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May 07, 2014 - 0 comments

it's been a while since my last entry.  according to that last entry I tried quitting my meds and didnt fare so well. Well, a month later i got a steady part time job and stayed on my meds for a while...things were going okay, but i still fought with those feelings of wanting to be drug free...well, i slowly went off each thing. Abilify first...then effexor xr, and trazodone i had already been only taking prn...and still do. I got off! And was doing okay...still am.
however just this last week i lost that job. yep. trying to get a better one and had to sacrafice that one before i was bequethed the newer better job. I feel pretty kind of stable. I do cry a lot, and have my panic attacks, but I get through it. and feel good that i am not on that crap anymore. However, i have been thinking of going back on effexor xr. Not the Abilify though. I am back on klonopin. Which i think is the most help, but to boost things effexor xr would do that...and if i ever get so bad again that i need abilify- so be it. but that is not now.
I've been eating healthier since April 1st and working out constantly for the past 3 weeks. I'm trying to lost weight 20 lbs in 10 wks. I'm eating 1000 calories a day and working out almost everyday, except for rest day (Sunday) and I'm taking 1mg klonopin a day, which is keeping me calm and balanced, no panic attacks, no crying spells. I've been drinking at least 99 oz of water a day for the past week. I am taking better care of myself physically. with a little help for medication. Staying positive, even though i just lost a job and dont know when this next job will be calling me but I'm trying to stay focused. I'm feeling good. I can't wait until i have better contol of my diet and feel like I've lost some weight, but that will be soon. I feel  a little better and better about myself everyday.
I'm not sure if i will be going back on the effexor xr. if the crying spells continue i will. and also just that over all feeling of doom and anger that comes with my depression...if that stuff continues, which its been light lately since ive been on the klonopin but if it comes back then i will considered the effexor xr again....

so far things are good. I am hopeful for the future.

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