May 14, 2014
I am writing this in for my own mind, so I can come back and see how far I really did let go or for how long.
Today is May 14, 2014..I had lost a lot of my Family starting in 2013 to the last being my Mom on Feb 17 2014. As this will be the last entry I do on her computer over here at her home. I have made it a habit and now I must break it and let go!!! Been coming over here and reaching out on this site since 2012. I always came over here and stayed with her for hours as I would share some things on here. Then when she passed I put her ashes on the couch and I sometimes have short talks with her. We have been putting the family to rest in steps as they have to be driven far to where they wanted their ashes thrown. Now today the Trailer is going to be pulled out forever. I will have to move the ashes to my house until we take them 8-10hours away. One step at a time and this seems to be all I have done since my Detox back in 2012. Baby Steps!!! I want to GROW UP NOW!!!! I am Praying I will not go into a really bad Mental State from this..Maybe it is toooo soon or maybe it is good to move on..This Trailer being moved off my Property is going to really affect the Dogs and Cats too. We have her Dog and I am worried about how this will be on him mostly. He does not come in here, but Does he think she will be coming back??? I do think in my Heart he knows she is gone because he was by her side as the Cancer grew all over her chin area and so on..He could smell it and he was with her in her private times of Crying. Right now I have some Tears coming down! SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT! The cat still likes to come in here and sleep..She has been going around here meowing for her mama. Oh Dear GOD! Please make this transaction peaceful on our Hearts. Even my Hub is pacing a bit. We are letting a family member take the Trailer for personal reason, but now we are wondering if this is the right thing to do..I know it is, yes I know it is...We would of just sold it anyway..It takes to much to take care of it in the Winter too! I guess a Lil 36 foot trailer became part of the picture around here and it was in it's own place and planted for SO many, many Years. I should be getting a Green House set up here in the place of this Trailer..SO I must take the Bad, Hurt, Sad things and turn them around for the Best! No more RVs in this RV set up on this property as long as we are here. It will be a asset when we sell because it has ALL of the hookups and sewer line etc. OK, OK, OK, I WILL BE FINE! Grow up, Grow up, take some Bigger Steps!
MOVE IT FORWARD...MOVE ON WITH LIFE!!!!
3 down and 2 more to still put to rest!!! (Mom & Phil)
Bless us ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!