all so much for your caring comments.  It sure means a lot to me and I cherish you all for taking the time to reach out with your kindness.  Whenever one of us on the forum has lost someone inevitably we will say to reach out to someone you love today and give them a hug.  I will ask you to do the same.  It can be your children, husband/wife, even a beloved pet.  Somehow a hug can make all the difference.  Love to you all.

572651 tn?1530999357
by Lulu54, Jul 19, 2009
Dear Julie,
I'm so sorry to read about your SIL's passing, and angry that maybe this could have been changed is only she had been seen for her health problems sooner.  

Your resolve to know your family is one way to make this tragic loss into something with a positive tone.  May you find loving, compassionate  people attached to your family tree.  

my condolences,
Laura

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by HVAC, Jul 19, 2009
Julie,
  I am so sorry.
Alex

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by PastorDan, Jul 19, 2009
We will pray that G-d's "shalom shalom" will envelop them and you as you grieve the loss of this precious soul.

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by fergie451, Jul 19, 2009
I am saddened for your loss.  It's tragic and unfair.  I think getting to know that side of the family is a great idea.  What a nightmare for the family, so shocking and no time to absorb.  It's amazing how tragedy can bring out the
"fighting spirit"  in so many.

     It's not fair that she lost her battle. Thats a fact. I admire your resolve to reach out.

All my best wishes, and i hope this bonds a family tighter.

Fergie

559187 tn?1330782856
by Sarahsmom46, Jul 20, 2009
Thanks so much Laura, Alex, Pastor Dan, and Fergie.  Your remarks were thoughtful and really touched my heart.  It is true that a tragedy can bring out all kinds of emotions and resolve to make personal changes.  I hope and pray I have the strength and courage to follow through - I will follow through.  

Love to you all,

Julie

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