May 14, 2008
Things have been pretty well, considering the alternatives. However, today was the first time I was near a full bottle of Hydro and the mind games started. I was visiting some family and I knew the pills were there. I was in the room by myself, helping to switch out a Tivo unit to another bedroom where some family member is recouping from surgery. As I'm working, the mind games start, "there are right over there. Just look at them. Maybe you can take just a few. What would you get done if you had a few of those in you. You'd be a working machine. Probably be up all night finishing those web pages. Or maybe you would wrap up the data sheets... doesn't matter, tonight would be a wild, fun, crazy night."
It's amazing how tricky addiction is... no matter how strong you may feel in sobriety - it will always be there. The rehab counselers from when I was 16 always said that - once and addict, always an addict. But I didn't believe them. I kicked everything for 5 years... I was over the hump, until I was reintroduced to my addiction.
Stay clean. It's worth every fight we come across when the temptation arises. Once an addict - always an addict.