May 20, 2014
So how can you thank someone who has taken you from Crayons to Perfume?? This is how I feel about them meetings both AA/NA and all the Support from all the MH Angles out here. I have Grown so much, so far and have Learned alot because of all my Teachers and Supporters out here & in them rooms! They really showed their true colors when they had this service. Many true feeling for sure!
NA came together and had a service for my friend who passed away in April 2014. The service was held at the Church on Sat May 17 2014. It was so Sad but SO uplifting too. I got up and said a bit and read that song that I feel was some kind of a message since the day I went looking for him. They had finally found him dead in the woods over 3-4 weeks later. This Death has really opened my eyes up to Addiction. My friend tried so hard and went all the time to both AA/NA, but he also was fighting some Bad Demons in his own mind too. This made this out to be 7 deaths in a 6 month period. 4 from Cancer and 3 from Addiction..It really, really opened my eyes up when the reading says Jails, Institution or Death!!! I do know that my one friend (who was closer to my Mom) tried so hard not to drink or thought she had it handled only to drink herself to death. She ended up in a hospital where she died of Alcohol..Then my Good Friend just had a Back Slide and got all hung up in his own head which made him run from something right into those woods were he sat down by a Tree and Passed out never to wake up again because he also froze over night. He had already been to Jail more then a few times and a Institution once or twice so his final end was Death. This is a very powerful Disease and I do not think anybody gets out easy.
Yep, we went to this about 4 days after I had to move my Moms trailer off the property..SO I was put in a BAD Emotional funk for a couple of days and could not get out of Bed! I thought that something was SO mentally wrong with me that I was a bit scared. I do not like to lay around because I have so much to do and so much to go on Living for. I had to Call and Talk to some professional about this matter..I guess because I have had so many Losses so close together the last 6 months that they said this is a normal reaction..Well Shiit the 4 Family members I lost in a 90 day period I was back up on the horse riding one more time. It was the Trailer being moved and then a good friend to Addiction, is what set it off.
The service that NA had given was so Awesome..A few of us got up and shared as others just listened and cried. When I got up I look right up at the ceiling and told Phil that He was Loved and We did care about him in these rooms of AA/NA. He sometimes wondered if they cared. I told him Look if you are here, Look at ALL of these people that came from all walks of Life because You were so Loved. Then I read the song "Landslide" by Fleetwoodmac. He was found on a snow covered hill out in the woods as his landslide took him down..OH! I SO hate this disease..It kills just as much as Cancer!
I like to Journal these things so I can come back another day and see how it is going for others & myself emotionally..Many of us have had our Emotions ripped in half and many are still having it ripped out now. This is just Life..BUT before when I had deaths I was to high or to numb for it to affect me in a Real way. Yes, this has been quite the Journey that started from the day I got cleaned back in Dec 2012 to Now. I am very happy that I did face all of this without any Mind-Altering Substances because I might not be writing this today. Turn it around and make the Best of it..There is always a Message in each and every Death..I want to take my Parents and my Friends name and Live a nice clean sober Life because each and everyone of them were so proud of me for doing so.
RIP because now each of you are at Peace..
Whiteface..My Boy Dog
Chuck..Like a Brother
I Love You ALL & YOU are Missed..See you all at the TOP!!
I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS HAD THESE TYPES OF LOSSES IN SUCH SHORT TIME, BUT IT SURE FEELS DIFFERENT CLEAN & SOBER!
NO MORE FOR A LONG TIME NOW>>PLEASE!