May 20, 2014
I am writing this for myself, I want to be able to see how far I have come. So today I woke up in not such a good mood, it seems this happens a lot. As the day went in my mood improved! At one point I felt pretty good! I was actually thinking of things that brought a smoke to my face. This has been one tough journey that's for sure. I never thought going on five months clean I would still be battling my own head so much! Mood swings gotta be the worst right up there with the anxiety! The feelings of hopelessness that I feel stink, not knowing what I like or even who I am. I noticed is have a few good days then the bad days return. But THATS OKAY!! cause I'm clean and I will get there in time. So today after work and upping my water intake big time, I took my little one out on his power wheels so I was jogging along side him and just looking at that innocent beautiful face brought pure joy to my heart! He's my everything. Never thought I could love the way I love my boy! He's 3 and he puts a smile on my face everyday! God blessed me with him that's god sure! I am feeling pretty good after that 30 minute jog. Writing this while I waiting for dinner to cook ... I have to say I am very blessed! I need to appreciate these things more, instead of dwelling on my feelings I am trying to just roll with them. I know I will feel better in time. So overall not too bad of a day!
But that can change haha ... I have also noticed if the day starts off bad it doesn't mean it will remain that way, I'm trying to just live in the moment very hard but trying!
Off to finish cooking!!